Rains and phone calls

It's gray and we've had light rains but not enough to wake me with water dripping on my head, I did move the bed out, just in case. Jake called around 4 am, long line waiting to call home so he couldn't talk long, he's ok, glad laptop got here and said the power cord was stolen so I now can safely order 1 and not find the original showing up in the mail.
Thnat man sent me an e-mail, he's reading the other blog, don't think he can easily find this one, I hope not, I want someplace I can write freely and express myself freely and so now have a 2nd blog. I just do better with a keyboard now than a pen and journal.
He says he took care of the capital gains taxes when the salvage yard was sold, he says he will take care of his income taxes, says he never set out to decieve me, and will deal with the mortgage and foreclosure. OK, ok, ya, ya.
But that does not change the facts, he and Annette went from financially stable to poverty and deep in debt, that he did not re-invest that money from the sold business that made his living into something that would make him a living again. And that a very overpriced and poorly designed house was built and that mortgage that he was clearly on, he very clearly lied to me about being on.
I can honestly say I miss the phone conversations with him, and putting him out of my life was not an easy choice but it was the long term smart choice, both financially and emotionally. He and I do not see or handle financal matters the same, our priorities are different, and what we want or see for the future are far different.
I cannot see a reason to try and continue any sort of 'friendship' with him. I don't have a lot of friends, by my own choice, and I do not need a lot of men friends, or I can say I have enough good solid ones that are here.
The trust and believe in him as someone I could build something with is gone, and I don't want him to decieve himself or anyone else into thinking we might have a future together. He did not 'blow' that, his financial management was something that was 'lurking' in the back and would have come to the surface sometime, it's better for me that it happened as quickly as it did.
So, the basic foundation materials were not there for me to be able to build a long term and committed relationship with that man. I am, at 54, not willing to take on someone with that much debt load, that long history of financial/life management and health management that is so far different from how I do such things.
I am not going to change who I am and I am not going to ever be 'ok' with such a huge difference in things that matter to me. I just am not willing to help support and provide for a man who has not taken care of himself and his financial matters for his own future and life. He has had more oppertunity to have built a solid base, more oppertunity to have some security for his later years but has not. He took vacations and did that cruise ship thing more than once but neglected to invest some money into his own health and dental care.
I have had some vacations, doll conventions but my financial stability was first and taking care of my body, keeping it healthy has always been something I have done. I have lived far more stable than he has, although he has earned more than me, has had the ability to earn more than me.
We make very different choices with a lot of things. I admit I have major security issues and trust issues, I will not trust anyone when it comes to finances, I want proof and I want paperwork, finances are business. I will not put my long term security and life in the hands of someone else, it's my responsibility to ensure my future, not theirs, and my job to take care of, make the decisions for that life and also decide it's direction.
I did put the e-mail in a file but I am not going to answer it. I need to walk away, and I have done that, I need to keep him out of my life and I will continue to do that. I do now know that we have no future together, I am not sure we could have ever made it work when we were young. There is no turning back time, the years have gone and I am moving foreward with my life in the directions it needs to go.