The snow has almost all melted away, the creeping charlie is growing every day. I have so much to do and life has been crazy lately. Jake had leave and it was a great leave compared to the last one.
Now I am trying to move Ben out and get my life going my way once again. I have old house projects planned, garden and flower bed work planned and soon it will be warm enough to get started.
I also have a new playmate to enjoy. He's more than just a playmate but I am not ready to say a lot about how I feel. It's not what I expected or wanted to walk into my life and now I see what happens as we get to know each other better.
Foot is tolerating work better but I plan to bid on the up-coming frock/equipment job and hope I can get it. The pay is less per hour but it should be safer and easier on my foot and less co-worker stress for the most part.
And the state does have my tax return in process so I hope in a week or 2 to see my refund paid into my bank account so I can buy the roses I want and the Kindle e-reader I want. Between the 2 of them I will spend about all that refund but I am going to be pleased with the roses I am getting and I will use the e-reader alot.
We are talking camping soon, Larry owns a new(to him) 5th wheel, it replaces what he used to have and it's nice. I can give up tent camping if that's what it takes to have camping trips with Larry.
6 months ago I didn't know if I could even keep my job and I knew there would never be any man that could become important. Now I am adding new roads to that road map for my life I have been re-drawing and I know I can do my job and earn my way in life.
There are still a lot of things I need to work out, the insurance settlement and getting my 2nd son moved out and keep him moved out are high on the list here.
but life has far more joy and happiness than I expected to ever have again.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
bad dreams...
I don't remember what I dreamed last night, just small bits and pieces and I woke up feeling stressed and unhappy. And I am not sure why my dreams were so disturbed, nothing that I watched on tv should have caused a problem and nothing has happened in the real world I am living in,
Work is going ok, I am glad I was able to go back to work after the accident, and some shifts get hard but I do like my job and most of the people there. My foot gets miserable some times, but I'm not often taking anything for pain so that's good.
Winter is long and hard this winter, we've had more snow than I have seen for years but I have managed to shovel what I needed to and Ben and Tamara helped with this last storm. But I'm not depressed with winter or the cold.
So I don't know why or what rattled my sleep and walked through my dreams--or I know who/what but I will sort it out and get my balance and composure back. My life here is good, there is balance and peace.
My finances are slowly getting better, it will take a long time but I am making progress and I am making progress with the house, not fast but a bit at a time. I'm not going to let the past and anyone from the past screw up my head, especially those that share my blood and genetics.
I did the best I knew how to be a good parent, I wasn't perfect but my kids are now all adults and living their own lives. I am not making any of their choices, nor am I responsible for their lives.
Like most parents, I want the best for my kids, and want them to be happy with their own lives, but I know they have to do the living of those lives, making the choices and dealing with the results of those choices.
Now, it's my life here, and my paychecks to make decisions with, and to support my self, and I do have a lot of stuff that I don't have to have, I buy things I want, I add to my doll collection and have techie toys that I don't need. It's a single and indulgent life in ways but it is my life.
And I am not going to let dreams or the past mess up my head nor am I going to let some sort of guilt trip crawl into my head either.
Work is going ok, I am glad I was able to go back to work after the accident, and some shifts get hard but I do like my job and most of the people there. My foot gets miserable some times, but I'm not often taking anything for pain so that's good.
Winter is long and hard this winter, we've had more snow than I have seen for years but I have managed to shovel what I needed to and Ben and Tamara helped with this last storm. But I'm not depressed with winter or the cold.
So I don't know why or what rattled my sleep and walked through my dreams--or I know who/what but I will sort it out and get my balance and composure back. My life here is good, there is balance and peace.
My finances are slowly getting better, it will take a long time but I am making progress and I am making progress with the house, not fast but a bit at a time. I'm not going to let the past and anyone from the past screw up my head, especially those that share my blood and genetics.
I did the best I knew how to be a good parent, I wasn't perfect but my kids are now all adults and living their own lives. I am not making any of their choices, nor am I responsible for their lives.
Like most parents, I want the best for my kids, and want them to be happy with their own lives, but I know they have to do the living of those lives, making the choices and dealing with the results of those choices.
Now, it's my life here, and my paychecks to make decisions with, and to support my self, and I do have a lot of stuff that I don't have to have, I buy things I want, I add to my doll collection and have techie toys that I don't need. It's a single and indulgent life in ways but it is my life.
And I am not going to let dreams or the past mess up my head nor am I going to let some sort of guilt trip crawl into my head either.
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