I admit I am counting down the days until I am back at work. But I did get a doll dress made that I had cut out last fall. I did get the first estimate on replacing my roof, will want as many as I can get and then to check on rep of the bidders.
I did have a good day with Julie here yesterday. Ben's been here all week and has tinkered with Jake's damaged laptop. Appears that the LCD screen is damaged but rest of computer functions fine..so with something for a screen, Ben is gaming to his heart's content on Jake's computer--
I am coping ok, phone call from what was probably a collection agency for Mike Ferrin this week was a surprise, did not expect to have such calls coming here. I am not surprised about a collection agency wanting to contact him, just that they would have my phone # in connection with him.
Not a problem for me, Ben is the 1 who answered the phone and he also was surprised that anyone would call here for that person.
I do a lot of thinking and sorting out my head with time off work, my regular days off, and this vacation time. I still feel I am in a 'holding pattern' in some ways, but know my life is moving forward, or that time is, and I will get by and survive.
People and things don't matter to me as much as they did before the accident, I've pulled away emotionally from the world in some ways, and that has both it's good points and some probably negative ones.
I do look forward to spring and working my flower beds and garden, it does a lot of positive things for my soul and heart. This year I will get dormant oil and do my plum trees and the roses, this year I will buy some bug spray and use it carefully, this year I should not be so handicapped and unable to take care of my tiny bit of ground here.
I want to see the pampas grass started along the outside of the berm, and move the roses and replace them with Robin Hood Roses as they will get taller and make a tighter, higher hedge.
I will get through the winter and through the insurance settlement, I will get through the management changes at work, the changes in supply/warehouse department and I will not let this accident or Mike's deception mess up my life and head.
But I will also guard myself more than I did before, that trust issue is shot to pieces and at this time I have no reason to want to fix it. I am better off not trusting other people for the most part, depending on only me works far better than picking up myself after someone lets me down or messes my life up.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
A new year and figuring it out
So, it's getting close to the end of the first week of the new year. And getting close to the first anniversary of the car accident that has changed my life so profoundly. I am working on adjusting to all the changes, and still figuring some of them out.
Physically I have a lot more changes than are noticeable, the amount of pain, how it is affecting movement and attitude. How it has changed me in ways I didn't know it would change me.
Harder, more bitter, and more anger about the causes of the accident. It was not just Mark Young at fault, his state of mind was a direct result of his marriage problem and his argument with his wife about his adultery.
I have a harder attitude at work, and in some cases/situations, that is an improvement. Gwenn and Dave D no longer make much waves in my mental world with their petty attitudes or snippy, nasty little comments. I have not told them to go to hell but they sure do know they don't matter a lot to me and I don't cower at their disapproval or negative attitudes.
And I find it quite entertaining that they are both dis-pleased with who has the purchasing manager job and the new warehouse supervisor job. Bot of them applied for both of those openings and neither were qualified, but they are going to nit-pick the 2 people who did get those openings.
Maintenance has a very good opinion of Megan, the new dept. head and I have a lot of trust in their judgment, many of them have had Megan as their dept. head. Julie W, has a good history of supervisor in some challenging departments and I think she is more capable of dealing with warehouse, supply and the equipment/frock room people than Gwenn and Dave want to give her credit for. Jealous and sour grapes is a big part of their problems.
I am going to say they are right in their assessment of Tina T and what little work she manages to do and get done. We have had some changes in time schedules and job duties and it will be interesting to see if Tina T starts to get done what is now her job responsibilities.
Dating is a huge change, my attitude about relationships, what I need and want has changed with the changes in me this accident has caused. I am not willing to put much into a relationship nor do I want anyone taking up much of my off work time and I sure don't want someone taking up any space here in my home and adding to the work load here for me.
Mike Ferrin's deceptions about financial matters hurt me some financially, and emotionally sure added to the lack of trust in other people, especially men that I do have. He lied from the very beginning about some huge financial problems and obligations that were and are his and that could have resulted in me being impoverished for the rest of my life.
I have made some terrible financial choices in my adult life, and almost all of them have come about because of the man I was involved with at the time those decisions were made. Men have greatly benefited from those relationships and I have ended up footing the bills for that.
I am no longer willing or able to continue to be so very stupid about men and about money. I am not concerned about their poverty or money problems. I also will not get involved with anyone that could become a problem that way.
So, it suits me to have a very not too involved 'thing' going with Carl M. And what is or isn't going on between us is far more our business than people at plant realize. They can talk and speculate all they want. We will manage to get along and do what works for us despite their help and supervision and so forth.
I am ok with the person I have become with this accident, but I know some other are not as happy, mostly because I am not doing anything for them now, I am not willing to do anything for them now, I will not make time for them in my life...gee, too bad, I cannot take care of my own responsibilities and some of theirs.
I am looking at tax refund time and making a small dent in some of the debt load. I won't gain much but I will gain about $100 less per month to pay out so that can go to some of the huge credit debt so it goes down a bit faster.
I am looking forward to the doctor appointment and insurance visit after that and hope to see this accident settlement by construction time this spring. And I hope to see enough from the settlement so that the house can get the needed roof work without a loan.
This week I have a good paycheck and will put it to good use, know I need to be very practical for several years as I dig my way out of debt and work on repairs and improvements my old house needs.
I no longer feel guilty about having a self centered life, about me and what I want and need being the center of my life and what I do, how I spend my money and time. I have spent most of my 54 years doing for others first alot of the time, but I have no husband, and my children are all adults now, my parents are gone so I am on my own. And my responsibilities and my needs can come first and will.
Kid is my indulgence and spoilt and catered to pet, and the birds have me, but everyone else can go fend for themselves. I will choose who I spend my time with, and what I do for others. And I am not going to be able to fit into my time anyone or anything that don't suit me
Physically I have a lot more changes than are noticeable, the amount of pain, how it is affecting movement and attitude. How it has changed me in ways I didn't know it would change me.
Harder, more bitter, and more anger about the causes of the accident. It was not just Mark Young at fault, his state of mind was a direct result of his marriage problem and his argument with his wife about his adultery.
I have a harder attitude at work, and in some cases/situations, that is an improvement. Gwenn and Dave D no longer make much waves in my mental world with their petty attitudes or snippy, nasty little comments. I have not told them to go to hell but they sure do know they don't matter a lot to me and I don't cower at their disapproval or negative attitudes.
And I find it quite entertaining that they are both dis-pleased with who has the purchasing manager job and the new warehouse supervisor job. Bot of them applied for both of those openings and neither were qualified, but they are going to nit-pick the 2 people who did get those openings.
Maintenance has a very good opinion of Megan, the new dept. head and I have a lot of trust in their judgment, many of them have had Megan as their dept. head. Julie W, has a good history of supervisor in some challenging departments and I think she is more capable of dealing with warehouse, supply and the equipment/frock room people than Gwenn and Dave want to give her credit for. Jealous and sour grapes is a big part of their problems.
I am going to say they are right in their assessment of Tina T and what little work she manages to do and get done. We have had some changes in time schedules and job duties and it will be interesting to see if Tina T starts to get done what is now her job responsibilities.
Dating is a huge change, my attitude about relationships, what I need and want has changed with the changes in me this accident has caused. I am not willing to put much into a relationship nor do I want anyone taking up much of my off work time and I sure don't want someone taking up any space here in my home and adding to the work load here for me.
Mike Ferrin's deceptions about financial matters hurt me some financially, and emotionally sure added to the lack of trust in other people, especially men that I do have. He lied from the very beginning about some huge financial problems and obligations that were and are his and that could have resulted in me being impoverished for the rest of my life.
I have made some terrible financial choices in my adult life, and almost all of them have come about because of the man I was involved with at the time those decisions were made. Men have greatly benefited from those relationships and I have ended up footing the bills for that.
I am no longer willing or able to continue to be so very stupid about men and about money. I am not concerned about their poverty or money problems. I also will not get involved with anyone that could become a problem that way.
So, it suits me to have a very not too involved 'thing' going with Carl M. And what is or isn't going on between us is far more our business than people at plant realize. They can talk and speculate all they want. We will manage to get along and do what works for us despite their help and supervision and so forth.
I am ok with the person I have become with this accident, but I know some other are not as happy, mostly because I am not doing anything for them now, I am not willing to do anything for them now, I will not make time for them in my life...gee, too bad, I cannot take care of my own responsibilities and some of theirs.
I am looking at tax refund time and making a small dent in some of the debt load. I won't gain much but I will gain about $100 less per month to pay out so that can go to some of the huge credit debt so it goes down a bit faster.
I am looking forward to the doctor appointment and insurance visit after that and hope to see this accident settlement by construction time this spring. And I hope to see enough from the settlement so that the house can get the needed roof work without a loan.
This week I have a good paycheck and will put it to good use, know I need to be very practical for several years as I dig my way out of debt and work on repairs and improvements my old house needs.
I no longer feel guilty about having a self centered life, about me and what I want and need being the center of my life and what I do, how I spend my money and time. I have spent most of my 54 years doing for others first alot of the time, but I have no husband, and my children are all adults now, my parents are gone so I am on my own. And my responsibilities and my needs can come first and will.
Kid is my indulgence and spoilt and catered to pet, and the birds have me, but everyone else can go fend for themselves. I will choose who I spend my time with, and what I do for others. And I am not going to be able to fit into my time anyone or anything that don't suit me
Sunday, December 19, 2010
That wish list stuff
I don't do that commercial Christmas stuff, walked away from that 'crap' many years ago. I will eat the mid-winter feast meal, this year Cargill is doing our dinner on a Tuesday so I actually get to have my Christmas dinner. And the gift from the plant was a very nice sized ham and a really great sweatshirt fleece blanket in a very friendly gray that Kid and I will enjoy.
D.H. has backed off and now now longer tries to get me to do something after I get off work Sundays and I think he has finally accepted that I am not dating him, I am not going to Springfield or Jacksonville with him and that I don't want drug into any of the plant issues he's involved in, having or whatever.
It's cold, and I am not enjoying some of that, but I will survive. So far it's not been too bad in supply but some of my co-workers have set the area heater on 100, I turned it down, turned off the small electric heaters and was comfortable all shift. I was also busy and got things done that needed done.
I was spending some out of plant time with a maint. guy when I started that royal blue work sweater, now the replacement is done and I'm considering some time with that same guy again.
He does understand that I am still getting life back on solid ground, that I don't have much time or much 'me' to put into a relationship but he's ok with that. He also has done some things that hit me as making it obvious that he is interested in me...and we will both get some flack/teasing/comments about it. And he knew he would be 'opening the door' to talk and speculation on what's going on between us...plenty of audience to that coffee delivery and the comments he made. Including his supervisor. It's ok, I can handle the waves.
Jake's back at home base, talked to him last night, that was great, he sounds good, happy, talking about his leave, doesn't know when it will be yet. Loves me, had some of his hand knit socks stolen, some wore out.
The new work sweater had it's first trip through the washing machine and dryer. I did turn it wrong side out and I did remove it from the dryer before it was completely dry. I love the sweater, think I need several more that weight and do have the purple 1 started, planning to use a pattern by Alice Starmore for that 1 but we all know I will adjust it to fit me better or tweak it to suit me more.
Don't have much of a wish list, 1 month of everyone working in supply/warehouse being considerate, and doing their job and doing it right would be nice. Less pain in the right foot would really be appreciated as would more patience with myself.
Sister L is still hurting from her surgery, still having daily migrains, still looking for mr right, I am glad I don't have her life, am glad I am emotionally stronger, and manage my life different than she is doing her life. She may pass for many years younger than she actually is but I don't see it lasting if she continues drinking and being dis-satisfied with her life. I thought she and her husband had got it figured out, how to keep a marriage working, but after 24+ years of marriage, they are now divorced.
I will gladly keep my old house and damaged foot, it's a life I can work with and some things, some days are just gold, coffee delivered today, the patience some of the maint guys have when I have to move a lot of stuff with the fork truck before I can get to the racks and barrels of oil down.
The dog reeks when he passes gas, and he wants to cuddle, wants my attention when I am trying to read my e-mail, crowds me sleeping, takes up a lot of my bed, but he also loves me with few demands, just as I am, on my good days and on my bad ones too.
I do so love my life, love that feeling I get when I put on a sweater I knit, especially when it's 1 I designed too. 3 out of 5 of my hand knit sweaters are my own design/creation. Love wrapping up in the new blanket and watching tv with that dog. I do know I still have a lot of issues to work out, sort out, deal with.
I know I have a ways to go when I find myself crying over sad spots in Star Trek Voyager episodes. Or sad spots in movies. I don't cry over my life but I am far too easily moved to tears over fictional things. I am not going to try to 'get help' with any emotional issues or 'depression' as I know there is nothing in my life that would be 'fixed' by anti-depressants, I have a lot that needs dealt with, taken care of, and some is just time and you have to live through that 'time' stuff
D.H. has backed off and now now longer tries to get me to do something after I get off work Sundays and I think he has finally accepted that I am not dating him, I am not going to Springfield or Jacksonville with him and that I don't want drug into any of the plant issues he's involved in, having or whatever.
It's cold, and I am not enjoying some of that, but I will survive. So far it's not been too bad in supply but some of my co-workers have set the area heater on 100, I turned it down, turned off the small electric heaters and was comfortable all shift. I was also busy and got things done that needed done.
I was spending some out of plant time with a maint. guy when I started that royal blue work sweater, now the replacement is done and I'm considering some time with that same guy again.
He does understand that I am still getting life back on solid ground, that I don't have much time or much 'me' to put into a relationship but he's ok with that. He also has done some things that hit me as making it obvious that he is interested in me...and we will both get some flack/teasing/comments about it. And he knew he would be 'opening the door' to talk and speculation on what's going on between us...plenty of audience to that coffee delivery and the comments he made. Including his supervisor. It's ok, I can handle the waves.
Jake's back at home base, talked to him last night, that was great, he sounds good, happy, talking about his leave, doesn't know when it will be yet. Loves me, had some of his hand knit socks stolen, some wore out.
The new work sweater had it's first trip through the washing machine and dryer. I did turn it wrong side out and I did remove it from the dryer before it was completely dry. I love the sweater, think I need several more that weight and do have the purple 1 started, planning to use a pattern by Alice Starmore for that 1 but we all know I will adjust it to fit me better or tweak it to suit me more.
Don't have much of a wish list, 1 month of everyone working in supply/warehouse being considerate, and doing their job and doing it right would be nice. Less pain in the right foot would really be appreciated as would more patience with myself.
Sister L is still hurting from her surgery, still having daily migrains, still looking for mr right, I am glad I don't have her life, am glad I am emotionally stronger, and manage my life different than she is doing her life. She may pass for many years younger than she actually is but I don't see it lasting if she continues drinking and being dis-satisfied with her life. I thought she and her husband had got it figured out, how to keep a marriage working, but after 24+ years of marriage, they are now divorced.
I will gladly keep my old house and damaged foot, it's a life I can work with and some things, some days are just gold, coffee delivered today, the patience some of the maint guys have when I have to move a lot of stuff with the fork truck before I can get to the racks and barrels of oil down.
The dog reeks when he passes gas, and he wants to cuddle, wants my attention when I am trying to read my e-mail, crowds me sleeping, takes up a lot of my bed, but he also loves me with few demands, just as I am, on my good days and on my bad ones too.
I do so love my life, love that feeling I get when I put on a sweater I knit, especially when it's 1 I designed too. 3 out of 5 of my hand knit sweaters are my own design/creation. Love wrapping up in the new blanket and watching tv with that dog. I do know I still have a lot of issues to work out, sort out, deal with.
I know I have a ways to go when I find myself crying over sad spots in Star Trek Voyager episodes. Or sad spots in movies. I don't cry over my life but I am far too easily moved to tears over fictional things. I am not going to try to 'get help' with any emotional issues or 'depression' as I know there is nothing in my life that would be 'fixed' by anti-depressants, I have a lot that needs dealt with, taken care of, and some is just time and you have to live through that 'time' stuff
Monday, December 13, 2010
Winter is here
And we have gotten real cold, at least for this area. I lived through much colder out west, but I was younger then and didn't have a metal plate and 5 screws in 1 leg. I am not whining but life here is not all cake and ice cream. I try to not moan or whine where many people can read it or where my venting can get waves going that I don't want to deal with.
Some of my co-workers suck when it comes to doing their work duties, I do not expect it to get a lot better with the new dept head and I doubt if having our very own warehouse supervisor on 2nd shift will make huge changes, nor will security cameras in the warehouse but the gate might be kept shut like it should be more often.
And looking back, I have to wonder just how stupid and desperate that guy from the past thought I was??? Ok, so I had some fun out west, at a time I really wanted an escape from being here, from dealing with the accident and I wanted something to believe in, someone who gave me a bit of 'happy ever after' even when I could see that he could not bring it about.
So, a year later, I walk with a real obvious limp some days, and hurt a lot, and live with that hurt. and I just don't want some man feeding me any lines/lies/crap again. I don't want to hear much about their problems, I won't fix things for anyone, and I don't want to share my house, my bed or my paycheck with anyone except the dog and birds, and the birds do not get to share that bed.
I also think Suzi has her doll outfits way overpriced and that green sweater she has up for sale has a serious cable screw up on it, it's not acceptable workmanship for the price she is asking. I know she is very talented and creative, but she's not designing much original stuff, purchased patterns for both the sewing and knitting and not a huge amount of tweaking with them...
but I am also not creating much, for sale or for myself...
Taking some time off knitting or slowing down some on it, wrists and lower arms are getting painful at times, and I know I have pushed hard with my sweater. It will get done, I will be wearing it soon but it's not a life and death thing..the world does not end if I don't get it done Now..but I would like to be wearing it to work Saturday or Sunday..and impress that guy in the boiler room I flirt with.
We have been involved before, and we might again do some of that adult stuff, and for now, we are comfortable with things as they are..it's too cold to play or run back and forth between where he lives and where I live and our different work schedules...
and I need to head for bed, get that spoilt dog out for a last potty break and then tuck in the warm and clean bed that is waiting for us...
Some of my co-workers suck when it comes to doing their work duties, I do not expect it to get a lot better with the new dept head and I doubt if having our very own warehouse supervisor on 2nd shift will make huge changes, nor will security cameras in the warehouse but the gate might be kept shut like it should be more often.
And looking back, I have to wonder just how stupid and desperate that guy from the past thought I was??? Ok, so I had some fun out west, at a time I really wanted an escape from being here, from dealing with the accident and I wanted something to believe in, someone who gave me a bit of 'happy ever after' even when I could see that he could not bring it about.
So, a year later, I walk with a real obvious limp some days, and hurt a lot, and live with that hurt. and I just don't want some man feeding me any lines/lies/crap again. I don't want to hear much about their problems, I won't fix things for anyone, and I don't want to share my house, my bed or my paycheck with anyone except the dog and birds, and the birds do not get to share that bed.
I also think Suzi has her doll outfits way overpriced and that green sweater she has up for sale has a serious cable screw up on it, it's not acceptable workmanship for the price she is asking. I know she is very talented and creative, but she's not designing much original stuff, purchased patterns for both the sewing and knitting and not a huge amount of tweaking with them...
but I am also not creating much, for sale or for myself...
Taking some time off knitting or slowing down some on it, wrists and lower arms are getting painful at times, and I know I have pushed hard with my sweater. It will get done, I will be wearing it soon but it's not a life and death thing..the world does not end if I don't get it done Now..but I would like to be wearing it to work Saturday or Sunday..and impress that guy in the boiler room I flirt with.
We have been involved before, and we might again do some of that adult stuff, and for now, we are comfortable with things as they are..it's too cold to play or run back and forth between where he lives and where I live and our different work schedules...
and I need to head for bed, get that spoilt dog out for a last potty break and then tuck in the warm and clean bed that is waiting for us...
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Hot baths and wild dogs
It's really great to come home from work to a long hot bath and a wild dog to keep me company. It doesn't matter to the dog if the dishes are done or not, or if the clean laundry is put away, he loves me and is very glad to have me home and is content with dog food in his bowl for something to eat.
Not dating is working so well right now for me, no stress, no one trying to push me to go out, or be entertaining.
I don't need a man to think for me, or help me spend my money. I don't need 1 to take care of me, in fact, most of the men I have dated since Miguel left have needed taken care of more than they have been able to take care of me. And they have cost me money. So, being single works so very much better than being involved with Mike and his financial mess, or Darrell and all the issues in his life.
Kid might drive me crazy with his needs for attention but that big footed, long legged, spoiled and indulged dog is far better company and less demanding financially than the men I have been involved with lately--like the past 4+ years.
Not dating is working so well right now for me, no stress, no one trying to push me to go out, or be entertaining.
I don't need a man to think for me, or help me spend my money. I don't need 1 to take care of me, in fact, most of the men I have dated since Miguel left have needed taken care of more than they have been able to take care of me. And they have cost me money. So, being single works so very much better than being involved with Mike and his financial mess, or Darrell and all the issues in his life.
Kid might drive me crazy with his needs for attention but that big footed, long legged, spoiled and indulged dog is far better company and less demanding financially than the men I have been involved with lately--like the past 4+ years.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Attitudes..it's all about attitudes
Attitude is such a personal thing, you can have a good one, you can have a bad one, you can have a good attitude about some things and bad about other things, and it's so individual, how we see that 'attitude' another person has.
I like feeling good about going to work, I like being busy, I like being up-beat and happy. It's my choice, and it's an 'inside me' thing that I don't have to, won't let others poke pins in. I am quite willing to let them have their 'don't care' attitudes, their 'hate work, hate the boss' attitude.
People have been, since cave man days, going through life feeling they always get the bad deal, feeling someone 'shit' on them, feeling they were cheated. It's their personal choice of attitude and it's not contagious so I don't have to catch it.
I am not responsible for other people's attitude, if they say or suggest I am, they are coping out and are not willing to take responsibility for their own attitude and their own choices of how they choose to respond to situations or other people.
I also like knowing I have money going into payroll savings every week, that my debt load is dropping every week, I like knowing I am getting my life, my finances back into some order that I am comfortable with.
And I like knowing I make the choices for how I spend my earnings, it gives me a cheerful attitude to know I have bills paid on time or early, that I can pay extra on credit debt, that I can get the co-pays on medical bills paid off.
Physically I might never bounce with joy again, but I like having that feeling back inside me, it took a long and hard battle to get some of that 'happy' stuff back. But it's back, even when I am hurting a lot at work, I still have a lot of that 'happy' just glowing out.
And it feeds my energy levels, I like that, so even when I hurt a lot, I can push me harder to do what needs done. If my co-worker, on the 2 nights we do work together, chooses to spend most of his work shift sitting on his butt with his big feet propped up on a desk, that is his choice.
But I will no longer be the dept. scapegoat for the others to dump on, I am not the only 1 working on Tuesday and Wed. and I am not going to be in the office about what I did or did not get done on those nights or if I left a few minutes early.
No, it's not all my job, they are not paying me more per hour to do more work than that lazy, sour, bad attitude I work with on those days. And 3rd shift can help pull his load, especially the brown hatted union steward who protects that man's back, who favors him, and who has managed to help him keep or get back his job over and over.
He is on his last chance, and I know he and good old pal union steward want to get him moved to the job bid he won before he gets another write up or causes any problems. 1 more 'anything' and he will be permanently out of the plant. He's managed to get his 'rope' that short and me, I would be quite happy if that rope frayed through and dropped him.
I know the added hours and work load would be very hard on me, but the freedom from stress would be well worth some of the pain and being beat tired.
I like feeling good about going to work, I like being busy, I like being up-beat and happy. It's my choice, and it's an 'inside me' thing that I don't have to, won't let others poke pins in. I am quite willing to let them have their 'don't care' attitudes, their 'hate work, hate the boss' attitude.
People have been, since cave man days, going through life feeling they always get the bad deal, feeling someone 'shit' on them, feeling they were cheated. It's their personal choice of attitude and it's not contagious so I don't have to catch it.
I am not responsible for other people's attitude, if they say or suggest I am, they are coping out and are not willing to take responsibility for their own attitude and their own choices of how they choose to respond to situations or other people.
I also like knowing I have money going into payroll savings every week, that my debt load is dropping every week, I like knowing I am getting my life, my finances back into some order that I am comfortable with.
And I like knowing I make the choices for how I spend my earnings, it gives me a cheerful attitude to know I have bills paid on time or early, that I can pay extra on credit debt, that I can get the co-pays on medical bills paid off.
Physically I might never bounce with joy again, but I like having that feeling back inside me, it took a long and hard battle to get some of that 'happy' stuff back. But it's back, even when I am hurting a lot at work, I still have a lot of that 'happy' just glowing out.
And it feeds my energy levels, I like that, so even when I hurt a lot, I can push me harder to do what needs done. If my co-worker, on the 2 nights we do work together, chooses to spend most of his work shift sitting on his butt with his big feet propped up on a desk, that is his choice.
But I will no longer be the dept. scapegoat for the others to dump on, I am not the only 1 working on Tuesday and Wed. and I am not going to be in the office about what I did or did not get done on those nights or if I left a few minutes early.
No, it's not all my job, they are not paying me more per hour to do more work than that lazy, sour, bad attitude I work with on those days. And 3rd shift can help pull his load, especially the brown hatted union steward who protects that man's back, who favors him, and who has managed to help him keep or get back his job over and over.
He is on his last chance, and I know he and good old pal union steward want to get him moved to the job bid he won before he gets another write up or causes any problems. 1 more 'anything' and he will be permanently out of the plant. He's managed to get his 'rope' that short and me, I would be quite happy if that rope frayed through and dropped him.
I know the added hours and work load would be very hard on me, but the freedom from stress would be well worth some of the pain and being beat tired.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Changes
The season is changing, the trees are loosing their leaves and despite the 75 degrees today I know fall is here. Another summer has come and gone here in IL, but I didn't make much progress with the garden or the flower beds or with the old house renovations.
I did make a lot of progress with healing from the January car accident. And now I will work on dealing with the changes that has made in me, in my abilities and in who I have become.
I'm really glad to be home now, it was a long and busy work day for me, all the work shifts are long and pain filled hours now, and I miss the ability to put in an 8 hour shift and go skipping out of the plant with plenty of energy to work in the garden or go some place.
But I have made over 3 weeks back in the plant, and each week I gain a bit more strength and things get just a tiny bit easier. It will be a long and slow improvement but I am doing my share of the work load.
I'm hoping State Farm will get this settled fast once I have my final doctor appointment. I have moved it up to mid-November. I would like to know all the medical bills are paid, that I no longer have those co-pays to worry about fitting into my budget and can instead work on the co-pays on my doctor/medical bills from the appendix project and on paying down that huge amount of credit debt I have now (again).
Think about M.F. and wonder how he is doing but won't reply to either of the 2 e-mails he sent me, just filed them away. I don't know why he lied about that huge mortgage he was on, and think there is a big chance he is also on that credit debt he said she had. I know financially I cannot and will not deal with that debt load.
I will deal with my debt load and my old house with the leaking roof. I will deal with my foot and leg and my problems. And I will hope he has a good life and that he is doing well but I know not checking and not communicating is what is in my best interest.
And I am not going to get involved 'romantically' or sexually with D. H. again, but will be glad we have a friendship of sorts. It's not a close and tight friendship and I don't want that at this time with anyone. I don't have much to give to a relationship right now and I might never have much to give.
That doesn't bother or worry me, it's where I am 'at' in my life at this time and place. I need my life for me right now and I need to not worry about others and about their problems.
I'm really hurting a lot tonight so will do the futon and tv and my knitting and Kid for company and be very glad I don't work day shift tomorrow.
I need to make a list of what needs paid and have a budget plan for the coming paycheck, that is something I need to start working on so I have bills paid on time once again and so that I can know what needs paid and when once again.
I did make a lot of progress with healing from the January car accident. And now I will work on dealing with the changes that has made in me, in my abilities and in who I have become.
I'm really glad to be home now, it was a long and busy work day for me, all the work shifts are long and pain filled hours now, and I miss the ability to put in an 8 hour shift and go skipping out of the plant with plenty of energy to work in the garden or go some place.
But I have made over 3 weeks back in the plant, and each week I gain a bit more strength and things get just a tiny bit easier. It will be a long and slow improvement but I am doing my share of the work load.
I'm hoping State Farm will get this settled fast once I have my final doctor appointment. I have moved it up to mid-November. I would like to know all the medical bills are paid, that I no longer have those co-pays to worry about fitting into my budget and can instead work on the co-pays on my doctor/medical bills from the appendix project and on paying down that huge amount of credit debt I have now (again).
Think about M.F. and wonder how he is doing but won't reply to either of the 2 e-mails he sent me, just filed them away. I don't know why he lied about that huge mortgage he was on, and think there is a big chance he is also on that credit debt he said she had. I know financially I cannot and will not deal with that debt load.
I will deal with my debt load and my old house with the leaking roof. I will deal with my foot and leg and my problems. And I will hope he has a good life and that he is doing well but I know not checking and not communicating is what is in my best interest.
And I am not going to get involved 'romantically' or sexually with D. H. again, but will be glad we have a friendship of sorts. It's not a close and tight friendship and I don't want that at this time with anyone. I don't have much to give to a relationship right now and I might never have much to give.
That doesn't bother or worry me, it's where I am 'at' in my life at this time and place. I need my life for me right now and I need to not worry about others and about their problems.
I'm really hurting a lot tonight so will do the futon and tv and my knitting and Kid for company and be very glad I don't work day shift tomorrow.
I need to make a list of what needs paid and have a budget plan for the coming paycheck, that is something I need to start working on so I have bills paid on time once again and so that I can know what needs paid and when once again.
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