Saturday, October 29, 2011
That old house
It's been a long haul but I am finally seeing all that space below my roof rafters and the ceiling joices becoming living space. I still have a lot more work and am going to be out of money as soon as the west half of the roof is done. But I have my dormer and spiral stairs and I will eventually have a bathroom up there too.
I will be taking my original contractor to small claims court over his defaulting on the contract and not refunding the deposit. It stinks but things happen. I did all I could to make this be a good job. C.L. Campbell construction chose to be dishonest, chose to leave my house open to elements.
But Pat Herzog is now working on the house, he has the dormer done, the east side of the roof is done and Monday they start on the west side.
Winter is coming and I have a good start on insulating the new space. And I will work on it tomorrow and Ben might help me some. It would be great if I could afford to have the entire attic sheet rocked including the bathroom that is not even framed in yet. But at least the space is now workable, it might take me a couple years to finish the new upstairs area but I am seeing slow progress.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
rainand bank policy
It keeps raining, the roof keeps leaking, I can't work on the yard work needing done, I did get the settlement done and the bank 'froze' the check, so the deposit on the air cond work was overdrafted.
I did call, and yes, the check is good, the funds are there but it's their policy to hold it for 2 days before crediting it to my account. I should have cashed the check and then put the damn cash into my checking account.
It sure fouls up my getting things done, and sure does not help my credit..I know I have not been keeping my checking account in good balance since this accident and I do know how much of that is my fault, but the insurance check was drawn on a chase account and so they Knew it was good. A lot of banks credit the funds that day to your account...and I can and might change banks..
But I will get my financial house in solid order, keep a checkbook in good order again and get my head out of my ass when it comes to money management. I am getting my life back into working order, now I need to get my finances in working order and keep them that way.
It does keep me from spending much money today, and I am in a snit with the weather, the bank, the house, so it is a good day for me to be stupid about finances. . .
I do have chili cooking, didn't have any onion to put in as I planned to cook at Larry's and he had an early dr. appointment in Quincy so wasn't home and had the place locked. Not a problem for me really but it would have been nice to have an onion to add to the pot.
Work is going ok, and I have been getting price quotes on spiral stair cases for the house as it looks like I can afford to get that now. I also priced a deck and am going to get a bid/price quote on the heating and cooling for the attic, there might be a way to afford that too, or part of it.
And it looks like the cloud cover is breaking up some, I am so tired of rain, the roof leaking, not being able to ride my little bike, not being able to work in the garden any amount.
I will get through this, I will get control of my finances and my moods and will be not out playing all weekend for the next weekend or 2 and get more done.
I did call, and yes, the check is good, the funds are there but it's their policy to hold it for 2 days before crediting it to my account. I should have cashed the check and then put the damn cash into my checking account.
It sure fouls up my getting things done, and sure does not help my credit..I know I have not been keeping my checking account in good balance since this accident and I do know how much of that is my fault, but the insurance check was drawn on a chase account and so they Knew it was good. A lot of banks credit the funds that day to your account...and I can and might change banks..
But I will get my financial house in solid order, keep a checkbook in good order again and get my head out of my ass when it comes to money management. I am getting my life back into working order, now I need to get my finances in working order and keep them that way.
It does keep me from spending much money today, and I am in a snit with the weather, the bank, the house, so it is a good day for me to be stupid about finances. . .
I do have chili cooking, didn't have any onion to put in as I planned to cook at Larry's and he had an early dr. appointment in Quincy so wasn't home and had the place locked. Not a problem for me really but it would have been nice to have an onion to add to the pot.
Work is going ok, and I have been getting price quotes on spiral stair cases for the house as it looks like I can afford to get that now. I also priced a deck and am going to get a bid/price quote on the heating and cooling for the attic, there might be a way to afford that too, or part of it.
And it looks like the cloud cover is breaking up some, I am so tired of rain, the roof leaking, not being able to ride my little bike, not being able to work in the garden any amount.
I will get through this, I will get control of my finances and my moods and will be not out playing all weekend for the next weekend or 2 and get more done.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Just thinking
It's a rainy day here, the truck is down at the shop for oil change and the air cond. work, it looks like it is done, the little bike is wet, poor Honda Passport needs a shelter but I am not sure when I will get something built for it.]
I would like to hear from State farm and get this settlement done, and I would like more contractors come/make appointments to look at the work here. I will call Monday if I have not heard anything. It needs done.]
And once again A.M. got walked out, the other 2nd shift supply clerk who really should have been terminated long ago. When he threw the pallet at my back, when he was seen by management, on his cell phone, over and over, during working hours, in supply.]
And a long list of things, but I would not bet any $$ on his actually loosing his job. I don]'t know who he has pull with or if he just intimidates people.]
The frock room job is a challenge and I don't yet love my job the way I loved my supply job but it is physically easier on me, not as hard and more money and benefits so that is all positive.
My life is going ok now, it has taken me a long time to get as stable as I am now and the finances are still very tight and rocky but I am working on improving that.]
And on some of the other small things, making peace with my poor choices in the past, controlling my finances better, my moods better.]
My huge credit debt has me living in near poverty and I know it is my doing, I made the choices that grew that debt, can't blame some man as it was not their credit or debit card that was used. . gifts, helping out, being nice, all that stuff I have done in the past and am working on NOT doing now, the guys I have been involved with and my sons, or more accurately, my #2 son.
Years ago it was the men I was involved with and my daughter and her children but I moved away, we fought and she told me to get out of her life and stay out. And for a change I did that, it was not the first time she had pushed me out but it was the time I finally held my ground and stayed out and quit letting her milk me or letting her sucker me out of money.]
Well, I have things here I need to get done and sitting here does not get a thing done so it's time to shut this down and get busy.
I would like to hear from State farm and get this settlement done, and I would like more contractors come/make appointments to look at the work here. I will call Monday if I have not heard anything. It needs done.]
And once again A.M. got walked out, the other 2nd shift supply clerk who really should have been terminated long ago. When he threw the pallet at my back, when he was seen by management, on his cell phone, over and over, during working hours, in supply.]
And a long list of things, but I would not bet any $$ on his actually loosing his job. I don]'t know who he has pull with or if he just intimidates people.]
The frock room job is a challenge and I don't yet love my job the way I loved my supply job but it is physically easier on me, not as hard and more money and benefits so that is all positive.
My life is going ok now, it has taken me a long time to get as stable as I am now and the finances are still very tight and rocky but I am working on improving that.]
And on some of the other small things, making peace with my poor choices in the past, controlling my finances better, my moods better.]
My huge credit debt has me living in near poverty and I know it is my doing, I made the choices that grew that debt, can't blame some man as it was not their credit or debit card that was used. . gifts, helping out, being nice, all that stuff I have done in the past and am working on NOT doing now, the guys I have been involved with and my sons, or more accurately, my #2 son.
Years ago it was the men I was involved with and my daughter and her children but I moved away, we fought and she told me to get out of her life and stay out. And for a change I did that, it was not the first time she had pushed me out but it was the time I finally held my ground and stayed out and quit letting her milk me or letting her sucker me out of money.]
Well, I have things here I need to get done and sitting here does not get a thing done so it's time to shut this down and get busy.
Friday, May 6, 2011
a letter to - - - -
Dear sister, dear guy boy who wrote me poems,
I am sitting here, beat tired and foot/ankle really hurting,knowing I will be going back to work in a few hours and put in another hard day.
I don't make the money you have in the past, I don't have an exciting life, go neat places that you have been.
but I have an honest life, no drugs,no booze, no deceptions or using people. While you sit serving time, or learning to live on a disability check, I will keep working my small job, living in my old house with the roof that leaks, paying down my debt load.
I also will enjoy fresh air in a small town, friends who value me,not use me. I will watch my flowers grow, take care of my garden and eat and share the bounty it will provide.
Sister, you really screwed up, now you do the time behind bars, and I will know you have a dry roof over your head, heat when it's cold and meals.
Mike, you face each day, knowing that your lies and deceptions cost you the woman of your dreams and she was far more than you ever imagined she would become.
Me, I am going to find the strength to make it through the next 5 days of work, and know I will be going to a better job with the job bid I won. Better benefits and better pay, better able to pay down my debt load faster and have a better standard of living.
Both of you matter to me, and both of you have really let me down. I sure don't envy either of you now, I have in the past but you sure fixed that one for me. Now I admit I want you, both of you to look at me, at my life, at my strength and courage and determination and be filled with regret and envy for the choices you made that put you in the positions you are in.
It may be a while before my roof is replaced, but I will get it done, and cope in the meantime. I hurt some times, bad enough to want a corner to curl up in and cry, but I won't give in and feel sorry for myself or make excuses or blame anyone.
I do hold Youngs accountable for the accident, the man that is dead, and the wife he had a bitter fight with before leaving for work that night he hit my truck head on and killed himself. But I don't blame or whine about how unfair it is.
Look at where you are at, and accept that you put yourself there, not bad luck, not genetics, not someone else, you and you alone.
Choices you made, things you did or chose to not do, ya, it's time to reap the crop that you sowed and the reaping can be bitter. I know that well and that life has it's ways of balancing things out. So, I do think about it, and want to keep that scale balanced in my favor, I work hard at being a good person, at making good choices, at treating others right, at being honest.
So, while you do your time, sister dear, you earned that time behind bars, and Mike,while you live a low budget, pain filled life, you earned that one too. It was your body to take care of, and your financial 'house' to take care of, your future and old age to plan for..now, reap what you spend years sowing and think about that girl you dreamed about and the amazing,smart, strong, capable woman she grew into..
And I will continue to work hard to have a good life, to be honest, to take care of the body I live in, and the old house I own.
I will put in the hours at work, even when it hurts enough to make me want to cry and I will find joy in my freedom and my quiet life in my old river town, a long way from the cages you both have put yourself into...
I am sitting here, beat tired and foot/ankle really hurting,knowing I will be going back to work in a few hours and put in another hard day.
I don't make the money you have in the past, I don't have an exciting life, go neat places that you have been.
but I have an honest life, no drugs,no booze, no deceptions or using people. While you sit serving time, or learning to live on a disability check, I will keep working my small job, living in my old house with the roof that leaks, paying down my debt load.
I also will enjoy fresh air in a small town, friends who value me,not use me. I will watch my flowers grow, take care of my garden and eat and share the bounty it will provide.
Sister, you really screwed up, now you do the time behind bars, and I will know you have a dry roof over your head, heat when it's cold and meals.
Mike, you face each day, knowing that your lies and deceptions cost you the woman of your dreams and she was far more than you ever imagined she would become.
Me, I am going to find the strength to make it through the next 5 days of work, and know I will be going to a better job with the job bid I won. Better benefits and better pay, better able to pay down my debt load faster and have a better standard of living.
Both of you matter to me, and both of you have really let me down. I sure don't envy either of you now, I have in the past but you sure fixed that one for me. Now I admit I want you, both of you to look at me, at my life, at my strength and courage and determination and be filled with regret and envy for the choices you made that put you in the positions you are in.
It may be a while before my roof is replaced, but I will get it done, and cope in the meantime. I hurt some times, bad enough to want a corner to curl up in and cry, but I won't give in and feel sorry for myself or make excuses or blame anyone.
I do hold Youngs accountable for the accident, the man that is dead, and the wife he had a bitter fight with before leaving for work that night he hit my truck head on and killed himself. But I don't blame or whine about how unfair it is.
Look at where you are at, and accept that you put yourself there, not bad luck, not genetics, not someone else, you and you alone.
Choices you made, things you did or chose to not do, ya, it's time to reap the crop that you sowed and the reaping can be bitter. I know that well and that life has it's ways of balancing things out. So, I do think about it, and want to keep that scale balanced in my favor, I work hard at being a good person, at making good choices, at treating others right, at being honest.
So, while you do your time, sister dear, you earned that time behind bars, and Mike,while you live a low budget, pain filled life, you earned that one too. It was your body to take care of, and your financial 'house' to take care of, your future and old age to plan for..now, reap what you spend years sowing and think about that girl you dreamed about and the amazing,smart, strong, capable woman she grew into..
And I will continue to work hard to have a good life, to be honest, to take care of the body I live in, and the old house I own.
I will put in the hours at work, even when it hurts enough to make me want to cry and I will find joy in my freedom and my quiet life in my old river town, a long way from the cages you both have put yourself into...
Thursday, May 5, 2011
All the things that go wrong
I knew it was going to rain but did not move the bed, so now my bedding is in the dryer,, the mattress is propped up so it will dry faster and the dehumidifier is running and I am beat tired, hurt, grumpy and mentally kicking myself about being stupid again.
But 1 of my sisters is even more stupid, her son/my nephew called last night while I was at work, I called him this am early and learned his mother, my sister #2 is now serving time, along with her daughter and son in law for dealing Drugs!!!
I have made so many stupid mistakes, the men I have been involved with, the way I have wasted money but I have been smart enough to stay away from drugs and from drinking.
I hope to make smart choices with what I do with any funds I get from the settlement from the auto accident. I do a lot of thinking about it, what is top of the list, what vehicles are on a list for possible IF I can afford to do that, what needs done on this old house. The roof is first, and the knee walls and cross ties up there so the attic can become the studio I want.
the property surveyed and fenced is on that 'want' list, along with new walks,new front porch support/floor, a back deck, debt paid off is high on the list, after the roof.
I hope the job change works out well for me, temp is a gamble but it could work into permanent, the pay is more and the benefits are better. I hope I have less stress and less pain, but no job is perfect and the new job will be busy and have me on my feet as much or more but in a safer area and not as hard of work, not as much problems or problem people.
I'm thinking a tub of hot water and soak while I wait on bedding to dry, I have more sets of sheets but I need/want that blasted mattress pad and I want the mattress to have some time to start drying out too.
These spring storms have taken out entire towns, killed a lot of people, flooded farms, towns, you name it, so I am fortunate that my only problem is the very old roof on this very old house. I am coping with that most of the time, today I just messed up, didn't think about it, did not expect much rain...stupid of me but I am fixing the problem.
But 1 of my sisters is even more stupid, her son/my nephew called last night while I was at work, I called him this am early and learned his mother, my sister #2 is now serving time, along with her daughter and son in law for dealing Drugs!!!
I have made so many stupid mistakes, the men I have been involved with, the way I have wasted money but I have been smart enough to stay away from drugs and from drinking.
I hope to make smart choices with what I do with any funds I get from the settlement from the auto accident. I do a lot of thinking about it, what is top of the list, what vehicles are on a list for possible IF I can afford to do that, what needs done on this old house. The roof is first, and the knee walls and cross ties up there so the attic can become the studio I want.
the property surveyed and fenced is on that 'want' list, along with new walks,new front porch support/floor, a back deck, debt paid off is high on the list, after the roof.
I hope the job change works out well for me, temp is a gamble but it could work into permanent, the pay is more and the benefits are better. I hope I have less stress and less pain, but no job is perfect and the new job will be busy and have me on my feet as much or more but in a safer area and not as hard of work, not as much problems or problem people.
I'm thinking a tub of hot water and soak while I wait on bedding to dry, I have more sets of sheets but I need/want that blasted mattress pad and I want the mattress to have some time to start drying out too.
These spring storms have taken out entire towns, killed a lot of people, flooded farms, towns, you name it, so I am fortunate that my only problem is the very old roof on this very old house. I am coping with that most of the time, today I just messed up, didn't think about it, did not expect much rain...stupid of me but I am fixing the problem.
Friday, April 15, 2011
bills and getting finances in order
I know i am making progress with finances here but it gets hard to believe I will ever get out of the hole I have now. It's my doing, can't blame anyone, want to blame the lies and deception of M.F. but know I had debt before that and know I did not wisely use my lost wages when I was off work and recovering from that damn accident.
So, now I pull from savings to make ends meet, cut back on alot of things, including groceries and know I will get through this, and I know I will get finances into better shape, know in time I will have some of these medical bills off my back, I have paid the co-pay in full on quite a few of them.
I get depressed and angry about some of what has happened in the past 16+ months but know none of that 2010 can be changed, it was a really lousy year, thought I had life into such good shape, was seeing so much progress with finances and the house and my personal life and self esteem. The accident and the deception/lies of M.F. really put a huge dent into both my finances and my self-esteem.
but I am gaining every week, it's not fast progress, it's not easy and when I get depressed I do have more problems with using credit to get things I don't need and sure am better off not buying on credit or not buying at all.
A month can make such a difference here for me and I know that. This financial stress will improve, and the garden is starting to come up, see beans and corn coming through the ground and now want someone to stand rabbit patrol.
I'm staying home tonight, usually sleep at Larry's on my days off, on my day shift days but have chili here and bread sticks rising. He called and is heading to bed, I will see him tomorrow, and i just am moody, feeling down about finances here and don't need to inflict him with it. I took a nap today so will be up later than he is, and might do that soak in the tub with a book or soak and cry--that might actually be very workable, Kid will be glad to have me home and sleep in the house with me.
I'm going to get this posted and check on my bread sticks.
So, now I pull from savings to make ends meet, cut back on alot of things, including groceries and know I will get through this, and I know I will get finances into better shape, know in time I will have some of these medical bills off my back, I have paid the co-pay in full on quite a few of them.
I get depressed and angry about some of what has happened in the past 16+ months but know none of that 2010 can be changed, it was a really lousy year, thought I had life into such good shape, was seeing so much progress with finances and the house and my personal life and self esteem. The accident and the deception/lies of M.F. really put a huge dent into both my finances and my self-esteem.
but I am gaining every week, it's not fast progress, it's not easy and when I get depressed I do have more problems with using credit to get things I don't need and sure am better off not buying on credit or not buying at all.
A month can make such a difference here for me and I know that. This financial stress will improve, and the garden is starting to come up, see beans and corn coming through the ground and now want someone to stand rabbit patrol.
I'm staying home tonight, usually sleep at Larry's on my days off, on my day shift days but have chili here and bread sticks rising. He called and is heading to bed, I will see him tomorrow, and i just am moody, feeling down about finances here and don't need to inflict him with it. I took a nap today so will be up later than he is, and might do that soak in the tub with a book or soak and cry--that might actually be very workable, Kid will be glad to have me home and sleep in the house with me.
I'm going to get this posted and check on my bread sticks.
Monday, April 11, 2011
well into April
and I have things that need to get done, for Jake, here at the house, outside, and time goes by so fast.
I actually did get an e-mail from M.F., not any sorry about the spam, or the lies, he's still claiming he never lied or deceived or used me. It's me with the problem..he's no longer working, health problems he labels as genetic but I think neglect and poor eating/health habits are more of the cause. It's water under a old bridge, a foolish error in judgement and misplaced trust on my part. And I am glad I managed to get my head in better order and could see that the financial issues were not what he was saying, and found that foreclosure notice on line with his name on it.
I know it's going to take a long time to get my finances, house and some parts of my life into solid shape but I am seeing progress, slower than I like but at least I am making progress every month.
I won't say that life here is perfect, my foot and ankle don't tolerate my job very well, but I am watching bids, did bid on 3 frock room jobs and my dept. head is also head of that dept. and I don't think she even considered me for any of the openings. It's not union so I can't do a blasted thing about the openings going to people with far less time in plant than I have.
The relationship with Larry is good, I worry about his up-coming surgery but he has no real choice and we both have confidence in his doctor. His son and daughter will be there for the surgery and until he's out of recovery and I am glad I won't be there alone and that he is important enough for them to be there with us.
Got a lot I need to get done today before work, know I will walk into a lot needing done, normal Monday for me.
I actually did get an e-mail from M.F., not any sorry about the spam, or the lies, he's still claiming he never lied or deceived or used me. It's me with the problem..he's no longer working, health problems he labels as genetic but I think neglect and poor eating/health habits are more of the cause. It's water under a old bridge, a foolish error in judgement and misplaced trust on my part. And I am glad I managed to get my head in better order and could see that the financial issues were not what he was saying, and found that foreclosure notice on line with his name on it.
I know it's going to take a long time to get my finances, house and some parts of my life into solid shape but I am seeing progress, slower than I like but at least I am making progress every month.
I won't say that life here is perfect, my foot and ankle don't tolerate my job very well, but I am watching bids, did bid on 3 frock room jobs and my dept. head is also head of that dept. and I don't think she even considered me for any of the openings. It's not union so I can't do a blasted thing about the openings going to people with far less time in plant than I have.
The relationship with Larry is good, I worry about his up-coming surgery but he has no real choice and we both have confidence in his doctor. His son and daughter will be there for the surgery and until he's out of recovery and I am glad I won't be there alone and that he is important enough for them to be there with us.
Got a lot I need to get done today before work, know I will walk into a lot needing done, normal Monday for me.
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