Being angry at Jake's dad, again

We have been divorced almost 18 years now and he still can rattle my little world. You just do not all the way free when you have kids. This time Sam 'borrowed' money from Jake for flight back to the states from the Phillipines, his choice to move there, not Jake's. I know Sam loves Jake, but that does not stop him from using him, nor does it make Sam put Jake first, what Jake needs or wants. Sam's wife spends money like it is water and Jake ends up shafted over it. Not Jake's marriage, not his job to hand over his hard earned savings, but it is his money and his choice to make. It burns my that Sam would ask, again, and I am not mad at Jake, Dad has him by the heart strings. If you cannot afford the flight costs, you need to stay on one side of that Pacific ocean or the other. Sam and Cynthia made the choice to sell out the farm and move to her country, now they need to live with their choices, pay their own way and let Jakevwork on making his life work with no farm, horses or ranch future to look forward to. And once again Sam has me crying, stressed, depressed and what he does to MY son makes a mess of my head, again. His son too, and he is using him like his family did to Sam, he vowed our boy would never be used that way....and now is doing the same damn stuff to our boy as his family did to him. Not much I can do but love Jake and keep being Mom.

dealing with real life

It's June and I still don't have matters settled with the roofing contractor and small claims court.but we have a court date in late July and I hope I find some Justice and repayment of some of my funds.
The budget here it tight and will be even tighter as I work in the cost of paying for the carpenter who did finally put a roof on my house and possibly even the home inspector.
But I just could not let it go and do nothing, the contractor is not honest and I am not the first person he has ripped off, without my taking him to court there would be no legal record, no chance for others to not trust him with a huge deposit and then get shafted on the job he agreed to do.
Work also has it's pressures, I do like my co-workers but wish for more brains and more actual management from our lead person, and more understanding costs and how tight each department has to watch the man hour costs in the department.  They cannot create more opportunity for me to have overtime, there is only 1 person in our department getting consistent overtime and her late come in needs to be a rotation position if any of the rest of us are to have an opportunity for overtime, and so Barb will have to accept giving up some and accept that it is not her overtime but company time that all of us are entitled to a chance to earn some of it.
I will push for being able to work that late come in as a weekly rotation and accept that it will have some of my very small department in a snit with me.
It's not a bad life here, and I do like who I am, where I live and work but today  I could easily curl up somewhere and cry, nothing really wrong, so imagine it's tired and body out of balance, I need to remember to take my vitamins more often.
I am working to make better, more practical financial decisions, avoid wasting money when I know I need to pay all the extra I can on the debt load so it will go down faster and I am going to put the blue Honda Passport up for sale on the Yahoo bike group I am in.  Selling is is a wise choice, I don't need 2 bikes, I don't have a place to store it so it lives over at Larry's who does tinker with it,which might be part of the reason it's not running right. 
And Larry taking over working on my bikes, without me being there, or asking/wanting him to do that irritates me.  I don't know what has been done, I don't learn anything and he has 3 bikes of his own and none of them have the battery in yet this season.
But I am doing more 'social' stuff with people outside of the plant and not just Larry, Sharon and I have done the local play several times and I helped serve at the alumni banquet last weekend.  I might not be willing to join the work crew for meals together but I go to Cargill to earn a living, not for a social life, my meal break is my time and I do not want to join their little 'parties' now and then.  I do have the right to opt out and will continue to do so. 
There is a lot here I need to deal with, weeds outside, mess inside, projects to finish, 2 pair of socks started and also a market bag in process, and some of that 'head sorting'  But I am making better progress on some of that too, and it's ok if I have some moody blues now and then.

Huge splurge

I really have put a very tight budget into a much tighter jam with buying the newest iPad but I am already using it every day/night and am so much more comfortable with it than the Toshiba Thrive tablet I own. This year I am not putting in a vegetable garden but will work on the neglected landscaping and on quality time with Larry. Work is ok, hurt a lot today but part of that is due to ahard fall on concrete while walking over to Larry's place. Life is ok,finances are snug but I will manage to keep the bills paid and not starve to death. I love my life here, it has so much quality and value.

Ending 2011 and looking to 2012

Well, I can say it has been a better year than 2010 but it would not take much to beat 2010. I have been back at work for over a year now, did make a job change there in plant to hourly management with better pay and benefits and easier on my damaged leg/foot. I do now have a very tall and stiff brace/support boot that helps me with being on my feet for a full work shift. My finances are in a bit better shape and my house has a new metal roof, the dormer is built and I am enjoying my very basic spiral stair to that attic space that is very slowly taking shape to be my studio and retreat. A quiet and stable dating relationship with a man who is not living off me and who will not cause me to get phone calls from collection agencies looking for him to pay past due bills. Now, that is a good change from the past, I still get calls from collection agencies looking for Kenn Gean and Michael Ferrin. Our weather is way too mild for this time of year and I worry about what will come in the next few months for storms but do know my house should stay dry and hopefully warm unless the power goes out for very long. I'm doing something at our local library every Thursday morning now and will be offering free knitting lessons there at that time to anyone who wants to come. I have house plants again and some bulbs hiding in the fridge so I can try forcing them, they have about 2 more weeks of refrigeration and then into pots and in the storage area and dark but not cold for a week or so and then out in the light. My first attempt so I am hoping they like me and do ok. Still no handicapped parking permit but I did download and print out the needed form for that and am going to consider getting it filled out and signed by my doctor. I won't need or use it often but there are times I should have it and use it. Ben's doing ok, Jake is doing great, Bryon is still in CA and I hope doing ok. I still have no contact with Stormy and am comfortable with that. No anger or guilt or issues, just know that she has to live her life and with her choices and I have a right to live my life, to not be manipulated or emotionally battered by her choices and her emotional problems. They are not my doing, my choices or mine to fix, pay for and I cannot change them. I am looking at gaining progress on the old house project, doing more outside with my landscaping projects and getting more of my debt load paid down. I am stable and at peace with my life, with who I am and with where I am going in my life, at least most of the time.

That old house

It's been a long haul but I am finally seeing all that space below my roof rafters and the ceiling joices becoming living space. I still have a lot more work and am going to be out of money as soon as the west half of the roof is done. But I have my dormer and spiral stairs and I will eventually have a bathroom up there too. I will be taking my original contractor to small claims court over his defaulting on the contract and not refunding the deposit. It stinks but things happen. I did all I could to make this be a good job. C.L. Campbell construction chose to be dishonest, chose to leave my house open to elements. But Pat Herzog is now working on the house, he has the dormer done, the east side of the roof is done and Monday they start on the west side. Winter is coming and I have a good start on insulating the new space. And I will work on it tomorrow and Ben might help me some. It would be great if I could afford to have the entire attic sheet rocked including the bathroom that is not even framed in yet. But at least the space is now workable, it might take me a couple years to finish the new upstairs area but I am seeing slow progress.

rainand bank policy

It keeps raining, the roof keeps leaking, I can't work on the yard work needing done, I did get the settlement done and the bank 'froze' the check, so the deposit on the air cond work was overdrafted.

I did call, and yes, the check is good, the funds are there but it's their policy to hold it for 2 days before crediting it to my account. I should have cashed the check and then put the damn cash into my checking account.
It sure fouls up my getting things done, and sure does not help my credit..I know I have not been keeping my checking account in good balance since this accident and I do know how much of that is my fault, but the insurance check was drawn on a chase account and so they Knew it was good. A lot of banks credit the funds that day to your account...and I can and might change banks..

But I will get my financial house in solid order, keep a checkbook in good order again and get my head out of my ass when it comes to money management. I am getting my life back into working order, now I need to get my finances in working order and keep them that way.

It does keep me from spending much money today, and I am in a snit with the weather, the bank, the house, so it is a good day for me to be stupid about finances. . .

I do have chili cooking, didn't have any onion to put in as I planned to cook at Larry's and he had an early dr. appointment in Quincy so wasn't home and had the place locked. Not a problem for me really but it would have been nice to have an onion to add to the pot.

Work is going ok, and I have been getting price quotes on spiral stair cases for the house as it looks like I can afford to get that now. I also priced a deck and am going to get a bid/price quote on the heating and cooling for the attic, there might be a way to afford that too, or part of it.

And it looks like the cloud cover is breaking up some, I am so tired of rain, the roof leaking, not being able to ride my little bike, not being able to work in the garden any amount.

I will get through this, I will get control of my finances and my moods and will be not out playing all weekend for the next weekend or 2 and get more done.

Just thinking

It's a rainy day here, the truck is down at the shop for oil change and the air cond. work, it looks like it is done, the little bike is wet, poor Honda Passport needs a shelter but I am not sure when I will get something built for it.]
I would like to hear from State farm and get this settlement done, and I would like more contractors come/make appointments to look at the work here. I will call Monday if I have not heard anything. It needs done.]
And once again A.M. got walked out, the other 2nd shift supply clerk who really should have been terminated long ago. When he threw the pallet at my back, when he was seen by management, on his cell phone, over and over, during working hours, in supply.]
And a long list of things, but I would not bet any $$ on his actually loosing his job. I don]'t know who he has pull with or if he just intimidates people.]
The frock room job is a challenge and I don't yet love my job the way I loved my supply job but it is physically easier on me, not as hard and more money and benefits so that is all positive.
My life is going ok now, it has taken me a long time to get as stable as I am now and the finances are still very tight and rocky but I am working on improving that.]
And on some of the other small things, making peace with my poor choices in the past, controlling my finances better, my moods better.]
My huge credit debt has me living in near poverty and I know it is my doing, I made the choices that grew that debt, can't blame some man as it was not their credit or debit card that was used. . gifts, helping out, being nice, all that stuff I have done in the past and am working on NOT doing now, the guys I have been involved with and my sons, or more accurately, my #2 son.
Years ago it was the men I was involved with and my daughter and her children but I moved away, we fought and she told me to get out of her life and stay out. And for a change I did that, it was not the first time she had pushed me out but it was the time I finally held my ground and stayed out and quit letting her milk me or letting her sucker me out of money.]
Well, I have things here I need to get done and sitting here does not get a thing done so it's time to shut this down and get busy.