Somehow last night at work I was thinking about what all is going on in the world and how much I really, really MISS having someone to talk to that really talks about the global economic condition, about who is really funding political campaigns, about what wind generators might or might not do. I miss having someone who will push me to use my brains, to think, to dig out the facts and to form my own opinion on some huge issues.
My grandfather is the 1 who first pushed me to think and use my brains, from the time I was 8 or 9, he had me reading adult books on religion, politics, history, you name it, he had an interest, he had me reading so he had someone to debate with, to talk with, to think with.
And Sam, Ben and Jake's dad, that man used his brains, we had subscriptions to some heavy news and science publications, we read them, we watched the news, we talked and debated and weighed the issues, long talks, lots of brain work.
Now I feel like I live in a 'brain vacuum' and although I know some great and very special people, none of them seem to want to think hard, chase facts, read/watch and think about what is going on around us.
I miss that, I want to talk to someone about the foreclosure issues, about wind power and where it might be going, about water rights and water shortages world wide and what that will/might do to us and everyone in the coming years. I want to discuss and debate the climate change and what we really do know, what the facts are.
It's no wonder I find so many people boring if I spend much time with them. And find men to be often not worth my time now. It's not that I don't like them, but if they don't really use their brains and think beyond their own lives, conversation with them gets dull and boring.
I don't think I have become hugely different because of this accident in January but I do know I don't want to waste my time on boring people when it comes to being a part of my real personal time and space.
I value the friendship D.H. and I now have, but it won't ever go back to a sexual relationship, he doesn't think far enough outside of his world. And I don't want sex just because a man wants it, I have no interest or desire for sex right now, and I am very ok with that. And my personal time is very limited now that I am back at work and my work hours, split shift, days on the weekend, 2nd shift Monday-Wedensday makes it hard to have any quality time with someone who works different hours.
Now that the Free Methodist church in Rushville is doing Bible Study on Sunday evenings I can attend that, not the same as church and Sunday School, I miss that but love my work schedule that I have. So, I will make the effort to go to Rushville after a very busy work shift and enjoy Bible Study on Sunday evenings but I will not make the effort to go to Springfield with D.H. to eat out and play.
I want to move beyond where this accident has me, I want to like who I have become now, I know I have changed in ways I am still figuring out, not huge changes but sure did sort out what really matters to me and who I really am.
Today makes my last work day of my work week, I need to get some more work done in the garden clean up and I have plans to go to Springfield Friday and I need to get the finances in good order and the checkbook register in order before that happens and get a few bills paid and know what bills I will be paying in the next few weeks so I can start getting a working budget and pattern for my finances once again. More paperwork, man, my life seems to revolve around paperwork.
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