Cars, damn machines we seem to need.

       I admit I really, really liked my little Hyundai Accent, bought it new, got a really, really good deal on it and had it almost 10 years before some stupid ass, in a hurry to get to the bar before it closed, tried to pass me going out of the company parking lot.   That little red Mazda truck was the replacement, and it worked for me, in reasonable shape, and suited my needs and I liked it.  But that impatient and careless, thoughtless man in a hurry totally did in that truck, his own life and really, really changed mine.  Almost 8 years ago, yes, i keep track, it’s never very far from me, I live with the changes to my body and the life changes it has caused.
     And for all these years since I have lived with ‘just above junk’ vehicles, that I have kept repaired, taken care of, added to my debt load keeping running and not really liked but took care of.  Ben now has that truck, and he’s the 1 who damaged the front grill, with his own careless not paying attention at a Street intersection.  He’s supposed to be buying the truck from me but I have yet to see a penny on that $500 purchase price.
    I’ve had that 2005 Neon for almost 2 years now and put a lot of money, some of it credit with high interest, into that car, and it is ok, but it’s old and rusting and going to keep costing me and needing new parts and still will be something I can’t be confident to take a long trip in.  And it’s not a car I love, but it has met my needs and so far I’ve been able to afford the cost of repairs.  Yes, some of the first work on it went on credit and yes, the interest is just keeping me in poverty.
     So, I’ve pulled funds from my 401K and will pay down some of that debt, and I have been looking on line at new and near new used cars, not expecting or planning to buy anything until after my taxes were filed and I had my federal refund and had paid in what I expect to end up owing on my state income taxes.  Plenty of time to get my financial house in solid order and be ready for a new or nearly new car and the costs that would involve.
     But I’ve found a little red Fiat, 2016, under 18,000 miles, standard tranny and under $8,000, which I did check, is well below book on that car.  The carfax is good, it is a 2 owner car, with the 2nd and current owner being the dealership where it was traded in, less than 500 miles ago..  It has been kept serviced and it would suit me wants and needs.  This is not when I planned to be buying my new/near new car but I think I’m going to buy this little red buggy.
     I want a car that will meet my needs and wants in a car and last me for years and years.  I am really not hard on cars, those times other people run into or over me are hard on my cars, but I’m not abusive, and I do believe in maintenance and upkeep.  So, barring accidents, this little Fiat should make me a good little, very economic car for when it’s not bike season or I just need/want a car instead of taking 1 of the bikes.
     It might not seem smart or sensible to anyone else, but then, no one else is paying the bills here either, nor will they be.  And if/when I buy this little red buggy, I will put the Neon up for sale, with a reasonable and fair price and be glad to have bought it and have put the $ into having a dependable car that will haul more than 2 people.
     I don’t want something big, I don’t want to get a vehicle to make ‘family trips’ in, and I don’t want something easy for others to borrow, and I like shifting gears so this car with it’s standard tranny is just what suits me.  I think I’m buying a little red Fiat.

Dead and gone--the past is just that..

     There is no go back machines to go back into the past, mine, yours, any ones, and change what we did, how we reacted, which directions and which roads we took.  It's a done deal, and to move on, we learn to live with what cannot be changed, learn any lessons that we can and look to the future and step forward.
     Yesterday, at work, a co-worker reminded me about some of that past and a person who is a part of that past.  Good memories, painful memories, past memories, and a past time in my life, not a part of now, not a part of what I expect or want in my future, I learned about that connecting with someone from the past.  It didn't work out so well and it wouldn't if I was to even try this time.
     This life I have now, it works for me, and I work at making it work for me, not all my choices or decisions are the wisest or best, but I make the decisions and I do the work, and I fix the mistakes or work with the times I created a budget issue, I mend what I can, I fix what I can and I do the needed repairs as I can, to my finances, to my house and to my 4 modes of transportation.
     That guy who talked to me did mention something that made me smile, he said that guy from the past was glad I had a motorcycle again, told him that it gives me some freedom and peace.  Yes, it did back in those days, when that guy was not willing to take a ride with me, not brave enough, and riding now still sets me free, helps me unwind and find some balance and peace.
     As I look back and then turn to today and to the coming days, I will appreciate the good that others have brought into my life, and work on making sure I don't hang on to the bad, the trash and the hurting that they also brought into my life.
     This staying single, not dating works so very well for me, for who I am now, for who I like being.  I know it's not workable for everyone, but then, I'm not everyone and don't want to be.  And as I plan out a ride for Saturday, and the places I want to go, the 'landmarks' I want to find and roads and streets I want to get more familiar with, I am really glad I am riding again, and glad I have found some scooter groups to ride with and very glad I'm making plans for attending a scooter Rally in a couple weeks, the ride Saturday is a part of the prep for that, find the hotel where I have a room booked for 3 nights, find the Rally meet up location, find a few other places so they are easier to get to from the hotel I have booked at.
      To that guy, Mick, I might always miss you, but I can live with that, I wish you well, good health and happiness.  And I move on, and I will be at peace and like my funny life and the little world I have here.

Life and working on keeping it workable

     My iPad refuses to let me use the app for Blogger so I rarely set up and turn on the laptop, ya, I know, past time I quit fighting with Windows 10 and Microsoft.  But those little techie pads are so easy to use, almost anywhere.
     And I am chasing autoimmune issues and how best to keep them from making my living miserable and how to keep them as slowed down as possible.  Changes in what I eat, add 1 prescription med, add several supplements, get a 7-day pill box so I can set them up easy to take and remember to take all of them as needed/recommended.
     Summer is here, we, Ben and I, have a few plant to water but since neither of us are willing to pay huge water bills, we are letting nature take care of most of the landscaping/property and being glad it's small.  It doesn't look good but I am not going to pour gallons of water through this sand and silt and loads of money into trying to have a green lawn, I have neighbors who do that,
     The Vespa is waiting for parts, 1 is in, the fuel gauge stuff, shop is still waiting for the intake manifold, which is cracking.  All under warranty stuff, but that rubber intake manifold should not at less than 2 years from build to now be developing cracks.  I am riding it for work and small errands here in town and will run it down for the work, once the part are in and on a Saturday, there is no way I can afford to take a day off.
     Finances are snug right now and I have a bill for x-rays that is over $688 after my work insurance paid their part, and the local hospital wants it paid in 6 months, which I can't be sure of working into my budget, so I have financial papers to fill out and hope to work out a longer payment agreement.  I do understand the hospital wanting/needing paid asap, but I also have to work with the paycheck I get, the bills and cost of living I have and fit this new bill in.  But I will consider going to Springfield in the future for having any x-ray work done...I will no longer use the hospital or clinics in Rushville or attached to that hospital due to their cost that my insurance does not cover and their inability to do things correctly, like paperwork.
      The work on the old house is not getting done and I need to push myself harder on that, but Ben is finally working again, after close to 3 years of living back with Mom and Mom supporting him.  He now is buying part of the groceries and paying the city utility bill so that is help, but he's working odd hours, and I need to put more effort into turning the compost pile.  Just another thing I need to start dealing with.
     Jake has graduated with his bachelor's degree in history, 4 years of a lot of hard work, a lot of miles to commute, working to earn money, dealing with paperwork and stress and old vehicles that didn't like all the miles, but he kept at it and graduated with no debts and not too bad grade average.  He has joined the Army Reserve and is working on going in full time as officer, it seems to be what works for him and the direction he feels is best for his life, at this time.
     Illinois is about at junk bond rating, we will be seeing a big state income tax increase, we still have a huge, unpaid and no way to pay pension debt that has been building for 20+ years, that was a bad contract decision and now everyone living in this state is on the hook for a debt that should have never happened. It is a big part of why this state is doing so badly, why it is loosing people and businesses every month.  And why I tell people that if they have a way to move elsewhere, out of state, that is worth doing, it won't be fixed fast and at this time it's not even being dealt with.  I don't have a choice, unless I win a lottery, which is not going to happen but I will try and manage as best I can here and am trying to be better about my how I spend money and my priorities.
    And I am not making time for Clayville.org this season, I can't manage to be and do all that I want and so focus on what I need to do and what is on the top of my priority list, and that list changes as I need/want or re-assess my life and directions.   I just can't make evening business meeting on work nights that have me running hard to get there, and hard to get home and not enough rest and still work.  Blame autoimmune issues, blame a long drive there and back and say I was not happy about the politics and some issues that I could see both sides and felt both had some wrong and some right and I would not be drawn into.
     I am working to NOT isolate myself from everyone and so forth but am keeping to myself more, both at work and in my personal life, just not willing to care or be involved or it just doesn't matter.  Not my life, not my choices and not my problems seems to work well, but I still am political and need to write more letters, make a few more calls and so forth.  But I removed myself from some on line groups at Facebook, way too much negative and hate and not much thought and common sense.
    We have a poor choice in the White House, with a damaging administration, we have Republicans that are pushing legislation that is good for the very rich, corporations and destructive for the country as a whole.  Our president has no ability to work with our international relations, except maybe Russia, which is never in our best interest, the anger in the country grows, the problems grow and it will get worse before it gets better.  I could go on but it won't fix anything....be nice to have someone who actually does understand and has some interest and actually chases information and knows just how rocky our environment issues are, how unstable the world's populations are and how easy things could tip into a global war issue...
     But I will work to stay balanced, work to help keep a balance, work to reduce my own carbon footprint and make good choices, both with my actions and my posting and my mouth.  And I will work to keep my own life and finances as stable as I can, and hope for a better world in the coming future.

Working on that old house

     I thought, when I bought this old house, summer of 2004, that a 10 year plan for all the needed repairs and improvements I wanted was workable.  Now, it's January 14, 2017 and I am a very long way from done.  So, it's a long project, and work/investment in this house is not always top of my list.
     Tonight, around 9:40 makes the 7th anniversary of that damnable car accident that changed my life forever.  It's a wet, cold winter weekend, but the plant has no production for most of us this Saturday, a nice change but next Friday the paycheck will be smaller and car insurance needs paid soon, the truck still needs the plates renewed.
     But it looks like I will be priming that southwest end of the attic expansion project, finally.  The north end got finished, except for trim and such, last winter and it's a huge improvement.  So I will be glad to sand the last drywall mud later today, and then I can dust down, clean up some and prime.  Then have paint on the ceiling and walls area before the weekend is over.
     It's not always been an easy life here, and I have chocked up a few more poor choices along that road but most of the choices have been good, and despite all the costs, problems and issues, this old house was a good choice.  I can afford the small mortgage I currently have, pay extra every month on that, and I am able to keep affording the costs of the fixing and improving.  The worst utility/heat bill here has been under $300, and that is despite it needing exterior insulation and new siding, and the attic expansion with so little of it dry-walled for most of the past 4 years.
     Despite the pain and the permanent body damage, I went back to work at that pork plant, and over 6 years later, I am still working, despite carpal tunnel, despite sciatica and the blasted leg and foot damage to the right leg, and all the aging body issues.  I work labor and am proud of that, that I work, that I pay my bills and taxes and that I help support this town, this state and this country.
     I am just sick and mad over who our incoming president is, and think the Republicans in office are going to impoverish most of America while they get richer.  They are not making America Great Again, they have made us the laughing stock of most of the world and are going to be heading us towards becoming a 3rd world nation if they are not stopped.  Not something I thought I would ever live to see or want to see.
     But I am working on making my life work, on doing what I need to do and doing some of the things I really want to do with my life and really loving being single.  That works well for me, and I admit I get mad when some jerk or fool at work tells me I need a 'good man' in my life or that I need some 'loving'.  My private life is My business, and most of the people at that plant need to stay out of it, keep their stupid thoughts and comments to themselves and our union steward learned that this past week.
     My debt load is slowly going down, despite buying the Vespa last summer, my savings and 401K are slowly growing, my old house is improving, my yarn stash has grown and so has my doll collection.  I still get a 'buzz' when I hear hard rains on my metal roof, 3+ years of a leaking roof were long and hard but they did give me a huge appreciation for this metal roof.
     I knew that the steep roof hid a lot of space I could get use of, in time and now I have that studio in the north end I dreamed of.  It still needs some work but I was right to space those windows out to scatter the light and the track lighting for the overhead lighting was the right choice,  All those outlets along the north and south walls of this attic space means I have a lot more flexibility with what I need to plug in and where.  I have added a few, 1 is in that slanted ceiling behind what will some day be a 2nd bathroom, it will allow me to have lighting in my book nook, Some is along the stair well, very handy and convenient for many reasons.  And that framed in, exterior walls up bathroom space has gained a few, handy for both the studio and the south retreat.
     There is so much I can't change or 'fix' and I am better at accepting that and 'moving on' emotionally with what I can't change, But I miss Miguel still, and know that's something I cannot change.  He is why I am here in Illinois, and he helped with the down payment on this house and the early work, he's part of why the kitchen floor is ceramic tile and why I have 'cousins' in the plant.
     I know at least 1 of them lets him know how I am doing, but he and I are not in contact.  His life in Mexico needs no strings here, he needs a chance to make his life there full and wonderful.  Mine here is good, and I like it and I am content.  I don't have a life partner or companion but I am ok with that, Instead I have peace and get to chase a few dreams, do some things I never thought would be a part of my life, like the Vespa and Rebel and bike runs and a scooter rally or 2 I hope and plan to attend.  It's a case of making really good choices with the lemons in life.  They come, and you have a choice to make great lemonade, lemon scrub, lemon pie, find more uses for lemons or become a lemon.  
     Life here is good because I refuse to let it be bad, Miguel's lies and his return to Mexico did not ruin my life, a rough spot but I got through it and am stronger because of it.  That car accident did not make my life bad, but it did make me harder, tougher and meaner, but I can live with that and make it work for me.
      So, today, this weekend, I will see the paint on the walls and ceiling of part of that southern retreat I first talked with Miguel about.  He would love it, once it's done, he would love the big screen tv the space already has, he'd want that bathroom done as fast as possible and a mini fridge for handy beer, and it would be his hideout.
     Instead, it will be my retreat, and movies I like, not sports and Spanish/Mexican programs.  There won't be a mini fridge but bookshelves, a day bed and display shelves for my things.  It will be a woman's area, with lighting for my sewing and knitting and usually a very quiet space.  It would have made him a great tv hideout area.  But that is past dreams and I live in a very real world, and it's my retreat, and will meet my needs and wants.  I had it for a few years but now it's time to have those walls become finished walls, for that ceiling to have seams finished and paint, the walls done, and plan to trim the window and some other woodwork.
     And I am ok with the way my old house plans have changed and adapted to how my life has changed, we are making progress, me and this old house.  People might not see the progress but I know it's there, the outside will get some work come spring, but I don't live outside, so that ugly siding is not top of the list.  The dormer will get metal siding and sofits, and the front porch roof get supported, the old foundation pulled out, some sill plate work done and a new porch foundation built, probably wood with concrete footings, and hopefully the metal roofing comes out of under the house and that porch roof finally gets metal, the left overs from the roof and any that needs bought to finish the job.
    Slow progress but paid for progress.  When it warms up I plan to get that contractor foam in a box and go around the interior of the foundation and foam that gap between the foundation and that insulation sheeting.  I know it will be a pain to do it but I also know it will make a big difference in how warm the area under the house is and how much warmer the house stays.  It will be worth the cost and effort but it won't show except on the utility bills and the floors staying a bit more comfortable in the winter.  A little thing, but it works for me.
     And that's what my life has become, what works for me, what I can live with, what I can or will do.  It might seem self-centered to the outside world but since they are not living it, are not paying the costs for it, I don't much care about their opinions any more.

Trying to settle into 'winter mode' and not liking the though

     I know it will soon be winter, the Rebel is already in the shop building I bought last spring but I am still able to ride the LXV to work some days so am putting off the oil changes and pulling that battery for winter storage.
     And I am trying to work harder at keeping finances under better, tighter management as I have dreams of a vacation in Ontario Canada for a scooter rally that is held there every other year.  It's in the later part of June so I have to get a passport, have to save up at least $1000-1500 and be able to schedule that time off for my vacation, and it's a long drive so I need to plan 4 days travel time with my old truck, hauling the LXV and not sure about camping in that area or my costs.
     But I am finally started, with Ben's help on the drywall work on the south attic end which has waited for summer and bike season to end.  Which is a big part of why the sewing area is such a disaster, I started moving things out of the way late this summer so the work could get started, which means some things moved into the sewing area, which was already too crowded.
      Work at the plant is 6 days a week so the paychecks are larger, that helps funds, helps pay more on the debt load and gives me some play money also, but I have to still control spending urges and I need to work harder with that.
      A molar needs pulled, old filling and teeth grinding has caused the tooth to crack from the top down.  I have known since my last cleaning, this late spring but until it got miserable, I have avoided doing anything.  The dental office wanted to do crown work and I know how that goes next will be that same tooth needs a root canal, and no, I don't think I want to keep making dental appointments and paying the part my dental insurance will not pay.  So, a dental extraction is scheduled for 11/21, I can't get a SV day so will do FMLA paperwork, hope it all gets filled out right but work the early part of the morning and have to leave by 9 am so I can go home, change clothes and have Ben go with me to the oral surgeon in Jacksonville.  I will have to be put under for the procedure and that means no driving myself home and no going back to work that day.
     But I did have a great riding summer, and put over 3000 miles on the bikes, combined, and still might get a few more trips to work in before I give up for the winter.  And I have a small growing bed with some very hot chili peppers and they have done well so we have dried chilies and we have fresh chili powder for cooking and now I give them away.
     Jake and I irritate each other with political arguments, with neither of us winning.  But he has agreed about socks I knit him, he had 3 choices and of course he chose 1 that did not have him buying any sock yarns but that would get him socks with black tops.  His are making progress and black sock yarn has been ordered, on sale, and should be here before too long.
     I am so glad I live far enough away from any relatives with problems that they don't hit me up for any help, financial or otherwise.  As I have not made the choices in their lives, I am not willing to help them out, fix their problems and I actually don't have a lot of sympathy for the results of the crappy results of their choices.  We live in a very hard world that won't be getting any easier, my helping would not actually fix the root of the problem, which is life choices.
     But it does bother me to know my oldest granddaughter and her children are living so poor and have the problems they have, I know the children are not at fault for the poor choices but they will end up doing far too much of the 'paying' for mom's bad/poor choices.  I paid for those of my parents an also some of my grandparents, and I know my children paid some for my poor/bad choices.  But I got my head out of my ass and worked to change things and keep my life stable, keep a job that paid enough to put that roof over our heads, and food on the table.  Hard life lessons but they have to be learned.
     I'm not really moody, blue or depressed, but I am dealing with constant pain issues, the dental will continue to get worse until that tooth is pulled, it will be some long hard days until that happens but I do have an appointment made and the foot and I just need a bit more agreement on what is workable.  I will always have some pain issues, it's keeping them within my comfort limits that I need to maintain, today is going down hill but I am getting a few things done that need done and that my head needs done to be balanced.
     I cannot change the past and I can't change other people, but I can sort thoughts out and find a balance that works for me.  That is what I have been doing some with that riding solo time, I think about my past, the people, the effects, the choices and come to terms with some things I have needed to look at and emotionally deal with and put away permanently.
      So, yes, in a way I am looking forward to the coming winter, to the work on the south attic area and that space gained back, and more energy efficient, and the overtime increasing what I can get paid down on my debt load and what I am able to build up in savings and 401K, I will miss riding to work some but I can cope.  I still need to do some work on the car, and need to order a part for that.  But it has made some progress this summer, with Ben's help.
      Well, time to go pick chilies and then see if I can get that heater back mounted in place and the power back on before supper and time to get ready for bed.  

New rides, finances and people

     I traded my 2013 Honda Metro in for a new 2016 Vespa LXV 150ie, bigger, faster and 3 years of payments, for the $5000 I could have bought a used Harley, so says a co-worker who has motorcycle validation on his driver's license but has not owned a motorcycle in many years (if ever).  But I can boast of a Harley in the past, and a Triumph along with several others and still own and ride that Honda Rebel.  

     The Vespa was long thought out, long researched and even which, of 5 different models with 150-155cc engines Vespa makes that I would buy.  I admit that a more noticeable color than the silver would be nice, or more noticed by drivers who don't look for bikes and scooters on the streets and roads, but this scooter works for me and will long term.  

     I like riding, get a lot of unwind time riding and see no reason to not buy what I want for a ride, if I can and am willing to pay for it.  The budget will be tighter and I have less going into my 401K plans but I also changed how they were invested and they now grow slowly but grow, I don't have losses now that eat away at what comes out of my paychecks.  Nor do I have questionable investments that could take it all in a moment and leave me with nothing of what I worked for and had put away.

     This old house needs a lot of work and money, sure looks rough, both inside and out, has some structural issues in front to be dealt with, starting with supporting the porch roof so the rest can be torn out, some sill plate replaced and then the porch foundation replaced, rebuilt and the porch roof once again supported by that porch structure.  Pain in the ass to figure out and build that support before the tear out can happen, and I will not start that tear out until I have funds to not only tear it out and dispose of the bad concrete and other rubble but also do the rebuild and do it right.  That means tax time, for the most part but might actually work on that roof support this fall.

     Our Presidental election this heart looks to be entertaining IF you don't live here in the States, a bad dream that easily could become a long nightmare if you are a US citizen.  I don't think we have a good choice this time around, bad and probably a lot worse is more how it is shaping up.  There are times I can appreciate getting old and knowing I don't have to spend many years helping dig our country out of the messes that our elected people keep digging us into.  Illinois have plenty of it's own debt and political problems, know wishing ill health or death on someone is wrong but there are times I see that as the best way to rid ourselves of a person in power that seems impossible to get voted out or removed from a job..... 

     But, little by little, I keep making my life work, making choices, most of the time, that make my life stable, livable and make me content and happy.  I like who I am, the way I live my life and the directions I am going, for the most part.  Know it is not a life that would work for every one, and is often more solitary than others realize.

      Thinking back, and knowing I had plenty of 'toxic people' choices in my life, am related to several of those 'toxic people' and married or almost married some of them, I thank God daily that I am now able to screen better and make better choices.  Not always easy, and sure had some guilt tripping to deal with and work around, through or get away from.  But, I am NOT responsible for the poor choices of others, it is not my job to clean up or pay the bills or go without because of their choices and it is not a result of my parenting.  

     I work hard to have stability, to keep a job, to do a good job at work and to be a good employee, to earn that much needed paycheck and to appreciate all that paycheck pays for and helps me provide in my small life.  I would not have this house or the improvements I have made on this old house without that paycheck, or the good credit that I appreciate and use.  I would not have that old truck I keep repaired or that Dodge Neon I bought and put a lot of money into for repairs, that 2008 Honda Rebel I ride and love or that new Vespa I have 3 years of payments to make on.

     YES, this is a "I" and "me" post, it is also my blog.  The parrots are doing fine, Shadow is napping, the rain looks like it is past, the clean laundry is put away, and I get to make the decisions on what I do the rest of today.  I won't be feeling bad or guilty because I have a roof over my head, transportation and food in the house.  That is what I keep a job for, and why I go to work every day, usually glad to have a job, a job that has above minimum wage pay, and benefits.  No one gives me that, and no one has provided much in my life, not freely and not from love or any other reason.  As an adult, I have earned my way, every day, and paid for not just what I had, wore or ate but also helped provide that for others, my children, men in my life, and others.

     I have really quit providing much for others, a very few matter enough for me to do for them or buy for them, I am not very charitable, and I am not very soft hearted, and I quit being a gullible fool a long time ago.  That gullible fool stuff cost me a lot, both emotionally and financially, took a lot of hard and painful lessons to get over that, get hard, get tough and most of all, get smart.

     I am not throwing rocks at others, and I am not going to let people from that past know just how much I now look down on them, think poorly or bad of them.  It and they are not worth the effort or the time and my time and my life are valuable, at least to me.  It took me way too many years to learn to value myself and to feel I had worth, too many people worked hard to keep me feeling valueless and deserving of their abuse and deserving to be used by them.  

     Yes, I have moved on, and yes, I do like my life, and no, I am not hung up on the past, or letting it drag me around, but there are moments when I stop and think where I am now, what I have, what I am doing and try to imagine what my life would be like with that person or this other person in my life.  And know how sad and miserable a life I would be living.  

     I don't I'll wish any of them, but I sure won't let them back into my life, not my daughter, not the father of my sons, not the beau from the past.  All toxic, all users, and all have the lives they have earned and the lives that are the results of their own life choices, not my choices and not my doing.

     So, I will put on my riding wear and go take 1 of my rides out and enjoy my Sunday.

The rewards of staying employed and sticking it out through the rough times.

     Tomorrow will be the anniversary of my first day at this plant, 13 years ago.  I have it off as a paid vacation day, and will hopefully be getting some things done here at home.  I am still working on this old house that I bought/financed in July 2004, it now has a solid foundation and a good metal roof, a dormer addition and that unused area below the roof and above the 9+ foot ceilings has become living space, still a work in progress but the north end has the Sheetrock finished and painted and I have a great sewing area that I am still working on setting up and settling in with.

   The south end is the retreat, where I am currently sleeping, and I am getting ready to finish drywall work in that area, but have no idea when that small space between the 2 will go from a storage area into a small but very handy 2nd bathroom.

     I survived the problems of marriage to an illegal who was still legally married in Mexico, he returned, I got a divorce, and picked up the pieces.  I won't say I moved on, but I will say I have worked to make my life what I want and what I need.

     I survived a wicked car accident, the fault of the other driver, and I got through the insurance issues with that, a very dishonest contractor, the bills for that, the very long 8 months and 17 days off work and I got through the involvement with a man from the far past, whose honesty about finances was very lacking.  

     My credit rating has gone down, and up and down some and up again, but I am reasonably stable, I still am working full time, have benefits that come with that working and can afford luxuries in my life.  Yarns, fabrics, dolls and to replace my very aged iPad 3 with the newest iPad Pro 9.7, and the goodies that are made for it.  It is in shipping now and expected here Friday, the pencil is here now and the keyboard case comes tomorrow.  

     Tonight I have been working on stuff for a mattress to fit the little antique 'servant's' bed I picked up from a moving sale.  I made a covered mattress board this past weekend and after work picked up a foam mattress topper which I will use to make the mattress.  I have my cording for the edges made now and batting to wrap the foam in before putting on the muslin cover I will be making for it.  Then it will need custom sheets, mattress pad and in time, it will want quilts made to fit right. The bed is full length but all of 27 inches wide, from frame side to frame side and head and footboard are the same and almost 27 inches high.

     I would not have this house, or all the stuff inside this house, the truck and the car, and the little shop building that is not yet moved here, or be able to get that new iPad and the goodies IF I had not stuck it out, through the hard days, the pain, the hassles and harrassments, and all the other 'stuff' life has had.  

     It has not been an easy walk, but it is my walk and I am the one who had made it work, and I am the one who has paid the bills, made the decisions and will continue to do so.  I like feeling I own my own life, I did not feel that ownership with my marriages, or dating relationships, but single, not dating, I own my life, my time and my choices.

     And I know I will be watching finances closely to pay the debt load down once again but I do not regret the dolls I bought on 'plastic' money or the coming new iPad. But, again, my life and my choices and I make them work for me.