bills and getting finances in order

I know i am making progress with finances here but it gets hard to believe I will ever get out of the hole I have now. It's my doing, can't blame anyone, want to blame the lies and deception of M.F. but know I had debt before that and know I did not wisely use my lost wages when I was off work and recovering from that damn accident.
So, now I pull from savings to make ends meet, cut back on alot of things, including groceries and know I will get through this, and I know I will get finances into better shape, know in time I will have some of these medical bills off my back, I have paid the co-pay in full on quite a few of them.
I get depressed and angry about some of what has happened in the past 16+ months but know none of that 2010 can be changed, it was a really lousy year, thought I had life into such good shape, was seeing so much progress with finances and the house and my personal life and self esteem. The accident and the deception/lies of M.F. really put a huge dent into both my finances and my self-esteem.
but I am gaining every week, it's not fast progress, it's not easy and when I get depressed I do have more problems with using credit to get things I don't need and sure am better off not buying on credit or not buying at all.
A month can make such a difference here for me and I know that. This financial stress will improve, and the garden is starting to come up, see beans and corn coming through the ground and now want someone to stand rabbit patrol.
I'm staying home tonight, usually sleep at Larry's on my days off, on my day shift days but have chili here and bread sticks rising. He called and is heading to bed, I will see him tomorrow, and i just am moody, feeling down about finances here and don't need to inflict him with it. I took a nap today so will be up later than he is, and might do that soak in the tub with a book or soak and cry--that might actually be very workable, Kid will be glad to have me home and sleep in the house with me.
I'm going to get this posted and check on my bread sticks.

well into April

and I have things that need to get done, for Jake, here at the house, outside, and time goes by so fast.
I actually did get an e-mail from M.F., not any sorry about the spam, or the lies, he's still claiming he never lied or deceived or used me. It's me with the problem..he's no longer working, health problems he labels as genetic but I think neglect and poor eating/health habits are more of the cause. It's water under a old bridge, a foolish error in judgement and misplaced trust on my part. And I am glad I managed to get my head in better order and could see that the financial issues were not what he was saying, and found that foreclosure notice on line with his name on it.
I know it's going to take a long time to get my finances, house and some parts of my life into solid shape but I am seeing progress, slower than I like but at least I am making progress every month.
I won't say that life here is perfect, my foot and ankle don't tolerate my job very well, but I am watching bids, did bid on 3 frock room jobs and my dept. head is also head of that dept. and I don't think she even considered me for any of the openings. It's not union so I can't do a blasted thing about the openings going to people with far less time in plant than I have.
The relationship with Larry is good, I worry about his up-coming surgery but he has no real choice and we both have confidence in his doctor. His son and daughter will be there for the surgery and until he's out of recovery and I am glad I won't be there alone and that he is important enough for them to be there with us.
Got a lot I need to get done today before work, know I will walk into a lot needing done, normal Monday for me.