I thought, when I bought this old house, summer of 2004, that a 10 year plan for all the needed repairs and improvements I wanted was workable. Now, it's January 14, 2017 and I am a very long way from done. So, it's a long project, and work/investment in this house is not always top of my list.
Tonight, around 9:40 makes the 7th anniversary of that damnable car accident that changed my life forever. It's a wet, cold winter weekend, but the plant has no production for most of us this Saturday, a nice change but next Friday the paycheck will be smaller and car insurance needs paid soon, the truck still needs the plates renewed.
But it looks like I will be priming that southwest end of the attic expansion project, finally. The north end got finished, except for trim and such, last winter and it's a huge improvement. So I will be glad to sand the last drywall mud later today, and then I can dust down, clean up some and prime. Then have paint on the ceiling and walls area before the weekend is over.
It's not always been an easy life here, and I have chocked up a few more poor choices along that road but most of the choices have been good, and despite all the costs, problems and issues, this old house was a good choice. I can afford the small mortgage I currently have, pay extra every month on that, and I am able to keep affording the costs of the fixing and improving. The worst utility/heat bill here has been under $300, and that is despite it needing exterior insulation and new siding, and the attic expansion with so little of it dry-walled for most of the past 4 years.
Despite the pain and the permanent body damage, I went back to work at that pork plant, and over 6 years later, I am still working, despite carpal tunnel, despite sciatica and the blasted leg and foot damage to the right leg, and all the aging body issues. I work labor and am proud of that, that I work, that I pay my bills and taxes and that I help support this town, this state and this country.
I am just sick and mad over who our incoming president is, and think the Republicans in office are going to impoverish most of America while they get richer. They are not making America Great Again, they have made us the laughing stock of most of the world and are going to be heading us towards becoming a 3rd world nation if they are not stopped. Not something I thought I would ever live to see or want to see.
But I am working on making my life work, on doing what I need to do and doing some of the things I really want to do with my life and really loving being single. That works well for me, and I admit I get mad when some jerk or fool at work tells me I need a 'good man' in my life or that I need some 'loving'. My private life is My business, and most of the people at that plant need to stay out of it, keep their stupid thoughts and comments to themselves and our union steward learned that this past week.
My debt load is slowly going down, despite buying the Vespa last summer, my savings and 401K are slowly growing, my old house is improving, my yarn stash has grown and so has my doll collection. I still get a 'buzz' when I hear hard rains on my metal roof, 3+ years of a leaking roof were long and hard but they did give me a huge appreciation for this metal roof.
I knew that the steep roof hid a lot of space I could get use of, in time and now I have that studio in the north end I dreamed of. It still needs some work but I was right to space those windows out to scatter the light and the track lighting for the overhead lighting was the right choice, All those outlets along the north and south walls of this attic space means I have a lot more flexibility with what I need to plug in and where. I have added a few, 1 is in that slanted ceiling behind what will some day be a 2nd bathroom, it will allow me to have lighting in my book nook, Some is along the stair well, very handy and convenient for many reasons. And that framed in, exterior walls up bathroom space has gained a few, handy for both the studio and the south retreat.
There is so much I can't change or 'fix' and I am better at accepting that and 'moving on' emotionally with what I can't change, But I miss Miguel still, and know that's something I cannot change. He is why I am here in Illinois, and he helped with the down payment on this house and the early work, he's part of why the kitchen floor is ceramic tile and why I have 'cousins' in the plant.
I know at least 1 of them lets him know how I am doing, but he and I are not in contact. His life in Mexico needs no strings here, he needs a chance to make his life there full and wonderful. Mine here is good, and I like it and I am content. I don't have a life partner or companion but I am ok with that, Instead I have peace and get to chase a few dreams, do some things I never thought would be a part of my life, like the Vespa and Rebel and bike runs and a scooter rally or 2 I hope and plan to attend. It's a case of making really good choices with the lemons in life. They come, and you have a choice to make great lemonade, lemon scrub, lemon pie, find more uses for lemons or become a lemon.
Life here is good because I refuse to let it be bad, Miguel's lies and his return to Mexico did not ruin my life, a rough spot but I got through it and am stronger because of it. That car accident did not make my life bad, but it did make me harder, tougher and meaner, but I can live with that and make it work for me.
So, today, this weekend, I will see the paint on the walls and ceiling of part of that southern retreat I first talked with Miguel about. He would love it, once it's done, he would love the big screen tv the space already has, he'd want that bathroom done as fast as possible and a mini fridge for handy beer, and it would be his hideout.
Instead, it will be my retreat, and movies I like, not sports and Spanish/Mexican programs. There won't be a mini fridge but bookshelves, a day bed and display shelves for my things. It will be a woman's area, with lighting for my sewing and knitting and usually a very quiet space. It would have made him a great tv hideout area. But that is past dreams and I live in a very real world, and it's my retreat, and will meet my needs and wants. I had it for a few years but now it's time to have those walls become finished walls, for that ceiling to have seams finished and paint, the walls done, and plan to trim the window and some other woodwork.
And I am ok with the way my old house plans have changed and adapted to how my life has changed, we are making progress, me and this old house. People might not see the progress but I know it's there, the outside will get some work come spring, but I don't live outside, so that ugly siding is not top of the list. The dormer will get metal siding and sofits, and the front porch roof get supported, the old foundation pulled out, some sill plate work done and a new porch foundation built, probably wood with concrete footings, and hopefully the metal roofing comes out of under the house and that porch roof finally gets metal, the left overs from the roof and any that needs bought to finish the job.
Slow progress but paid for progress. When it warms up I plan to get that contractor foam in a box and go around the interior of the foundation and foam that gap between the foundation and that insulation sheeting. I know it will be a pain to do it but I also know it will make a big difference in how warm the area under the house is and how much warmer the house stays. It will be worth the cost and effort but it won't show except on the utility bills and the floors staying a bit more comfortable in the winter. A little thing, but it works for me.
And that's what my life has become, what works for me, what I can live with, what I can or will do. It might seem self-centered to the outside world but since they are not living it, are not paying the costs for it, I don't much care about their opinions any more.
