Jake called early this morning and pal Julie was here to spend most of the day. We had cornbread for our breakfast and while I prepped the chilies for the dryer Julie read the messages and comments that were sent to me and posted on my blog by the man I have/had been dating.
Wanted her opinion of what he was saying to see if she thought I was over reacting or any of the other things he brought up. She agreed that blocking his 'cyber stalking' was in my best interest and that all I have asked was that he get his financial house in stable order, back income taxes dealt with and both of us sign legal statements that protect our individual assets and property.
I want to believe that if our financial positions were reversed I would act far more considerate and deal with things in a business mannor instead of his telling me I have trust issues and I have never been loved before and just cannot accept someone loving and wanting to take care of me.
He needs a lot of dental work, he needs a doctor appointment so his maint. medications have new scripts so he can get those meds. He needs to be able to fill all those scripts instead of just part of them. He physically has a lot more problems pushing my small lawn mower than I do, and I am the person who was injured in a car accident and have had 2 surgeries in the past 7 months on my right foot and leg.
I don't see how he can take care of me when he isn't taking good care of himself, I cannot see how he can help fix my old house when he has his checking account in the red every month and still has not filed or paid his 2009 income taxes.
I think he has not been totally honest or accurate about financial issues, or maybe realistic... I'm not sure how to put it in words. The math doesn't work in my head, his ex wife's house with mortage against it was collateral for the loan to buy the salvage yard. That, I believe still had a mortgage/debt against it when it was sold, so debt had to be paid before there was any profit.
Profit put into a lot and building a house that was not totally finished, with a $275,000 mortgage against it, her original home sold to 1 of his daughter's and husband, at below market value, that mortgage had to be paid off... She took out the personal loan that bought his semi and trailer that he has clear title to. So, now where does his math come to him being the 1 who 'did it all'?
I walked his car hauler trailer when it was here, and I think it has signs of metal fatigue. And if I am right, he will continue to have repairs and down time, with no credit to help purchase a new one.
He has said 'in a month or two finaces would be stable' but he's said that for the past 8 months. That does not mean he cannot get his finances into a stable condition, his income taxes caught up and keep his trucking business in the black.
But I have reasons to have doubts and he's not doing much to show me his ability to get his business out of the red and keep it that way. And he sure has not done much to prove that he absolutely does not want any benefits from my coming insurance settlement.
I will agree that he does not want a new car, he expected me to just let him have my current pickup truck when I buy a new car with settlement money. He doesn't want a big fancy house, but he wants to be a part of either renovations here or the place out of town project but probably will not have funds to match what I invest in either places. But I am the 1 wrong to make it clear that without matching funds and sweat equity and legal paperwork there was no partnership and no 'we' or 'us' or 'our' stuff.
I'm not in a snit now, or mad or even upset, but I will not put him back on my facebook friends list, I took him off my yahoo messenger list and I started a new blog and will not post very much on the 1 he does know of. I hope he has a link to that 1 as it's no longer on my Facebook and he couldn't get to it there now anyway.
I don't think the problems are that I just really Love my single life, which I really do love my single and independent life. And I was very honest with him about that. I've dated, I've had guys I really cared about since my divorce from Miguel Ruiz and his return to Mexico but it's been 5 years this fall since he left and I started picking up the pieces of my heart and my life.
That man from the past has many good qualities and I do care for him but at 54 I am not willing to let some man turn my financial stability into a mess, nor am I going to trust him blindly.
So, I have stepped back from what we were building or what we might have been building. And I am comfortable with that decision, and I feel that I am not making the wrong choice. And he's quite able to make a life for himself without me, he has a great family, a trucking business that he says makes a lot of money and knows what a good person he is.
I will stay me, being me, with my funny little life and world and do all the things that make my life the great life I think I have. And I won't be sharing any insurance settlements out but invest it, and use it as I think is best...I am very good at thinking things through and making choices that work well for me.
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