That seems to sum it up, I want to eat my pizza at Pizza Hut, not being it home to eat. But I don’t need to eat in the restaurant, but now that we cannot, I realize just how much that eating in that place, with that staff and who I was with was the really good part. Not complaining about the quality of the food, but it’s the other stuff that I am really missing.
I don’t know if we will ever get that old normal back after this pandemic ends, it will leave it’s mark on all of us, will make changes we don’t even see coming now. It’s worse than many realize or want to accept and it will continue to get worse for the next week or next month or maybe even the next year.
And I want the old normal back, and I want an e-reader. No, I do not need 1, no, there’s no book right now that I am desperate to read and need the e-reader for that. But I gave my Kindle away several years ago, and it was the right choice and to the right people. I do not want to give up my iBooks to have a kindle reader on my Apple products and I do not plan to use my darn smartphone for an e-reader. I want a bloody damn new e-reader and I am Not going to use credit to buy it and have it NOW.
But that stimulus $$ will soon show up in my bank and I can buy it then and put the rest of the stimulus on high interest credit debt. And I am going to buy more books in digital format and miss the real, with paper pages edition. But it’s storage and space and looking at what I want and where I do not want to be once I retire. And I already have a lot of books that I would end up packing in boxes, heavy boxes to move once again. More books than the latest move, a lot more heavy books to move. That’s why I want the e-reader and now. So that I can work on adjusting my old brain to adapting to digital books, and be a bit more practical about the future and what really needs to matter.
But right now, I just need to survive this pandemic and stay sane.
Friday, April 10, 2020
Monday, November 25, 2019
Happy Birthday Daughter
It was 45 years ago today that you were born, and a Monday, and we were home in time for Thanksgiving. And you were loved and wanted. I have always loved you and wanted the very best for you.
Your roads and decisions have not been the same as mine, we view so many things so very differently and have lived our lives so very different. I hope you are happy, that the coming years bring you peace and happiness and joy.
I don’t regret having you, or doing the best I could to be a good parent, I don’t mind the times I went without so you could have the very best I could provide and I have gotten through all the pain and hurt you have caused and moved foreword with my life.
You told me to get out of your life and stay out years ago and I did that, and I continue to do that. It’s been working well for me, and I haven’t found any reasons to try and build any bridges. You chose to burn them down and I am and have been, for years, quite willing to leave it that way.
But 45 years ago, you were the most important person in my life, and today, on your birthday I do wish you happiness.
Your roads and decisions have not been the same as mine, we view so many things so very differently and have lived our lives so very different. I hope you are happy, that the coming years bring you peace and happiness and joy.
I don’t regret having you, or doing the best I could to be a good parent, I don’t mind the times I went without so you could have the very best I could provide and I have gotten through all the pain and hurt you have caused and moved foreword with my life.
You told me to get out of your life and stay out years ago and I did that, and I continue to do that. It’s been working well for me, and I haven’t found any reasons to try and build any bridges. You chose to burn them down and I am and have been, for years, quite willing to leave it that way.
But 45 years ago, you were the most important person in my life, and today, on your birthday I do wish you happiness.
Sunday, October 6, 2019
Chasing dogs and depression
I do not like chasing dogs, or being drug around by a large dog when trying to walk him and I don't like being woke up several times a night by a whining dog, who does not really need out to pee but does want my company.
I do understand it's how his head works, it's his genetics and his raising and his breeding that is a huge part of my problems with the dog and with my growing depression here. I can't change most of the problems, I cannot fix most of the problems and it's getting harder to live with the problems.
The shelters are overrun with dogs they cannot find placements for, and underfunded for their current dogs, so don't tell me to find a shelter that will take him. And calls to local vets either go no response when I left messages or outright refusal to put this dog to sleep, he does not have enough health problems for them to consider it acceptable. They refuse to accept that his aggressive personality, his weight, and strength create a safety problem for me and for others IF/When he is not confined. And they refuse to consider that I might actually be trying to make the best choices for both this dog, who has never lived with anyone except me and my sons, and does not adapt or adjust easily and for me, who with some physical disabilities and aging issues, needs less problems and less trip hazards and less stress in her life.
This is not a situation that a simple pill will fix, the solution is doing something permanent and that is mentally acceptable to me with this dog. I can't just dump him out somewhere, I can't take a gun and shoot him, and I can't keep dealing with the dog.
That son that has to have dogs, that will not help teach a dog good social behaviors, that will not accept house rules for dogs is now far off in another state, which is some help, if only that he no longer comes through and encourages wild and behavior, crazy and unhappy dog problems and leaves behind the mess. But it also means I cannot dump his problem dog back into his life and his living space. It's a mess, the dog is a continual shedding, whining, unhappy dog that deeply wants to be velcro attached to a significant human and I just am not willing and cannot be that human.
My holidays away have not helped, first I was gone in August to Michigan for a fiber festival, several nights away with a friend doing pet care, and then again in September for a scooter rally, both had me 3-4 nights away and the friend coming by to care for the dog. He hates being alone, he hates not having a significant human close at hand, 24/7.
I have a full-time job and have to work to support that dog, myself, my bills and I am going to have a life and do some of the things that I enjoy, including trips that have me not home for several days at a time. And a dog whining off and on all night does not allow me to get my very needed sleep. He will not change and I am at the end of being able to cope, and I will not lose my stability and let issues with a dog whose problems I did not create cause me to be so damn miserable and depressed as I have been this past week.
It's time to buck up and face the fact that I cannot and will not continue to live with this dog.
I do understand it's how his head works, it's his genetics and his raising and his breeding that is a huge part of my problems with the dog and with my growing depression here. I can't change most of the problems, I cannot fix most of the problems and it's getting harder to live with the problems.
The shelters are overrun with dogs they cannot find placements for, and underfunded for their current dogs, so don't tell me to find a shelter that will take him. And calls to local vets either go no response when I left messages or outright refusal to put this dog to sleep, he does not have enough health problems for them to consider it acceptable. They refuse to accept that his aggressive personality, his weight, and strength create a safety problem for me and for others IF/When he is not confined. And they refuse to consider that I might actually be trying to make the best choices for both this dog, who has never lived with anyone except me and my sons, and does not adapt or adjust easily and for me, who with some physical disabilities and aging issues, needs less problems and less trip hazards and less stress in her life.
This is not a situation that a simple pill will fix, the solution is doing something permanent and that is mentally acceptable to me with this dog. I can't just dump him out somewhere, I can't take a gun and shoot him, and I can't keep dealing with the dog.
That son that has to have dogs, that will not help teach a dog good social behaviors, that will not accept house rules for dogs is now far off in another state, which is some help, if only that he no longer comes through and encourages wild and behavior, crazy and unhappy dog problems and leaves behind the mess. But it also means I cannot dump his problem dog back into his life and his living space. It's a mess, the dog is a continual shedding, whining, unhappy dog that deeply wants to be velcro attached to a significant human and I just am not willing and cannot be that human.
My holidays away have not helped, first I was gone in August to Michigan for a fiber festival, several nights away with a friend doing pet care, and then again in September for a scooter rally, both had me 3-4 nights away and the friend coming by to care for the dog. He hates being alone, he hates not having a significant human close at hand, 24/7.
I have a full-time job and have to work to support that dog, myself, my bills and I am going to have a life and do some of the things that I enjoy, including trips that have me not home for several days at a time. And a dog whining off and on all night does not allow me to get my very needed sleep. He will not change and I am at the end of being able to cope, and I will not lose my stability and let issues with a dog whose problems I did not create cause me to be so damn miserable and depressed as I have been this past week.
It's time to buck up and face the fact that I cannot and will not continue to live with this dog.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
20 years ago and more
We buried my mother just a few short days before what would have been, should have been, her 63rd birthday. Now, 20+ years later, it’s my 63rd birthday and I think back to my mother, who gave birth to me but didn’t do much of the raising of me. That was done by her mother and her father, for a lot of reasons, some of them very good.
But today I think of who she was, of what we never had, of those conversations we never had, of all we, for our own reasons, never managed to build a bridge across. And I think of the person I have become in these past 20 years and all the times I wished I could share something with her, my dreams for this old house, my fears after the accident, my joy in the rides I take on my bikes. The pride I take in having and keeping a job and of building a good credit rating.
I try to take better care of my health and my finances than what I saw in my mother and her choices, and I look at her life, as I saw it, what I saw it and try to make wiser choices. But I wish we had been closer, that I had been able or willing to ask her some of the questions that I will never have any answers to.
Today I am doing some things that need done, like laundry and some things that give me pride, like being able to sit on the landing at the top of the stairs to my attic studio/retreat with coffee, knitting, a book, and my iPad, all of which I have because of my own hard work, my pushing hard to return to work after a really bad vehicle accident.
And as it’s Saturday, the bills that needed paid are paid and I have a grocery list, I will be taking that vintage scooter to do the shopping, and my purchases will be coming home in a market bag that I knit myself with my own pattern and designing. A few other things on that list of what gets done this weekend, but done at my pace and as it suits me.
And today I miss being able to call my mom, to probably prank her on the phone, cuz I usually did, on or near my birthday and hers. And I wish I knew if she was ever proud of the person I was or would be proud of who I am now.
But today I think of who she was, of what we never had, of those conversations we never had, of all we, for our own reasons, never managed to build a bridge across. And I think of the person I have become in these past 20 years and all the times I wished I could share something with her, my dreams for this old house, my fears after the accident, my joy in the rides I take on my bikes. The pride I take in having and keeping a job and of building a good credit rating.
I try to take better care of my health and my finances than what I saw in my mother and her choices, and I look at her life, as I saw it, what I saw it and try to make wiser choices. But I wish we had been closer, that I had been able or willing to ask her some of the questions that I will never have any answers to.
Today I am doing some things that need done, like laundry and some things that give me pride, like being able to sit on the landing at the top of the stairs to my attic studio/retreat with coffee, knitting, a book, and my iPad, all of which I have because of my own hard work, my pushing hard to return to work after a really bad vehicle accident.
And as it’s Saturday, the bills that needed paid are paid and I have a grocery list, I will be taking that vintage scooter to do the shopping, and my purchases will be coming home in a market bag that I knit myself with my own pattern and designing. A few other things on that list of what gets done this weekend, but done at my pace and as it suits me.
And today I miss being able to call my mom, to probably prank her on the phone, cuz I usually did, on or near my birthday and hers. And I wish I knew if she was ever proud of the person I was or would be proud of who I am now.
Sunday, June 2, 2019
dreams or nightmares, sometimes they blend together
And dealing with some of my family and their problems/issues drags me into restless activity, nightmares instead of quality sleep and being careless with my credit. And a lot of talking to myself, the dog, parrots, the dolls, the knitting, the walls. . . that sort of head balancing stuff.
The fact is my grandparents did the best they could to raise 3 grandkids and did better than our mother would have done and far better than our father was capable of doing. Yes, they made some really stupid things, but not out of malice or wanting me or any of us to have problems with life.
But it's my life, once I left home, it became my responsibility to live, to make choices, to work out the problems with my decisions and some times to figure out why I made some of the decisions I was making that were not good, healthy or smart choices so that I could do a better job with those choices and with the direction they took my walk in life.
I tried to do the best I could with raising my kids, it's not an easy job some times but I wanted to give them better guidance than I got, better able to know the doors were there and they could work towards and for anything they wanted their lives to be. As they grew and as I saw choices they made were not good for a long term direction or life, I tried to tell or help them see why that was not a good choice.
I want all my children and their children to have lives they like, to make decisions they are ok with living with, and to accept the results of those choices or do the work to change things if it does not work.
Right now my oldest granddaughter seems to have a huge mess in her life, and she's actually the one who has the most responsibility for that mess, her actions or lack of has caused the heartache and misery that she is now dealing with. I want to jump in and do what I can to 'fix' things for her, to help her out but I know that I would be just as well off to take money out of the bank and set it on fire.
And I know that some of my adding to credit debt with things I don't need is my subconscious way of having my finances so I can't afford to help her out in much of any way financially. It did take me some time to sort that out, but it's my way of avoiding rather than facing things.
My daughter told me more than once that I was not willing to just tell her 'no' but I avoided or put off or went around and she was right. Telling her 'no' usually ended up with her throwing raving temper tantrums, hounding and harassing me and saying and doing all she could to make me miserable. And this sort of reaction to being told no was why I found ways to not have to say that word to her. She would cry and scream and yell until she was sick and throwing up, and it worked well, I gave in and gave in and I walked around her jealousy and bad temper and gave in to her over and over. No, we did not have a healthy relationship and we have both paid a high price for that.
Now, I'm working on a healthy life and being mentally healthy too and that does mean keeping my finances in manageable condition, my bills paid on time, food in my house and gas in my vehicles and all that stuff.
I have worked hard for this life here and to like who I am, to have some financial stability and good credit and I am not going to be drilling holes in my own boat, not for anyone and not to hide from anyone. I will put up that wall, move my heart into that 'magic bubble' I mentally created when I was a child and needed a safe place.
And I will accept that it's not my job to fix this mess.
The fact is my grandparents did the best they could to raise 3 grandkids and did better than our mother would have done and far better than our father was capable of doing. Yes, they made some really stupid things, but not out of malice or wanting me or any of us to have problems with life.
But it's my life, once I left home, it became my responsibility to live, to make choices, to work out the problems with my decisions and some times to figure out why I made some of the decisions I was making that were not good, healthy or smart choices so that I could do a better job with those choices and with the direction they took my walk in life.
I tried to do the best I could with raising my kids, it's not an easy job some times but I wanted to give them better guidance than I got, better able to know the doors were there and they could work towards and for anything they wanted their lives to be. As they grew and as I saw choices they made were not good for a long term direction or life, I tried to tell or help them see why that was not a good choice.
I want all my children and their children to have lives they like, to make decisions they are ok with living with, and to accept the results of those choices or do the work to change things if it does not work.
Right now my oldest granddaughter seems to have a huge mess in her life, and she's actually the one who has the most responsibility for that mess, her actions or lack of has caused the heartache and misery that she is now dealing with. I want to jump in and do what I can to 'fix' things for her, to help her out but I know that I would be just as well off to take money out of the bank and set it on fire.
And I know that some of my adding to credit debt with things I don't need is my subconscious way of having my finances so I can't afford to help her out in much of any way financially. It did take me some time to sort that out, but it's my way of avoiding rather than facing things.
My daughter told me more than once that I was not willing to just tell her 'no' but I avoided or put off or went around and she was right. Telling her 'no' usually ended up with her throwing raving temper tantrums, hounding and harassing me and saying and doing all she could to make me miserable. And this sort of reaction to being told no was why I found ways to not have to say that word to her. She would cry and scream and yell until she was sick and throwing up, and it worked well, I gave in and gave in and I walked around her jealousy and bad temper and gave in to her over and over. No, we did not have a healthy relationship and we have both paid a high price for that.
Now, I'm working on a healthy life and being mentally healthy too and that does mean keeping my finances in manageable condition, my bills paid on time, food in my house and gas in my vehicles and all that stuff.
I have worked hard for this life here and to like who I am, to have some financial stability and good credit and I am not going to be drilling holes in my own boat, not for anyone and not to hide from anyone. I will put up that wall, move my heart into that 'magic bubble' I mentally created when I was a child and needed a safe place.
And I will accept that it's not my job to fix this mess.
Monday, April 22, 2019
That raffle scooter
Last year’s Missouri Loves Company raffle scooter is now my Alta Dulce (sugar high) and I’m getting more confident with riding this shifty, vintage treasure. And I’m investing some of that $ I earn at that pork plant on ‘stuff’ for this scooter, the correct tail light, the needed center stand, the missing back bumper, the correct rear view mirrors.
A very unexpected treasure that I appreciate and am working to learn wha needs done to take good care of and to ride and enjoy this vintage Vespa scooter that I now own. And yes, I am still grinning big.
My life has had a lot of ups and downs, and I’ve worked hard to dig myself out of not only the results of my stupid/poor/impulsive choices and decisions but those others caused or brought into my life. Right now I can say my life is working well, and I work hard at making that life good and at appreciating my life, every day and knowing the rough or hard spots are something I can overcome.
I waste money on stuff I don’t need but it’s also my money and bills get paid on time, I keep doing the stuff that needs done, my credit is ok, well, actually it’s better than ok. And most of the time I’m content and occasionally even bouncing happy.
Right now I get a bit pouty about being outbid on a doll I don’t need that’s up for sale on EBay, and if I don’t get the doll, my life will be ok, and if I do, that $ I could have used more wisely but again, it’s my earnings and my children are all grown adults and none of them are dependent on me for the roof over their heads, the clothing they wear or the food they eat.
There are some empty spots in my life, and I am very single and live a solitary life in many ways, but it’s working for me. It’s not how I thought I would be living many years ago when I thought about my ‘old age’ but it’s now just what works for me and I will not be changing that.
It is really ok to be single, to not date, to spend my $ as I want/need and to be content and at peace with the person I have grown into. And it’s ok if I pout about loosing out on an auction or get excited over winning a vintage Vespa scooter.
A very unexpected treasure that I appreciate and am working to learn wha needs done to take good care of and to ride and enjoy this vintage Vespa scooter that I now own. And yes, I am still grinning big.
My life has had a lot of ups and downs, and I’ve worked hard to dig myself out of not only the results of my stupid/poor/impulsive choices and decisions but those others caused or brought into my life. Right now I can say my life is working well, and I work hard at making that life good and at appreciating my life, every day and knowing the rough or hard spots are something I can overcome.
I waste money on stuff I don’t need but it’s also my money and bills get paid on time, I keep doing the stuff that needs done, my credit is ok, well, actually it’s better than ok. And most of the time I’m content and occasionally even bouncing happy.
Right now I get a bit pouty about being outbid on a doll I don’t need that’s up for sale on EBay, and if I don’t get the doll, my life will be ok, and if I do, that $ I could have used more wisely but again, it’s my earnings and my children are all grown adults and none of them are dependent on me for the roof over their heads, the clothing they wear or the food they eat.
There are some empty spots in my life, and I am very single and live a solitary life in many ways, but it’s working for me. It’s not how I thought I would be living many years ago when I thought about my ‘old age’ but it’s now just what works for me and I will not be changing that.
It is really ok to be single, to not date, to spend my $ as I want/need and to be content and at peace with the person I have grown into. And it’s ok if I pout about loosing out on an auction or get excited over winning a vintage Vespa scooter.
Sunday, August 12, 2018
Time and changes
Well, I managed to completely delete everything I had thought I saved before chasing down more coffee last night. I guess that was because I needed to put more though and reflection on what I had written.
I am very glad to be going to Michigan Fiber Festival, I went 12 years ago, took my oldest grandchild, unplanned but family problems and some separation and possible cooling down time was a good idea. I don't know that it helped, but I know I made the right choices then, and I keep working on making them now.
This trip I am going alone, unless you count a small doll as company, I plan to have some fun with photo shoots with the doll. I also have a very small tent, will camp a bit 'rough' and have 4 nights, 3 classes and am so very excited about going. But it's over 375 miles each way, a long and not fun drive, and no, there is no way I can take the weaving equipment, which I need for 1 of the classes I am taking and take the GTS. I put a lot of thought into how I could manage that and no, there just is no way...scoots store and the drive is manageable, but will be Boring.
I am not involved with my first born child and have very limited contact with her children, a choice of distance and knowing that at 1 time it was better for them, less conflict and less problems of head messing by their mother, now it's they are grown or almost grown and leading their own lives. And the younger 3, whose dad and his family have done a great job of of parenting and supporting and of being good role models, are doing well, 2 off in college, the youngest will be heading that way soon. Young adults who are making a lot of very good choices with their lives and who they associate with, where they go and what they do.
I can't say the same for that oldest grand child, but I will say that it is her life and her choices, she is the one who is living them and either can find ways to make them work or understand that 'help' always comes with strings, some of those strings are acceptable and workable, some are not and it's up to an individual to make that decision.
I have not been a good example always, I was not raised with some good examples on some issues/things/behaviors and I was raised to think I was not capable of getting and keeping a job, of managing money, of making good, intelligent choices. It's nice that I did prove my grandmother wrong on my mental abilities, it came a little late, and I am glad my mother realized and understood that she did her share to contribute to my failing to believe in myself, and in my own rights to live my life by my own choices.
I know I was too young and not ready when I had my first child, and it was a 'choice' I was pressured into making, oh, not an accidental conception, that was deliberate, it's that I was not wanting to start a family so young, I knew I was not ready for that, I was married but I wanted college and even had been saving up for that.
But I gave in to pressure, and I felt I didn't have a right to stand up for what I wanted, I thought that was selfish and bad, so I gave in. and I continued to give in on so many things for so many years, just be a door mat, just try to conform, just do what he wanted.
Now, I am living my life, my choices, it's my job and my paycheck and my house and I am very independent and very single and most of the time at peace with who I am and what I am doing. I know now that not only can I NOT fix other people's lives, choices, problems but I am also Not Responsible for their decisions and I don't have to try and fix it, I do not have to sacrifice for them and I don't have to feel guilty for my choice and living my life for me.
I do care about all those children, 4 of them, that I gave birth to, and did my best to parent, and I do accept they do not all see or understand that. I hope they have lives that work for them and are doing well, but I also know they are all adults, wow, the oldest turns 44 this Thanksgiving season and the youngest is already 29. And I just double checked the math on that, time has gotten away from me.
Go fly, spread your wings, become what you need to become, ask if you need my help but do not slam me because I am also human and was not a perfect parent. You can walk away, you can disown me, you can tell the world I was a failure or accuse me of abuse or of allowing it to happen. It is your life and your choices and you live it, if those feelings, attitudes, lies make your life better, fine. If they are why you use as excuses for why you are who you are or why you have screwed up your own life, well, that's actually not going to cause any damage in my life and I no longer let your words and actions cause me damage. I've grown too and I've learned what strings to let go, which ones to cut.
My life works and is a good life because I work to make it that. and it is very much My life.
I am very glad to be going to Michigan Fiber Festival, I went 12 years ago, took my oldest grandchild, unplanned but family problems and some separation and possible cooling down time was a good idea. I don't know that it helped, but I know I made the right choices then, and I keep working on making them now.
This trip I am going alone, unless you count a small doll as company, I plan to have some fun with photo shoots with the doll. I also have a very small tent, will camp a bit 'rough' and have 4 nights, 3 classes and am so very excited about going. But it's over 375 miles each way, a long and not fun drive, and no, there is no way I can take the weaving equipment, which I need for 1 of the classes I am taking and take the GTS. I put a lot of thought into how I could manage that and no, there just is no way...scoots store and the drive is manageable, but will be Boring.
I am not involved with my first born child and have very limited contact with her children, a choice of distance and knowing that at 1 time it was better for them, less conflict and less problems of head messing by their mother, now it's they are grown or almost grown and leading their own lives. And the younger 3, whose dad and his family have done a great job of of parenting and supporting and of being good role models, are doing well, 2 off in college, the youngest will be heading that way soon. Young adults who are making a lot of very good choices with their lives and who they associate with, where they go and what they do.
I can't say the same for that oldest grand child, but I will say that it is her life and her choices, she is the one who is living them and either can find ways to make them work or understand that 'help' always comes with strings, some of those strings are acceptable and workable, some are not and it's up to an individual to make that decision.
I have not been a good example always, I was not raised with some good examples on some issues/things/behaviors and I was raised to think I was not capable of getting and keeping a job, of managing money, of making good, intelligent choices. It's nice that I did prove my grandmother wrong on my mental abilities, it came a little late, and I am glad my mother realized and understood that she did her share to contribute to my failing to believe in myself, and in my own rights to live my life by my own choices.
I know I was too young and not ready when I had my first child, and it was a 'choice' I was pressured into making, oh, not an accidental conception, that was deliberate, it's that I was not wanting to start a family so young, I knew I was not ready for that, I was married but I wanted college and even had been saving up for that.
But I gave in to pressure, and I felt I didn't have a right to stand up for what I wanted, I thought that was selfish and bad, so I gave in. and I continued to give in on so many things for so many years, just be a door mat, just try to conform, just do what he wanted.
Now, I am living my life, my choices, it's my job and my paycheck and my house and I am very independent and very single and most of the time at peace with who I am and what I am doing. I know now that not only can I NOT fix other people's lives, choices, problems but I am also Not Responsible for their decisions and I don't have to try and fix it, I do not have to sacrifice for them and I don't have to feel guilty for my choice and living my life for me.
I do care about all those children, 4 of them, that I gave birth to, and did my best to parent, and I do accept they do not all see or understand that. I hope they have lives that work for them and are doing well, but I also know they are all adults, wow, the oldest turns 44 this Thanksgiving season and the youngest is already 29. And I just double checked the math on that, time has gotten away from me.
Go fly, spread your wings, become what you need to become, ask if you need my help but do not slam me because I am also human and was not a perfect parent. You can walk away, you can disown me, you can tell the world I was a failure or accuse me of abuse or of allowing it to happen. It is your life and your choices and you live it, if those feelings, attitudes, lies make your life better, fine. If they are why you use as excuses for why you are who you are or why you have screwed up your own life, well, that's actually not going to cause any damage in my life and I no longer let your words and actions cause me damage. I've grown too and I've learned what strings to let go, which ones to cut.
My life works and is a good life because I work to make it that. and it is very much My life.
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