Well, I managed to completely delete everything I had thought I saved before chasing down more coffee last night. I guess that was because I needed to put more though and reflection on what I had written.
I am very glad to be going to Michigan Fiber Festival, I went 12 years ago, took my oldest grandchild, unplanned but family problems and some separation and possible cooling down time was a good idea. I don't know that it helped, but I know I made the right choices then, and I keep working on making them now.
This trip I am going alone, unless you count a small doll as company, I plan to have some fun with photo shoots with the doll. I also have a very small tent, will camp a bit 'rough' and have 4 nights, 3 classes and am so very excited about going. But it's over 375 miles each way, a long and not fun drive, and no, there is no way I can take the weaving equipment, which I need for 1 of the classes I am taking and take the GTS. I put a lot of thought into how I could manage that and no, there just is no way...scoots store and the drive is manageable, but will be Boring.
I am not involved with my first born child and have very limited contact with her children, a choice of distance and knowing that at 1 time it was better for them, less conflict and less problems of head messing by their mother, now it's they are grown or almost grown and leading their own lives. And the younger 3, whose dad and his family have done a great job of of parenting and supporting and of being good role models, are doing well, 2 off in college, the youngest will be heading that way soon. Young adults who are making a lot of very good choices with their lives and who they associate with, where they go and what they do.
I can't say the same for that oldest grand child, but I will say that it is her life and her choices, she is the one who is living them and either can find ways to make them work or understand that 'help' always comes with strings, some of those strings are acceptable and workable, some are not and it's up to an individual to make that decision.
I have not been a good example always, I was not raised with some good examples on some issues/things/behaviors and I was raised to think I was not capable of getting and keeping a job, of managing money, of making good, intelligent choices. It's nice that I did prove my grandmother wrong on my mental abilities, it came a little late, and I am glad my mother realized and understood that she did her share to contribute to my failing to believe in myself, and in my own rights to live my life by my own choices.
I know I was too young and not ready when I had my first child, and it was a 'choice' I was pressured into making, oh, not an accidental conception, that was deliberate, it's that I was not wanting to start a family so young, I knew I was not ready for that, I was married but I wanted college and even had been saving up for that.
But I gave in to pressure, and I felt I didn't have a right to stand up for what I wanted, I thought that was selfish and bad, so I gave in. and I continued to give in on so many things for so many years, just be a door mat, just try to conform, just do what he wanted.
Now, I am living my life, my choices, it's my job and my paycheck and my house and I am very independent and very single and most of the time at peace with who I am and what I am doing. I know now that not only can I NOT fix other people's lives, choices, problems but I am also Not Responsible for their decisions and I don't have to try and fix it, I do not have to sacrifice for them and I don't have to feel guilty for my choice and living my life for me.
I do care about all those children, 4 of them, that I gave birth to, and did my best to parent, and I do accept they do not all see or understand that. I hope they have lives that work for them and are doing well, but I also know they are all adults, wow, the oldest turns 44 this Thanksgiving season and the youngest is already 29. And I just double checked the math on that, time has gotten away from me.
Go fly, spread your wings, become what you need to become, ask if you need my help but do not slam me because I am also human and was not a perfect parent. You can walk away, you can disown me, you can tell the world I was a failure or accuse me of abuse or of allowing it to happen. It is your life and your choices and you live it, if those feelings, attitudes, lies make your life better, fine. If they are why you use as excuses for why you are who you are or why you have screwed up your own life, well, that's actually not going to cause any damage in my life and I no longer let your words and actions cause me damage. I've grown too and I've learned what strings to let go, which ones to cut.
My life works and is a good life because I work to make it that. and it is very much My life.
Sunday, August 12, 2018
Saturday, July 28, 2018
Hurting heart and tiny empty spaces
Today I lost 1 of my sun conures, Sunny, to old age. The 3 all came to me as babies, Blue and Sunny were still needing hand fed, Feliz was the 1 I had to wait for an egg to hatch and the baby to make it past the 1st week. So, they grew up in my home and have always been 'my kids'. But they are old kids, all are over 18 years old now, that's very old for a Sun Conure, and pretty aged for a Quaker Parrot.
I found him crumpled up on the cage floor, early this morning, I did wrap him in a clean cloth napkin and got a tiny bit of water in him, and knew he was not hurt or sick, but just dying, old age and no young berries for parrots or people. He was comfortable, knew he was loved and died quietly, peacefully and now I grieve and wish I had got him more cinnamon graham crackers, and more Sunny Delight, his favorite food and drink.
For more than 18 years these 3 parrots have shared my life and home, they have been my companions through relationships failing, through jobs ending, moved with me 4 times and have coped with this old house and on-going renovations for 13+ years now. Most of their lives has been lived in this renovation nightmare, and they have been the why some days work did get done and why I worked hard to get back to work after that damn accident. Quality parrot food is not cheap, these are not cheap kids, their toys are not cheap and they have a rather pricey cage to live and play in.
For me, they have been the only constant living beings in my life, I have never lived with any human as long as I have these parrots, not with my birth parents, not with my grandparents, none of my kids and I lived together, continuously, for so long. And I sure have not been able to make any relationship last with any man anywhere close to as long as the Feathered kids and I have been a family. So, ya, it really hurts to loose this small, loud, food throwing child, who grew old while I kept them the kids in my mind.
I know he had a good parrot life with me, know he was a content parrot and will be missed by his cage mates and by me. And I am working on accepting that Feliz is almost the same age, there might be 2 months difference in their ages but not much more than that. I expect to outlive my parrots, which is far easier on them than if they outlived me but I'm sad an hurting.
Right now I want to believe, like a small child, that they have souls and Sunny is now flitting around all the awesome beauty of a very natural heaven, not buildings and streets of gold, but trees and fruits and a safe world where he can fly free, where there are people he can go bug and steal sips of Sunny Delight from, and get to rob popcorn and shredded wheat from. I don't want a heaven that doesn't have loud and happy parrots flitting about. And I don't want to think about living in a house that has no parrots or only 1 sad and lonely old parrot.
But Blue and Feliz will probably be my last parrots, and Shadow might be my last dog, it's very hard on pets when the owner dies and no one is there to want them and take them. And that is the reality of my life and my world. They have me and I have them and I know that's just where it is. Ben's still living here in Beardstown but has his own life and I rarely see him. He's not going to take my dog or parrots, and I will be lucky if he pet sits for my vacation.
My rather solitary and single life really does work for me, and I like it, but today, loosing Sunny, I know the drawbacks, there is no one to comfort me, and there are a very few people I would even accept any comfort from, 1 is in Mexico, and Ben is busy doing that living his life stuff... ya, very short list.
So, I did the laundry and it's dry, folded and in the house, and I buried my much loved Sunny, under the south kitchen window, and I cleaned the bird cage tray, which needed done today and I cleaned the floor below the cage, another chore that was on today's list. And I've hid in the studio, and worked on tweaking a doll pattern for a doll. And I've cried, time and time again, and I will do more of that crying, but I know Sunny didn't suffer, his death was a natural process of life, and hes buried without a box or wrap, so that his body returns to the earth, not from where he was born but this sandy little town where we have spent most of his life.
And I will heal, and miss him and know that Feliz will probably be leaving me before I retire from the plant, Quakers are longer lived, but Blue has never been the only parrot, I don't know how he will adjust if/when that happens. Another hill in life I will have to climb when I get there.
I don't live the life that many I work with do, and I'm ok with that, I live the life that works for me, and I know right now I am shutting people out, both in the real world and in cyber land, but I grieve alone, I tuck into my space/home/thoughts and mourn alone, and that's been how I've done it all my life, from small losses as a child to the big ones, I pull into myself and grieve and mourn alone. There is no sharing my pain, it's not an apple or an orange you can take and cut into pieces, it's a hurt inside that I just have to deal with, and think on and sort out and find a balance and acceptance of what I cannot change.
There are so many people whose lives are not as comfortable as mine is, as financially stable as mine is, or as mine can be, it is still an old house needing work but it's a warm house in the winter, and cool enough to be comfortable, for us, anyways, in the summer and there is always food, in fact these parrots have always had expensive parrot pellets that are healthy and abundant, Mom makes sure of that and good water and even a water dish big enough to bath in. We have a stable, safe and secure little world here in this old river town and this old house. I've worked to provide that, for myself, my pets, my sons, and am glad I have been able to.
This afternoon is a bit easier than this morning was, and I know tomorrow will be a little easier but I do understand why people with emotional problems and mental issues often cut themselves, there's that part of me that thinks if I can give myself physical pain, it might lessen the emotional pain that Sunny's dying has given me. I know it will not, and I am not going to deliberately hurt myself, if I even stub a toe, it will be an accident. But, today, I really do 'get it' as to why people start doing that.
I will stick with playing with my dolls and my knitting, it works for me and I know that no physical pain will ease the grief that Sunny dying has caused, not his fault, just part of caring for anything, especially anything living.
I found him crumpled up on the cage floor, early this morning, I did wrap him in a clean cloth napkin and got a tiny bit of water in him, and knew he was not hurt or sick, but just dying, old age and no young berries for parrots or people. He was comfortable, knew he was loved and died quietly, peacefully and now I grieve and wish I had got him more cinnamon graham crackers, and more Sunny Delight, his favorite food and drink.
For more than 18 years these 3 parrots have shared my life and home, they have been my companions through relationships failing, through jobs ending, moved with me 4 times and have coped with this old house and on-going renovations for 13+ years now. Most of their lives has been lived in this renovation nightmare, and they have been the why some days work did get done and why I worked hard to get back to work after that damn accident. Quality parrot food is not cheap, these are not cheap kids, their toys are not cheap and they have a rather pricey cage to live and play in.
For me, they have been the only constant living beings in my life, I have never lived with any human as long as I have these parrots, not with my birth parents, not with my grandparents, none of my kids and I lived together, continuously, for so long. And I sure have not been able to make any relationship last with any man anywhere close to as long as the Feathered kids and I have been a family. So, ya, it really hurts to loose this small, loud, food throwing child, who grew old while I kept them the kids in my mind.
I know he had a good parrot life with me, know he was a content parrot and will be missed by his cage mates and by me. And I am working on accepting that Feliz is almost the same age, there might be 2 months difference in their ages but not much more than that. I expect to outlive my parrots, which is far easier on them than if they outlived me but I'm sad an hurting.
Right now I want to believe, like a small child, that they have souls and Sunny is now flitting around all the awesome beauty of a very natural heaven, not buildings and streets of gold, but trees and fruits and a safe world where he can fly free, where there are people he can go bug and steal sips of Sunny Delight from, and get to rob popcorn and shredded wheat from. I don't want a heaven that doesn't have loud and happy parrots flitting about. And I don't want to think about living in a house that has no parrots or only 1 sad and lonely old parrot.
But Blue and Feliz will probably be my last parrots, and Shadow might be my last dog, it's very hard on pets when the owner dies and no one is there to want them and take them. And that is the reality of my life and my world. They have me and I have them and I know that's just where it is. Ben's still living here in Beardstown but has his own life and I rarely see him. He's not going to take my dog or parrots, and I will be lucky if he pet sits for my vacation.
My rather solitary and single life really does work for me, and I like it, but today, loosing Sunny, I know the drawbacks, there is no one to comfort me, and there are a very few people I would even accept any comfort from, 1 is in Mexico, and Ben is busy doing that living his life stuff... ya, very short list.
So, I did the laundry and it's dry, folded and in the house, and I buried my much loved Sunny, under the south kitchen window, and I cleaned the bird cage tray, which needed done today and I cleaned the floor below the cage, another chore that was on today's list. And I've hid in the studio, and worked on tweaking a doll pattern for a doll. And I've cried, time and time again, and I will do more of that crying, but I know Sunny didn't suffer, his death was a natural process of life, and hes buried without a box or wrap, so that his body returns to the earth, not from where he was born but this sandy little town where we have spent most of his life.
And I will heal, and miss him and know that Feliz will probably be leaving me before I retire from the plant, Quakers are longer lived, but Blue has never been the only parrot, I don't know how he will adjust if/when that happens. Another hill in life I will have to climb when I get there.
I don't live the life that many I work with do, and I'm ok with that, I live the life that works for me, and I know right now I am shutting people out, both in the real world and in cyber land, but I grieve alone, I tuck into my space/home/thoughts and mourn alone, and that's been how I've done it all my life, from small losses as a child to the big ones, I pull into myself and grieve and mourn alone. There is no sharing my pain, it's not an apple or an orange you can take and cut into pieces, it's a hurt inside that I just have to deal with, and think on and sort out and find a balance and acceptance of what I cannot change.
There are so many people whose lives are not as comfortable as mine is, as financially stable as mine is, or as mine can be, it is still an old house needing work but it's a warm house in the winter, and cool enough to be comfortable, for us, anyways, in the summer and there is always food, in fact these parrots have always had expensive parrot pellets that are healthy and abundant, Mom makes sure of that and good water and even a water dish big enough to bath in. We have a stable, safe and secure little world here in this old river town and this old house. I've worked to provide that, for myself, my pets, my sons, and am glad I have been able to.
This afternoon is a bit easier than this morning was, and I know tomorrow will be a little easier but I do understand why people with emotional problems and mental issues often cut themselves, there's that part of me that thinks if I can give myself physical pain, it might lessen the emotional pain that Sunny's dying has given me. I know it will not, and I am not going to deliberately hurt myself, if I even stub a toe, it will be an accident. But, today, I really do 'get it' as to why people start doing that.
I will stick with playing with my dolls and my knitting, it works for me and I know that no physical pain will ease the grief that Sunny dying has caused, not his fault, just part of caring for anything, especially anything living.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Dealing with life and other humans
Most of the time I think my life is ok, that I have managed to achieve a good balance and most importantly, peace of mind and like who I am and how I live my life. I made a job change in plant and that has been positive. Less stress, less physically taxing and I work with 3 really great women.
I am finally living alone, except for parrots and Shadow, which works well. I still have a lot of work here on this old house that needs done and a lot of putting my stuff in order, getting rid of a few things and making my spaces work for me, and making my sewing studio more orderly and usable.
Finances get really tight but I know that is my problem and I can resolve it and I do, not always as fast as I would like but at least it's my problem and not caused by someone else. I have had plenty of that in the past and am very glad to not have some man sucking me dry, either financially or emotionally.
I still procrastinate too many things and I am working on some of that, and on getting more tidy, in my bedroom and the kitchen mainly, at least for now. And I still do not like conflict or dealing with people issues.
Single and no romantic, emotional involvements with any man works for me, and despite the pushing I feel from a guy I once was intimate with, I am NOT going down that road. How he feels, or says he feels is not my problem and is not going to manipulate my personal time and what I do with my life, or how I feel about anyone.
There is nothing wrong with me staying single, with me not having a love interest and with me wanting my time off work for my living, and for what I want to do and what I need to do. I am not willing to make any efforts to have much of a relationship with a man, they just are not that necessary in my life. And I sure do not want 1 in my bed or mauling my body. I just do not need or want that and I do not have to subject myself to it.
I did sell the much loved Rebel but also bought a used Vespa GTS that will work far better for me in the long run, and that is part of the financial bind I have put myself in, cost of plates, title and additional insurance costs. The LXV got a new tire, another financial ouch, and the rides both had oil changes and the GTS also got brake fluid changed, hub oil changed and since it has liquid cooled, that fluid also was changed. Add in the parts costs for a USB outlet in the glove box so I can charge my cell phone, ya, I managed to really make my savings dwindle and my grocery budget non-existent, at least for right now.
But I have vacation coming soon and am going to Michigan Fiber Festival and going Alone! No, I am not taking that guy pal, although he wants to go and we have discussed it, but that was before his pace maker was replaced, with some surgical issues, like very low blood pressure, so low they could not safely put him under to do the surgery and that the weather and heat/humidity can be very high up in Allegan Michigan during August, there is very limited shelter for people with health issues up at those county fair grounds and I have NO desire to spend any of my very long planned for vacation and classes at the Fiber Festival complicated by someone else's health issue and I do not want to worry about them or have to deal with anyone for the amount of time I will be gone.
Jake has moved back to Colorado, first he helped his dad, Sam, move back there and then moved himself, and I hope life there works for him, and he finds his direction and is happy. I know I don't have the answers for him and I love my youngest son, but he adds stress and complications to my world and helps Shadow be a problem dog. Not what that dog needs, not what I need and Jake does not want a long term life here in central Illinois.
I did Ancestry DNA test and have been chasing down those 'dead bodies' to fill in that family tree stuff, and have found a lot of good and solid people on my father's side. Growing up and hearing nothing but negative things about that man and his family, it has been good for my 'head' to find some really good people were his ancestors, people every bit as worthwhile as Grandma's Littlefield line.
And I am finding my Grandpa Noel's family, and so many, many ancestors. I have Dutch Reformation, Quakers, Mennonites, Baptists, Methodists, Catholics and that list of church and religious affiliations will probably grow. I have now 4 different people at least, that served in the Revolutionary War, and some immigrants. Of course, all my ancestors came from some immigrants, I don't think there is any Native Americans in my tree, but it seems a lot of my DNA got here before this nation was founded and that has surprised me. I knew Littlefields came here in 1638, but I had expected to find that more ancestors came here after that little war of Independence.
And it's time to shut things down, get some stuff ready for the morning and back to work, I am not going to let that silly old man's anything make waves in my pond, he is not my entertainment job, and he's not going to become my child to take care of, or gain any of what he wants out of me. I just do not like his campground where he now has his camper, I don't want to watch tv at his house, hell, I don't want to watch tv, I am not wanting to have him keep me company on my vacation time and I don't want to chat on line with him any amount...got stuff I would rather be doing.
I am finally living alone, except for parrots and Shadow, which works well. I still have a lot of work here on this old house that needs done and a lot of putting my stuff in order, getting rid of a few things and making my spaces work for me, and making my sewing studio more orderly and usable.
Finances get really tight but I know that is my problem and I can resolve it and I do, not always as fast as I would like but at least it's my problem and not caused by someone else. I have had plenty of that in the past and am very glad to not have some man sucking me dry, either financially or emotionally.
I still procrastinate too many things and I am working on some of that, and on getting more tidy, in my bedroom and the kitchen mainly, at least for now. And I still do not like conflict or dealing with people issues.
Single and no romantic, emotional involvements with any man works for me, and despite the pushing I feel from a guy I once was intimate with, I am NOT going down that road. How he feels, or says he feels is not my problem and is not going to manipulate my personal time and what I do with my life, or how I feel about anyone.
There is nothing wrong with me staying single, with me not having a love interest and with me wanting my time off work for my living, and for what I want to do and what I need to do. I am not willing to make any efforts to have much of a relationship with a man, they just are not that necessary in my life. And I sure do not want 1 in my bed or mauling my body. I just do not need or want that and I do not have to subject myself to it.
I did sell the much loved Rebel but also bought a used Vespa GTS that will work far better for me in the long run, and that is part of the financial bind I have put myself in, cost of plates, title and additional insurance costs. The LXV got a new tire, another financial ouch, and the rides both had oil changes and the GTS also got brake fluid changed, hub oil changed and since it has liquid cooled, that fluid also was changed. Add in the parts costs for a USB outlet in the glove box so I can charge my cell phone, ya, I managed to really make my savings dwindle and my grocery budget non-existent, at least for right now.
But I have vacation coming soon and am going to Michigan Fiber Festival and going Alone! No, I am not taking that guy pal, although he wants to go and we have discussed it, but that was before his pace maker was replaced, with some surgical issues, like very low blood pressure, so low they could not safely put him under to do the surgery and that the weather and heat/humidity can be very high up in Allegan Michigan during August, there is very limited shelter for people with health issues up at those county fair grounds and I have NO desire to spend any of my very long planned for vacation and classes at the Fiber Festival complicated by someone else's health issue and I do not want to worry about them or have to deal with anyone for the amount of time I will be gone.
Jake has moved back to Colorado, first he helped his dad, Sam, move back there and then moved himself, and I hope life there works for him, and he finds his direction and is happy. I know I don't have the answers for him and I love my youngest son, but he adds stress and complications to my world and helps Shadow be a problem dog. Not what that dog needs, not what I need and Jake does not want a long term life here in central Illinois.
I did Ancestry DNA test and have been chasing down those 'dead bodies' to fill in that family tree stuff, and have found a lot of good and solid people on my father's side. Growing up and hearing nothing but negative things about that man and his family, it has been good for my 'head' to find some really good people were his ancestors, people every bit as worthwhile as Grandma's Littlefield line.
And I am finding my Grandpa Noel's family, and so many, many ancestors. I have Dutch Reformation, Quakers, Mennonites, Baptists, Methodists, Catholics and that list of church and religious affiliations will probably grow. I have now 4 different people at least, that served in the Revolutionary War, and some immigrants. Of course, all my ancestors came from some immigrants, I don't think there is any Native Americans in my tree, but it seems a lot of my DNA got here before this nation was founded and that has surprised me. I knew Littlefields came here in 1638, but I had expected to find that more ancestors came here after that little war of Independence.
And it's time to shut things down, get some stuff ready for the morning and back to work, I am not going to let that silly old man's anything make waves in my pond, he is not my entertainment job, and he's not going to become my child to take care of, or gain any of what he wants out of me. I just do not like his campground where he now has his camper, I don't want to watch tv at his house, hell, I don't want to watch tv, I am not wanting to have him keep me company on my vacation time and I don't want to chat on line with him any amount...got stuff I would rather be doing.
Monday, April 16, 2018
Life here in an old house
At times it seems I will never get much done, and there are times I don't see much progress but this evening I am in my downstairs bedroom, in my office corner with my knitting, Netflix and a quiet house. The bills that need paid are paid and work went well today.
I bid to an easier (but dirtier, wetter) job in plant and am now qualified on that job and find it is getting easier on this old body every week and far less stress. I come home with some energy to do something and not mad at the world.\
And the world or at least my part of it seems lacking a few handy gadgets, looked all over for a coffee cup warmer and discovered I buy those sort of things on line now days....ok, so the 1 up in the sewing studio is old-yes, it did move from Missouri with me, yes, I have worked in this plant over 15 years now, but it still works. I just want another 1 for my new office space, and it will be coming from Amazon.
And I have a book coming from there too, non-fiction and pre-order, it's to arrive here tomorrow and I do hope it's on time, figure I will be working on Jake's socks and reading it.
I do have my classes I wanted at Michigan Fiber Festival, so that's taken care of, and I have August and vacation to look forward to.
And I am getting a new laptop, that is ordered and the order processed today, I don't have a shipping notice yet or tracking but expect to see that soon and then will hopefully have Ben be handy to receive it and put it on my bed. No, I have not told him, it's not his money/credit and not his business what I am getting. He does live here and I do expect him to make sure any packages that arrive are taken care of for me, I do any that come for him or Jake.
The downstairs bedroom is almost done, a few things left to do, including mix up a small amount of plaster to fill a few holes that I made trying to put some screws in for the new power bar to fasten on. My office got a nice surge protected strip with 2 USB outlets also. The printer and laptop are what plugs in so far, the desk light is in the regular outlet, the new cup warmer will go on the surge protector, so when I turn it off, that cup warmer is also off.
We have Thumper again, and we are dealing with scabies again. This will be the last time I keep Thumper, I can't keep having open sores on my hands from these very tiny mites, I am very reactive to them, and it's a serious problem that has to end. Jake will not be happy but he's not in charge of my hands and my bills that won't be paid if I can't work because of my hands and scabies bites.
Time for something to eat, get a shower and to bed. Like looking forward to work once again, that is a plus.
I bid to an easier (but dirtier, wetter) job in plant and am now qualified on that job and find it is getting easier on this old body every week and far less stress. I come home with some energy to do something and not mad at the world.\
And the world or at least my part of it seems lacking a few handy gadgets, looked all over for a coffee cup warmer and discovered I buy those sort of things on line now days....ok, so the 1 up in the sewing studio is old-yes, it did move from Missouri with me, yes, I have worked in this plant over 15 years now, but it still works. I just want another 1 for my new office space, and it will be coming from Amazon.
And I have a book coming from there too, non-fiction and pre-order, it's to arrive here tomorrow and I do hope it's on time, figure I will be working on Jake's socks and reading it.
I do have my classes I wanted at Michigan Fiber Festival, so that's taken care of, and I have August and vacation to look forward to.
And I am getting a new laptop, that is ordered and the order processed today, I don't have a shipping notice yet or tracking but expect to see that soon and then will hopefully have Ben be handy to receive it and put it on my bed. No, I have not told him, it's not his money/credit and not his business what I am getting. He does live here and I do expect him to make sure any packages that arrive are taken care of for me, I do any that come for him or Jake.
The downstairs bedroom is almost done, a few things left to do, including mix up a small amount of plaster to fill a few holes that I made trying to put some screws in for the new power bar to fasten on. My office got a nice surge protected strip with 2 USB outlets also. The printer and laptop are what plugs in so far, the desk light is in the regular outlet, the new cup warmer will go on the surge protector, so when I turn it off, that cup warmer is also off.
We have Thumper again, and we are dealing with scabies again. This will be the last time I keep Thumper, I can't keep having open sores on my hands from these very tiny mites, I am very reactive to them, and it's a serious problem that has to end. Jake will not be happy but he's not in charge of my hands and my bills that won't be paid if I can't work because of my hands and scabies bites.
Time for something to eat, get a shower and to bed. Like looking forward to work once again, that is a plus.
Friday, March 16, 2018
Taking back my spaces in this house
It's been a long haul with this old house, and at times, it has been made longer and harder by my adult sons, moving home, coming to stay a few weeks that ended up being years and 1 is still living or 'camping' here.
But I have regained my downstairs bedroom, the needed repairs and repainting is not finished but I'm now sleeping in my room and am making progress with the remaining repair work and painting. This evening I did some clean up work, have the top of my chest of drawers cleaned off and even moved some of my dolls back in.
It has been over 6.5 years since this was my room but I once again have use of my computer desk and my laptop is now residing there. Granted, I still need to do the repairs in the corner where the old brick chimney was removed, and finish up the painting in this corner, then do some tweaking with the bookcase so it will integrate with the corner computer desk, and I also am putting in another electrical outlet in this corner, and will need a light, borrowing Ben's clip on 1 for now.
The attic expansion project is still on going, but most of it is done, I now have a sewing studio and the dolls and I have a retreat--which is where that son is now camping... and I want him camping, not settling in and putting down roots. He's been back living at Mom's for close to 4 years this time, and is working now, has been since early June 2017, is paying on back bills and helping some here, the city utility bill is now his responsibility, he owns my old truck now, and has his own insurance. I am finally the only person on my auto/bike insurance and the only 1 driving my car or running my bikes, which work nicely for me.
Work is still hard, arthritis is slowly increasing as is my pain levels some days but I have won a bid to a job which should be a bit easier on my aging body. But I keep working, keep earning a living and have the money I need to pay my bills and some days, even a bit extra.
And this evening I have worked on removing some of the adhesive residue on my chest of drawers, from the move from Missouri, so it's cleaning I should have done years and years ago.
Last time around the computer corner was the southwest corner of the room, the west wall is an outside wall, and I decided that this time I will put myself away from that winter cold and be more comfortable. And I will get a small area rug for the computer area, so my feet don't get as cold in the winter and so the new computer chair, which I have not yet bought, will not damage the hardwood floor's varnish.
The room now has actual doors, sliding doors with barn door style hardware, and gates to keep dogs out, as does the stairs. Most of my shelving is going back up, but some will change locations, and the room is now pale pistachio. the trim is done in hedgerow olive, and the colors work well, I don't like the colors for fabrics, don't like olive much at all, but it works well with the wall color, so, yes, I do like it here, for the trim, for those shelf boards, it really works far better than white woodwork, no problem with all the different woods that are in here, and it's the green that worked best with the wall color, which works great to make the room feel clean, fresh, relaxing and peaceful.
And I am going to Michigan Fiber Festival this August, it's been 12 years now since that first and only trip, and I am so looking forward to the festival, hoping to take a class or 2, will be going with a good friend, he's going for the trip and holiday, I'm going for the fibers and friends and fun.
And now that the laptop is so much easier to use, I hope to blog more often and to get busy with that genealogy stuff I want to work on. And once I have this room settled, stuff move down, around and in place, I should have a cleaner, more tidy and easier to work in sewing room, but it won't happen as fast as I want.
But spring is about here, it will warm up and bike riding season will be here, so riding will take some of that weekend time the old house has gotten lately.
But I have regained my downstairs bedroom, the needed repairs and repainting is not finished but I'm now sleeping in my room and am making progress with the remaining repair work and painting. This evening I did some clean up work, have the top of my chest of drawers cleaned off and even moved some of my dolls back in.
It has been over 6.5 years since this was my room but I once again have use of my computer desk and my laptop is now residing there. Granted, I still need to do the repairs in the corner where the old brick chimney was removed, and finish up the painting in this corner, then do some tweaking with the bookcase so it will integrate with the corner computer desk, and I also am putting in another electrical outlet in this corner, and will need a light, borrowing Ben's clip on 1 for now.
The attic expansion project is still on going, but most of it is done, I now have a sewing studio and the dolls and I have a retreat--which is where that son is now camping... and I want him camping, not settling in and putting down roots. He's been back living at Mom's for close to 4 years this time, and is working now, has been since early June 2017, is paying on back bills and helping some here, the city utility bill is now his responsibility, he owns my old truck now, and has his own insurance. I am finally the only person on my auto/bike insurance and the only 1 driving my car or running my bikes, which work nicely for me.
Work is still hard, arthritis is slowly increasing as is my pain levels some days but I have won a bid to a job which should be a bit easier on my aging body. But I keep working, keep earning a living and have the money I need to pay my bills and some days, even a bit extra.
And this evening I have worked on removing some of the adhesive residue on my chest of drawers, from the move from Missouri, so it's cleaning I should have done years and years ago.
Last time around the computer corner was the southwest corner of the room, the west wall is an outside wall, and I decided that this time I will put myself away from that winter cold and be more comfortable. And I will get a small area rug for the computer area, so my feet don't get as cold in the winter and so the new computer chair, which I have not yet bought, will not damage the hardwood floor's varnish.
The room now has actual doors, sliding doors with barn door style hardware, and gates to keep dogs out, as does the stairs. Most of my shelving is going back up, but some will change locations, and the room is now pale pistachio. the trim is done in hedgerow olive, and the colors work well, I don't like the colors for fabrics, don't like olive much at all, but it works well with the wall color, so, yes, I do like it here, for the trim, for those shelf boards, it really works far better than white woodwork, no problem with all the different woods that are in here, and it's the green that worked best with the wall color, which works great to make the room feel clean, fresh, relaxing and peaceful.
And I am going to Michigan Fiber Festival this August, it's been 12 years now since that first and only trip, and I am so looking forward to the festival, hoping to take a class or 2, will be going with a good friend, he's going for the trip and holiday, I'm going for the fibers and friends and fun.
And now that the laptop is so much easier to use, I hope to blog more often and to get busy with that genealogy stuff I want to work on. And once I have this room settled, stuff move down, around and in place, I should have a cleaner, more tidy and easier to work in sewing room, but it won't happen as fast as I want.
But spring is about here, it will warm up and bike riding season will be here, so riding will take some of that weekend time the old house has gotten lately.
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