Most of the time I think my life is ok, that I have managed to achieve a good balance and most importantly, peace of mind and like who I am and how I live my life. I made a job change in plant and that has been positive. Less stress, less physically taxing and I work with 3 really great women.
I am finally living alone, except for parrots and Shadow, which works well. I still have a lot of work here on this old house that needs done and a lot of putting my stuff in order, getting rid of a few things and making my spaces work for me, and making my sewing studio more orderly and usable.
Finances get really tight but I know that is my problem and I can resolve it and I do, not always as fast as I would like but at least it's my problem and not caused by someone else. I have had plenty of that in the past and am very glad to not have some man sucking me dry, either financially or emotionally.
I still procrastinate too many things and I am working on some of that, and on getting more tidy, in my bedroom and the kitchen mainly, at least for now. And I still do not like conflict or dealing with people issues.
Single and no romantic, emotional involvements with any man works for me, and despite the pushing I feel from a guy I once was intimate with, I am NOT going down that road. How he feels, or says he feels is not my problem and is not going to manipulate my personal time and what I do with my life, or how I feel about anyone.
There is nothing wrong with me staying single, with me not having a love interest and with me wanting my time off work for my living, and for what I want to do and what I need to do. I am not willing to make any efforts to have much of a relationship with a man, they just are not that necessary in my life. And I sure do not want 1 in my bed or mauling my body. I just do not need or want that and I do not have to subject myself to it.
I did sell the much loved Rebel but also bought a used Vespa GTS that will work far better for me in the long run, and that is part of the financial bind I have put myself in, cost of plates, title and additional insurance costs. The LXV got a new tire, another financial ouch, and the rides both had oil changes and the GTS also got brake fluid changed, hub oil changed and since it has liquid cooled, that fluid also was changed. Add in the parts costs for a USB outlet in the glove box so I can charge my cell phone, ya, I managed to really make my savings dwindle and my grocery budget non-existent, at least for right now.
But I have vacation coming soon and am going to Michigan Fiber Festival and going Alone! No, I am not taking that guy pal, although he wants to go and we have discussed it, but that was before his pace maker was replaced, with some surgical issues, like very low blood pressure, so low they could not safely put him under to do the surgery and that the weather and heat/humidity can be very high up in Allegan Michigan during August, there is very limited shelter for people with health issues up at those county fair grounds and I have NO desire to spend any of my very long planned for vacation and classes at the Fiber Festival complicated by someone else's health issue and I do not want to worry about them or have to deal with anyone for the amount of time I will be gone.
Jake has moved back to Colorado, first he helped his dad, Sam, move back there and then moved himself, and I hope life there works for him, and he finds his direction and is happy. I know I don't have the answers for him and I love my youngest son, but he adds stress and complications to my world and helps Shadow be a problem dog. Not what that dog needs, not what I need and Jake does not want a long term life here in central Illinois.
I did Ancestry DNA test and have been chasing down those 'dead bodies' to fill in that family tree stuff, and have found a lot of good and solid people on my father's side. Growing up and hearing nothing but negative things about that man and his family, it has been good for my 'head' to find some really good people were his ancestors, people every bit as worthwhile as Grandma's Littlefield line.
And I am finding my Grandpa Noel's family, and so many, many ancestors. I have Dutch Reformation, Quakers, Mennonites, Baptists, Methodists, Catholics and that list of church and religious affiliations will probably grow. I have now 4 different people at least, that served in the Revolutionary War, and some immigrants. Of course, all my ancestors came from some immigrants, I don't think there is any Native Americans in my tree, but it seems a lot of my DNA got here before this nation was founded and that has surprised me. I knew Littlefields came here in 1638, but I had expected to find that more ancestors came here after that little war of Independence.
And it's time to shut things down, get some stuff ready for the morning and back to work, I am not going to let that silly old man's anything make waves in my pond, he is not my entertainment job, and he's not going to become my child to take care of, or gain any of what he wants out of me. I just do not like his campground where he now has his camper, I don't want to watch tv at his house, hell, I don't want to watch tv, I am not wanting to have him keep me company on my vacation time and I don't want to chat on line with him any amount...got stuff I would rather be doing.
No comments:
Post a Comment