Human issues and God

I absolutely believe in God, or the existence of something far beyond my human understanding that exists, and is involved with our tiny human lives.  I do believe in the birth and death of Jesus, and that of the teacher called Budda.

I believe in a final judgement of a soul, after it has moved on from the body it resides/ resided in.  And I believe in reincarnation.

I believe in forgiveness and in forgiving but I think that some sort of rules are in force here.  If I deliberately hurt or harm, or cause harm, attempt to cause harm to someone, it only by repenting of my actions and Asking Them for that forgiveness do balance or start to correct that wrong, their forgiving me, once I am dead does not fix this wrong with God or the world, but if the issue troubles that person, their forgiving me after death can make them more comfortable.  It does not gain the dead anything, they are still accountable for their actions and get to sort it out with God.

Death is not an automatic clean slate wipe for the soul, and if I see no reason to forgive the dead, that does not make me a bad person, their sins are not weighing on my soul, mine are.  And if what wrong they did me is long past and I have lived years beyond the reach of that person, good for me.

I do believe that God is firmly in charge of those scales of justice and can sleep well, knowing it is with God first I keep my life in balance.

No, I am not forgiving some nasty, mean bit of humanity, but I am also not letting their past actions make any waves in my emotional pond.  They were not worth packing around in my load of emotional garbage I pack around.  Their actions eventually got them terminated from our mutual place of employment, solved my being harassed by them and in time I relocated in another state.

So, no, this death makes little waves in my pond.  I am thankful to now be employed where our management takes swift action to stop harassment long before it has much of a start and where no one tells me I need a better sense of humor when I ask management to put a stop to my being harassed in the work place.

The rough and rocky road I walk.

The kitchen is close to done, some trim work and painting, the counters to come and be installed, me to plumb the new sink, so that is looking better.  The mortgage papers are signed and Tuesday I pick up the check and will have Lowe's paid off and some on the rest of my debt load.

But I am not working, and have no income, have a heart condition and am chasing medical tests and the leave/disability pay paperwork and trying to make sure this medical issue does not cost me my much needed and much liked job in a place I like to work, with good pay and benefits.

In the meantime, I do not see the cardiologist again until 1/7/2015, all the tests should be done by then and I will learn what has been found and hopefully get on a treatment plan that will allow me to be back at work and a stable life with a manageable health condition.

I have managed to get the allergies and asthma into a very controlled and livable issue and I have managed to get the physical damage from the car accident into a livable life and working again with very livable pain levels so I believe I can conquer this health issue too.

But the days get long, I have plenty of small jobs here I can work on, both old house, cleaning and sewing, mending, knitting, designing for the dolls, sewing for the dolls so there is plenty here to entertain me with little or no cost.

But I miss work, miss the job, the people, the routine and balance it gives my silly little life.  I will manage but it will take time and effort, pouting and feeling sorry for myself will not fix a thing, action, positive thought, planning will.

But I had my first dinner guests in my kitchen, Sam, who came to see Jake and bring over a car, and Jake's girlfriend and her mother.  The potatoes and chicken went into the grill, Ben helped with a lot of quick house cleaning and kitchen tidying up, Jake bought the chicken and made sure his dad didn't get too lost and we survived.

Next time I want a working kitchen sink and the counters installed, a bit more planning time and to not be feeling sick from the stress test I had yesterday.

But, we did ok, no one starved, we all had clean dish ware to eat from, and Shadow survived being chained outside so we humans did not have to battle or trip over him.

How Jake managed to get his dad to drive over here, alone is amazing, Sam hates long drives, roads he does not know, but he made it with little problem.  I would like to route him back the way I usually run but as Jake will be going with him, Jake is buying the little car Sam drove over, nice looking and makes me wish I could afford it.

But the house is quiet, the weather is staying mild, the old house is looking better and I feel a bit more positive about my life now than I did when I headed to bed last night.