But I ALSO make some foolish or stupid decisions and use my credit poorly, which is why I have so much credit debt and make so little progress getting it paid down, paid off and getting out of debt. I know progress on this old house goes far slower because of the credit debt and the dolls, but I STILL add to my doll collection and use credit to do that.
So, now I have a doll head off to a face painting artist to redo her face, because I messed up her factory original paint, and I am talking a $600 doll, not something I picked up at WalMart. And I have another of that very same doll in shipping to me, that I might keep or sell or trade, but I seem to have her named already in my head, so that does say something about me keeping her tidy and safe in her box and packing until I have her sold or traded.
And I have another sewing machine coming, not a bad buy for Bernina, less than $100, inluding the shipping and I will get the Singer tidied up and put it up for sale, keeping my Berninas as I can swap feet about on them and they will allow me to move a project more easily from machine to machine with little or no difference in the stitching or seam widths.
I choose to cut out some of the things others have, like tv service, meals out, and movie rentals, trips I do not need to make, vacations away from home, but I will have my old house, my yarns, fabrics, sewing machines and my dolls.
There are some real solid reasons to not be dating, my finances and time are spent more to my liking and needs, my house gets better attention and I am much happier. I dont want to argue, fight, or lie to some man about how I spend the money I earn or how much I have spent on a doll or yarns or fabrics. I have hopped through hoops to please a man, or tried to be what they wanted me to be and that sure did not work well.
So, now I live this little life here in this small, old river town, work in the local meat packing plant, live in an old house that had a lot of neglect and some poor choices in repair or improvements in the long past, and I have few friends here, and I like my life that way. I tend to like the company of my dog, birds and dolls better than most humans.
I am waiting for 2 dolls actually, 1 is a preorder and will come in the summer or early fall, but the one that will come soon is a duplicate of the one I should have NOT bought on Ebay 3 weekends ago but did as soon as I saw the BIN for the doll at a price, including shipping for less than the seller paid for the doll when she preordered her, many months ago.
The extra dolls from that shipment went up for sale last Saturday, very limited in number and I had NO valid reason to even be checking on them. But I signed in early, refreshed the page several times, put the doll in my cart, changed my mind, removed her, put her back in and paid for her. All deliberate choices, and I cannot blame anyone or make excuses. I did it while looking at the tan Izzy by Kaye Wiggs I just got and had made an outfit for, knowing what I was adding to my already debt load.
And no matter how many times I say that I will sell or trade her, that is not a sure thing and I know, in my small little head, I have her named.
So, now I will soon be up to 3 Bernina sewing machines and still need a lot of drywall in my attic space, and have plenty of medical bills to make payments on, am on light duty due to an accident at work that has 26 stitches in the back of my left hand, so that helps cut my paycheck, I am on 36 hour weeks until I am released and back on my job on the kill floor.
So, while on light duty, I spent $600 in credit on a doll I do not need and already own and on another sewing machine, and have paid $50 to have my big ger Bernina serviced and now have my Nova ther to pick up Saturday and a Bernette 430 that should be shipped and here by the end of next week.
And to be honest, I am not depressed or worried about my actions and I am not going to try and excuse or justify them. It is my life and it is my earnings and my problem, and I will get bills paid, and I will make the compromises I need to where and when I have to. I know some of the recent spending choices have not been wise or smart or financially sound, but it is, after all, my life and I am the only one living it. So, I will deal with the cost of the choices, and admit I did not expect to win the 430 on eBay for the low amount I put as my maximum bid. I will use it and be glad I have it and sell the Singer I picked up at an estate auction almost 2 years ago.
And my state tax refund paid the cost of the artist painting my Izzy's face for me and I will make payments out of my savings named slush funds for the dolls I probably should not have bought but did anyway. and life goes on, now to tell my son that there is a package coming that he might need to watch and sign for.
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