They have had over 16 years of marriage now, and she has passed away today, at 50, complications from a massive stroke she suffered this past winter.
They have a son who is 14 now, and he worried about leaving her a widow with a child not yet grown. Now, it is him, at 68, left to finish raising that boy.
The ranch, sold, debts paid off, a big move to the Phillipines where life was not good, her family often stole from them and it took a loan from our youngest son for him to return to the States, with their son. She had already returned so she could work and build up her social security benefits. Or so the story I was told goes. They were not in the Phillipines 2 years before returning to the USA, broke, and it only took her a few months to start building up credit debt again, in about 2 years she has built that debt up to $20,000 or more. This does not include the 1/2 million or so in medical bills.
She drove my sons away, or at least she did 1, and the other hung on, despite her abuse. They call her the witch and think she has ruined their father's life. They thought he would go first and then they would tell her just how badly they hated her and so forth. Now, they have gone to try and help support their dad and be there for him, because they love him.
I thought his getting married again would free me of the guilt trips he often dumped on me, and I would get my life back. I wanted his marriage to work, to be good for both of them, for her to love him and be better for him than I was. I failed to measure up to those marks he put for me, but I wanted her to surpass them, I thought she was so brave to come so far, to such a different world to make a new life.
She hated me, before she even married him, she hated me, and she was jealous of me, silly stuff, that jealousy, it made no sense to me.
I prayed for her happiness, and for her healing after the stroke, and for more than the past month, for her recovery or easy passing, not a long and slow, drawn out dying that she has gone through.
In time, I hope my sons find forgiveness for her, and that Ben finds forgiveness for his dad, he is holding grudges still.
I pray that their dad and younger brother, her older son and his family, all get through this very hard time, that they find the closure they all need and the road ahead they need to walk.
And every day, I thank God for my life here in central IL, for all the healing I have had since the car accident almost 4.5 years ago. I am thankful for my job, and the people I work with, for the old house I live in, the friends I have, the balance my life usually has.
I think they deserved better than what their lives became but I know it was not an accident or natural disaster or someone else, but their own choices, their credit debt alone makes my credit and mortgage look like a hill of beans, easy to get over or sort out.
Choices, we make them and we live with the results. I know, since her stroke I have been working on better life choices, better financial choices, better direction for my long term happiness and know slow and steady will get this old house in better shape, the debt load shrinks a bit at a time and I am doing things with my non work time that really matter to me, that make me feel good about myself and about the future.
Off to bed, my day starts early, and my life goes on, mostly quiet, probably boring for many people but it works for me, I like who I am and I do know I didn't fail that marriage, we had problems, partly because of a huge ranch relocation and he would not work on the problems he was having with depression and adjusting to a new location, and he would not work on our problems, it wa my problems and his way or the highway.
I deserved better than that, and was a better wife than he admitted, and more careful about money, harder working, I lived for his dreams and for his life, I made it be my dreams and my life. Now, I live my life, and treasure it every hour of every day.
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