The Vespa was long thought out, long researched and even which, of 5 different models with 150-155cc engines Vespa makes that I would buy. I admit that a more noticeable color than the silver would be nice, or more noticed by drivers who don't look for bikes and scooters on the streets and roads, but this scooter works for me and will long term.
I like riding, get a lot of unwind time riding and see no reason to not buy what I want for a ride, if I can and am willing to pay for it. The budget will be tighter and I have less going into my 401K plans but I also changed how they were invested and they now grow slowly but grow, I don't have losses now that eat away at what comes out of my paychecks. Nor do I have questionable investments that could take it all in a moment and leave me with nothing of what I worked for and had put away.
This old house needs a lot of work and money, sure looks rough, both inside and out, has some structural issues in front to be dealt with, starting with supporting the porch roof so the rest can be torn out, some sill plate replaced and then the porch foundation replaced, rebuilt and the porch roof once again supported by that porch structure. Pain in the ass to figure out and build that support before the tear out can happen, and I will not start that tear out until I have funds to not only tear it out and dispose of the bad concrete and other rubble but also do the rebuild and do it right. That means tax time, for the most part but might actually work on that roof support this fall.
Our Presidental election this heart looks to be entertaining IF you don't live here in the States, a bad dream that easily could become a long nightmare if you are a US citizen. I don't think we have a good choice this time around, bad and probably a lot worse is more how it is shaping up. There are times I can appreciate getting old and knowing I don't have to spend many years helping dig our country out of the messes that our elected people keep digging us into. Illinois have plenty of it's own debt and political problems, know wishing ill health or death on someone is wrong but there are times I see that as the best way to rid ourselves of a person in power that seems impossible to get voted out or removed from a job.....
But, little by little, I keep making my life work, making choices, most of the time, that make my life stable, livable and make me content and happy. I like who I am, the way I live my life and the directions I am going, for the most part. Know it is not a life that would work for every one, and is often more solitary than others realize.
Thinking back, and knowing I had plenty of 'toxic people' choices in my life, am related to several of those 'toxic people' and married or almost married some of them, I thank God daily that I am now able to screen better and make better choices. Not always easy, and sure had some guilt tripping to deal with and work around, through or get away from. But, I am NOT responsible for the poor choices of others, it is not my job to clean up or pay the bills or go without because of their choices and it is not a result of my parenting.
I work hard to have stability, to keep a job, to do a good job at work and to be a good employee, to earn that much needed paycheck and to appreciate all that paycheck pays for and helps me provide in my small life. I would not have this house or the improvements I have made on this old house without that paycheck, or the good credit that I appreciate and use. I would not have that old truck I keep repaired or that Dodge Neon I bought and put a lot of money into for repairs, that 2008 Honda Rebel I ride and love or that new Vespa I have 3 years of payments to make on.
YES, this is a "I" and "me" post, it is also my blog. The parrots are doing fine, Shadow is napping, the rain looks like it is past, the clean laundry is put away, and I get to make the decisions on what I do the rest of today. I won't be feeling bad or guilty because I have a roof over my head, transportation and food in the house. That is what I keep a job for, and why I go to work every day, usually glad to have a job, a job that has above minimum wage pay, and benefits. No one gives me that, and no one has provided much in my life, not freely and not from love or any other reason. As an adult, I have earned my way, every day, and paid for not just what I had, wore or ate but also helped provide that for others, my children, men in my life, and others.
I have really quit providing much for others, a very few matter enough for me to do for them or buy for them, I am not very charitable, and I am not very soft hearted, and I quit being a gullible fool a long time ago. That gullible fool stuff cost me a lot, both emotionally and financially, took a lot of hard and painful lessons to get over that, get hard, get tough and most of all, get smart.
I am not throwing rocks at others, and I am not going to let people from that past know just how much I now look down on them, think poorly or bad of them. It and they are not worth the effort or the time and my time and my life are valuable, at least to me. It took me way too many years to learn to value myself and to feel I had worth, too many people worked hard to keep me feeling valueless and deserving of their abuse and deserving to be used by them.
Yes, I have moved on, and yes, I do like my life, and no, I am not hung up on the past, or letting it drag me around, but there are moments when I stop and think where I am now, what I have, what I am doing and try to imagine what my life would be like with that person or this other person in my life. And know how sad and miserable a life I would be living.
I don't I'll wish any of them, but I sure won't let them back into my life, not my daughter, not the father of my sons, not the beau from the past. All toxic, all users, and all have the lives they have earned and the lives that are the results of their own life choices, not my choices and not my doing.
So, I will put on my riding wear and go take 1 of my rides out and enjoy my Sunday.
