I do not like chasing dogs, or being drug around by a large dog when trying to walk him and I don't like being woke up several times a night by a whining dog, who does not really need out to pee but does want my company.
I do understand it's how his head works, it's his genetics and his raising and his breeding that is a huge part of my problems with the dog and with my growing depression here. I can't change most of the problems, I cannot fix most of the problems and it's getting harder to live with the problems.
The shelters are overrun with dogs they cannot find placements for, and underfunded for their current dogs, so don't tell me to find a shelter that will take him. And calls to local vets either go no response when I left messages or outright refusal to put this dog to sleep, he does not have enough health problems for them to consider it acceptable. They refuse to accept that his aggressive personality, his weight, and strength create a safety problem for me and for others IF/When he is not confined. And they refuse to consider that I might actually be trying to make the best choices for both this dog, who has never lived with anyone except me and my sons, and does not adapt or adjust easily and for me, who with some physical disabilities and aging issues, needs less problems and less trip hazards and less stress in her life.
This is not a situation that a simple pill will fix, the solution is doing something permanent and that is mentally acceptable to me with this dog. I can't just dump him out somewhere, I can't take a gun and shoot him, and I can't keep dealing with the dog.
That son that has to have dogs, that will not help teach a dog good social behaviors, that will not accept house rules for dogs is now far off in another state, which is some help, if only that he no longer comes through and encourages wild and behavior, crazy and unhappy dog problems and leaves behind the mess. But it also means I cannot dump his problem dog back into his life and his living space. It's a mess, the dog is a continual shedding, whining, unhappy dog that deeply wants to be velcro attached to a significant human and I just am not willing and cannot be that human.
My holidays away have not helped, first I was gone in August to Michigan for a fiber festival, several nights away with a friend doing pet care, and then again in September for a scooter rally, both had me 3-4 nights away and the friend coming by to care for the dog. He hates being alone, he hates not having a significant human close at hand, 24/7.
I have a full-time job and have to work to support that dog, myself, my bills and I am going to have a life and do some of the things that I enjoy, including trips that have me not home for several days at a time. And a dog whining off and on all night does not allow me to get my very needed sleep. He will not change and I am at the end of being able to cope, and I will not lose my stability and let issues with a dog whose problems I did not create cause me to be so damn miserable and depressed as I have been this past week.
It's time to buck up and face the fact that I cannot and will not continue to live with this dog.
