I really like my Kindle and it might be worth it's price in just the free e-books I can download and read. One I am reading and re-reading is Living Rich by Spending Smart by Greg Karp and although I am already doing some of the things advised or mentioned in the book, I will be doing more.
One of the things I do need to do is put in writing why I feel I have so much financial debt,who I came to build up that debt load and the mistakes or poor choices and why I made them.
So, today I am starting that. I know I spend money or credit when I am feeling sorry for myself or am rewarding myself. That is something I need to look at closer and sort out my feeling in a hot tub instead of on line shopping trips.Adding to my debt load or spending money that needs to pay down bills or buy food does not gain me anything positive.
Another problem has been my choices of men in my life,I have made some costly choices there since my divorce from Sam, that was probably the start. So, debts have built up, poor choices have continued and I have spent $$ on men that really should have never been in my house, my life or gotten a dime spent on them.
Losers, I have a long history of dating and living with losers, of picking men I can 'fix' or take care of, and I use my money to fix things for them, buy them gifts, pay bills for them or help support them. Mike Ferrin was the last on that list and I hope I am breaking that habit.
And supporting my adult son, Ben has been a real financial drag, it's costly and it does not make his life or mine better. He needs to take care of himself, and I need to quit letting him live off me. That is one thing I am doing now, he's out of the house now, some of his stuff is still here but I did change the locks and he does not have a key to the new locks.
I am getting close to a settlement with State Farm on the auto accident from last year and by state law the max they can be made to pay me is the policy value per accident, less the costs. This is 3x the max medical per person, and I do have a legal right to request that be paid instead of settling for the medical which after my medical bills and lost wages, what I have to pay back to Cargill for the disability I got from them will give me very little cash.
I'm managing now so putting off a settlement to gain what I am legally entitled to is the wise choice.
Now that Ben is out I am finding my household bills are less, that is helping and I have some medical bills paid off, Larry feeds me some, he is not a drain on my finances or heart.
It's going to be a long and hard haul but I am working on smarter choices and thinking more about how I got to where I am financially, not counting the accident it's self but the spending of the past 16+ years and what it's done to me.
Hard look at myself and I don't like what I see, but only by looking at past choices and analyzing them will I be able to get my financial house into a livable order and prepare for my growing old and fixed income and live on that.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Offended, but blast it, can't change people...
I got offended by something Larry's daughter said when she called him this am. We get it from everyone, or rather from far too many people who need more to do than think about what Larry and I do when we are together or who assume all we do is have sex. I'm not a slut, I am not an easy lay, or desperate...and it offends me.
Larry is far more than a sex toy, he's warm, kind, funny, he's far more than just someone to have sex with and I know I am more than that to him.
Yes, we are adults and do have sex, and we enjoy it. But that's just a small part of what we have and what we do...
I can't change people, I won't let them make waves in my emotional pond for long, but I came home feeling hurt and wounded and wanting to just curl up somewhere and cry.
It won't fix a thing, it's not Larry's fault and it's not mine, it's just people being stupid. It won't hurt us unless we let it and Larry is NOT, so now it's me and my getting my head around this stupidity...
That man and I have something, it works for us,and we won't let the world, friends, neighbors, kids make much waves for us.. It is our lives and our business.
So, it's my days off and cold again so I won't get as much done outside as I had hoped but I will get some things done here, including clean sheets on my bed..
Being upset over Becky's comment, or those of other people is something I will get over, and we are rather open about our closeness, we like that holding hands stuff, me sitting in the middle of the bench seat in the pickup trucks, and we we won't stop just to suit the world..
Larry is far more than a sex toy, he's warm, kind, funny, he's far more than just someone to have sex with and I know I am more than that to him.
Yes, we are adults and do have sex, and we enjoy it. But that's just a small part of what we have and what we do...
I can't change people, I won't let them make waves in my emotional pond for long, but I came home feeling hurt and wounded and wanting to just curl up somewhere and cry.
It won't fix a thing, it's not Larry's fault and it's not mine, it's just people being stupid. It won't hurt us unless we let it and Larry is NOT, so now it's me and my getting my head around this stupidity...
That man and I have something, it works for us,and we won't let the world, friends, neighbors, kids make much waves for us.. It is our lives and our business.
So, it's my days off and cold again so I won't get as much done outside as I had hoped but I will get some things done here, including clean sheets on my bed..
Being upset over Becky's comment, or those of other people is something I will get over, and we are rather open about our closeness, we like that holding hands stuff, me sitting in the middle of the bench seat in the pickup trucks, and we we won't stop just to suit the world..
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Doing the math for practical life.
One of the 'pals' that Larry has coffee with keeps bringing up the 'married/getting married' stuff when he sees Larry. And it's so stupid, not because we don't care about each other, we do and we have good communication and good chemistry but when I look at the practical aspects of our lives, it just does not work well.
He has his paid for place, with enough parking for what he owns, a garage and a home he has lived in for years, in a quiet corner of this town.
I have a renovation project with another 5 years on the mortgage and a lot of work needing done, but it has my flower beds, my garden space and enough room for what I need. And I can live here and stay healthy and off drugs to control my allergies and asthma.
Larry's place would cost a lot of money to get to where I could live in it full time with my allergies and stay healthy. And there's not enough space for my sewing, my dolls, my books. There's no garden or flower beds, I would be starting from scratch once again and I am not willing to do that.
Here, there's no space for all that Larry owns, not enough parking room, no garage, and not enough land/lot to build that without me giving up a lot of my very small amount of land. And the house is not big enough for all of his stuff and mine too so that would require a lot of each of us thinning out our stuff to fit the space and then the cost of making more space and garage and so forth.
There's the cost of medical care and health insurance issues, and of our adult children and estates.
We can do this our way, 2 lives, 2 homes and sleep often in the same bed, his some nights, mine some nights, we don't have need of a license and others are not running our lives, making our choices or supporting us. We will not have children together, I am turning 55, he is 63, our parenting days are done and we are glad of that.
It's a fun together, companionship, hot romance, good company, comfortable with each other thing that we have going,it's our relationship, our lives and we are doing just fine at running it all by our selves.
We are not trying to run any other lives or relationships, just our own. we are adults and competent adults. We might act like we are a pair of teens in lust but that's our choices and our fun.
We didn't expect something so comfortable, so fast, nor did we expect something so 'good chemistry' but we sure are not complaining about that either.
I miss him when we are apart but I am able to function alone. I still like my quiet house, my time with my books and knitting and dog, I am not lonely, but miss Larry. It's not the same as being lonely.
He misses me when we are apart, but he has a life, and things he does, places he goes, he can manage just fine all day without me right there, we just LIKE being together a lot...
So, practical reasons, personal reasons, our reasons, it is really our lives and we are living them our way, despite his adult children and their worries and concerns, despite my maint. pals and their 'fun' and despite the nosy 'biddies' that are all retired men and Larry's friends/pals/acquaintances.
In time everyone will adjust or find something more entertaining than what Larry and I are doing, and in the meantime we will do as we please, regardless of the rest of the world, it's our lives and we will live it our way.
He has his paid for place, with enough parking for what he owns, a garage and a home he has lived in for years, in a quiet corner of this town.
I have a renovation project with another 5 years on the mortgage and a lot of work needing done, but it has my flower beds, my garden space and enough room for what I need. And I can live here and stay healthy and off drugs to control my allergies and asthma.
Larry's place would cost a lot of money to get to where I could live in it full time with my allergies and stay healthy. And there's not enough space for my sewing, my dolls, my books. There's no garden or flower beds, I would be starting from scratch once again and I am not willing to do that.
Here, there's no space for all that Larry owns, not enough parking room, no garage, and not enough land/lot to build that without me giving up a lot of my very small amount of land. And the house is not big enough for all of his stuff and mine too so that would require a lot of each of us thinning out our stuff to fit the space and then the cost of making more space and garage and so forth.
There's the cost of medical care and health insurance issues, and of our adult children and estates.
We can do this our way, 2 lives, 2 homes and sleep often in the same bed, his some nights, mine some nights, we don't have need of a license and others are not running our lives, making our choices or supporting us. We will not have children together, I am turning 55, he is 63, our parenting days are done and we are glad of that.
It's a fun together, companionship, hot romance, good company, comfortable with each other thing that we have going,it's our relationship, our lives and we are doing just fine at running it all by our selves.
We are not trying to run any other lives or relationships, just our own. we are adults and competent adults. We might act like we are a pair of teens in lust but that's our choices and our fun.
We didn't expect something so comfortable, so fast, nor did we expect something so 'good chemistry' but we sure are not complaining about that either.
I miss him when we are apart but I am able to function alone. I still like my quiet house, my time with my books and knitting and dog, I am not lonely, but miss Larry. It's not the same as being lonely.
He misses me when we are apart, but he has a life, and things he does, places he goes, he can manage just fine all day without me right there, we just LIKE being together a lot...
So, practical reasons, personal reasons, our reasons, it is really our lives and we are living them our way, despite his adult children and their worries and concerns, despite my maint. pals and their 'fun' and despite the nosy 'biddies' that are all retired men and Larry's friends/pals/acquaintances.
In time everyone will adjust or find something more entertaining than what Larry and I are doing, and in the meantime we will do as we please, regardless of the rest of the world, it's our lives and we will live it our way.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Into March and on with life
It's my Friday off and I didn't end up going to Springfield with pal Darrell for his shoulder surgery so that means I had early coffee with Larry and then we did his blood work thing up in Rushville. I then ran some errands and now am home with my feet up and Kid's enjoying Mom home.
Ben's stuff is gathered up and ready to go somewhere besides my bathroom and living room, Jake's stuff needs to be put in the storage area still but I need to do some making room work before it can move.
The state tax return came and my Kindle and a skin for it has been ordered, I want a cover but will wait a bit for that, can come up with something here for a while until it's on the budget. I did also price checking on car insurance and can't change that at this time, maybe in a year I will be a better insurance risk.
The house is staying clean while I am gone, or the mess doesn't get worse and that is a nice change, I have no idea where Ben is but he's an adult, I just would like the jeep keys to turn up so I can get Andy's blankets out of my way.
Jake's buying the jeep from his dad and for now it's living in my yard, I am so not happy about the whole situation but know Jake's doing what he feels is best and I can live with the jeep here IF I have keys so I can move it out of my way now and then to mow and so forth.
Foot is doing very well, that should scare me but I think I will just appreciate how much less pain I am having and how much better I am walking.
I have bid for a frock room job and hope to get the opening, it will pay less per hour but think long term it will be so much better for me and I will have Sundays free again so that means I can attend church some and also doll club meetings IF I do get the job.
Money is so very tight here, I can't afford to keep supporting/housing/feeding Ben. It's time he was self supporting and time for me to get with putting my financial house into better order and also my house cleaner, my life in better shape.
This Larry thing is good for both of us, we aren't looking too far down the road but we are comfortable with each other. I know that I can't move away from my little house and what I am working on here, not even a few blocks away and that's his home, his place, his space and he needs it that way. So, we get to know the streets between here and there, we fit our time together when we can and we don't worry about who talks or what others think. He's widowed, I am divorced, our kids are all adults so it's our choices and lives, not theirs to live.
I did pass all my truck license tests in plant so now can get more comfortable and experience with both the scissor lift and the stand up trucks. So, that's a weekend work project, have the license so now am not violating company rules to use/practice with them.
And the birds are making noise and need their cage cleaned so I will get that done..and find something to do, sure would like to be getting Jake's things out of my sewing space...maybe next days off, I can start the make space job before work and have it done by Thursday..if weather co-operates and I get with it. It would be nice to get my sewing space back once again.
And I have a box I want down in the storage area and out of my way here too.
Ben's stuff is gathered up and ready to go somewhere besides my bathroom and living room, Jake's stuff needs to be put in the storage area still but I need to do some making room work before it can move.
The state tax return came and my Kindle and a skin for it has been ordered, I want a cover but will wait a bit for that, can come up with something here for a while until it's on the budget. I did also price checking on car insurance and can't change that at this time, maybe in a year I will be a better insurance risk.
The house is staying clean while I am gone, or the mess doesn't get worse and that is a nice change, I have no idea where Ben is but he's an adult, I just would like the jeep keys to turn up so I can get Andy's blankets out of my way.
Jake's buying the jeep from his dad and for now it's living in my yard, I am so not happy about the whole situation but know Jake's doing what he feels is best and I can live with the jeep here IF I have keys so I can move it out of my way now and then to mow and so forth.
Foot is doing very well, that should scare me but I think I will just appreciate how much less pain I am having and how much better I am walking.
I have bid for a frock room job and hope to get the opening, it will pay less per hour but think long term it will be so much better for me and I will have Sundays free again so that means I can attend church some and also doll club meetings IF I do get the job.
Money is so very tight here, I can't afford to keep supporting/housing/feeding Ben. It's time he was self supporting and time for me to get with putting my financial house into better order and also my house cleaner, my life in better shape.
This Larry thing is good for both of us, we aren't looking too far down the road but we are comfortable with each other. I know that I can't move away from my little house and what I am working on here, not even a few blocks away and that's his home, his place, his space and he needs it that way. So, we get to know the streets between here and there, we fit our time together when we can and we don't worry about who talks or what others think. He's widowed, I am divorced, our kids are all adults so it's our choices and lives, not theirs to live.
I did pass all my truck license tests in plant so now can get more comfortable and experience with both the scissor lift and the stand up trucks. So, that's a weekend work project, have the license so now am not violating company rules to use/practice with them.
And the birds are making noise and need their cage cleaned so I will get that done..and find something to do, sure would like to be getting Jake's things out of my sewing space...maybe next days off, I can start the make space job before work and have it done by Thursday..if weather co-operates and I get with it. It would be nice to get my sewing space back once again.
And I have a box I want down in the storage area and out of my way here too.
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