Or I am not willing to put into writing my life and my thoughts anymore. I’ve found myself isolating myself, the small details of my life and my thoughts. I’m not sure just why but my personal privacy has become so very important to me, including my thoughts, my hopes, my fears and just where all my mind goes wandering.
But my life is actually going ok, yes, there are a few issues that I will be dealing with as time goes, and the old house sure needs work and I need to put more effort into having a cleaner and more tidy home, I am still not dealing with all the stuff I moved out of the antique oak china hutch and antique chest of drawers that moved to Versailles and son Ben’s new home. He would have eventually inherited them and he and Lora can use them now and really did have more need of them than I did. But I still need to sort out and put away things and have put off doing that, for the most part. My upstairs needs serious cleaning and put into order, the single bed went to Ben’s also so that’s created a mess on the retreat side of my Attic space. The studio is a mess, between me and the cats, yes, we have a mess that needs tidying and I have 2 quilt tops planned and the fabrics for them so need to make time for those also and hopefully manage to create some order out of the chaos while I am making at least 1 of them.
Work is now 2nd shift and I do like the balance my life has now but the job I bid to is now causing major hand problems, neuropathy in both hands and gee, like hundreds of others before me, I am finding some problems with our nursing department and even more issues with the ‘company doctor’, first appointment was in plant, and a nurse practitioner who either thought I am very stupid or is very unqualified herself. I plan to ask Danny, our 2nd shift Safety head to attend the next appointment and I don’t plan to be sweet, nice and tolerant. But I will choose my words carefully and that’s definitely something I am often very good at. But in the meantime, my hands are having enough problems that I am not able to make long, enjoyable runs on my scooters or knit very much or do many of the very familiar hand tasks that sewing actually takes. And the fact that my hand problems, caused by my job duties is maddening. I have asked, repeatedly that open jobs be posted for bid, as required by our contracts so I could bid off the stomach flush job to other open/available (by our contract) jobs that I could do with less damage to my so very damn important hands.
On the fun side of life, a guy I have some slight acquaintance with is back at the plant, maintenance job instead of tech service/quality control, and on 2nd shift and instead of keeping him at arm’s length, as i did years ago I am actually flirting some with him. And we aren’t quite acting like silly teens in school, but ya, sort of like that. And we text some. . . and when we can actually figure out how to spend some time together, not at work, ya, we are going to figure out if it’s just a spark that doesn’t work or if there’s something that we might like to work on, that also works for our own lives, goals and directions.
So, life has a good balance, it’s not perfect but I find great joy in small things, like the 2 tire garden this year, 1 zucchini plant has been removed, some sort of insect damage, but I am eating my own zucchini and the tomatoes are starting to ripen, 2 different types of cherry tomatoes and 2 jalapeños plants. Not a big garden but maybe next year I will have 3 tires to plant in and play with. And the Dragon fruit seeds did sprout and some lived and are now really growing well as the plants moved outside for the summer.
That asking son Ben for a kitten last year for Mother’s Day has worked out, but not exactly how I wanted. I didn’t close in around my shop building, all the people harboring/feeding feral and strays/dumped cats are gone, I missed that. . . And ended up with 2 pregnant cats, who still live here, along with 2 kittens, now young adults that I couldn’t find homes for, 1 female, Rachel is probably 6+ years old and was definitely dumped/abandoned and she’s not even interested in escaping, she’s very glad to be my house cat and yes, I did shut down that kitten factory. The other has to have been badly abused as she’s just terrified of humans, despite living here in the house for almost a year, she’s still afraid of me. But she’s very house trained and other than not tame enough to catch, crate and pack to the vet to be fixed, she’s no problem for me. I would like to see her fixed as I am sure she’d be much less stressed without the continual heat cycles.
Working nights/2nd shift again is so much better for my mental health, for my creativity and for my getting things done here. I still procrastinate way too much but am working on dealing with myself on that. Finances are getting better, debt load is going down, and I am happier.
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