Human issues and God

I absolutely believe in God, or the existence of something far beyond my human understanding that exists, and is involved with our tiny human lives.  I do believe in the birth and death of Jesus, and that of the teacher called Budda.

I believe in a final judgement of a soul, after it has moved on from the body it resides/ resided in.  And I believe in reincarnation.

I believe in forgiveness and in forgiving but I think that some sort of rules are in force here.  If I deliberately hurt or harm, or cause harm, attempt to cause harm to someone, it only by repenting of my actions and Asking Them for that forgiveness do balance or start to correct that wrong, their forgiving me, once I am dead does not fix this wrong with God or the world, but if the issue troubles that person, their forgiving me after death can make them more comfortable.  It does not gain the dead anything, they are still accountable for their actions and get to sort it out with God.

Death is not an automatic clean slate wipe for the soul, and if I see no reason to forgive the dead, that does not make me a bad person, their sins are not weighing on my soul, mine are.  And if what wrong they did me is long past and I have lived years beyond the reach of that person, good for me.

I do believe that God is firmly in charge of those scales of justice and can sleep well, knowing it is with God first I keep my life in balance.

No, I am not forgiving some nasty, mean bit of humanity, but I am also not letting their past actions make any waves in my emotional pond.  They were not worth packing around in my load of emotional garbage I pack around.  Their actions eventually got them terminated from our mutual place of employment, solved my being harassed by them and in time I relocated in another state.

So, no, this death makes little waves in my pond.  I am thankful to now be employed where our management takes swift action to stop harassment long before it has much of a start and where no one tells me I need a better sense of humor when I ask management to put a stop to my being harassed in the work place.

The rough and rocky road I walk.

The kitchen is close to done, some trim work and painting, the counters to come and be installed, me to plumb the new sink, so that is looking better.  The mortgage papers are signed and Tuesday I pick up the check and will have Lowe's paid off and some on the rest of my debt load.

But I am not working, and have no income, have a heart condition and am chasing medical tests and the leave/disability pay paperwork and trying to make sure this medical issue does not cost me my much needed and much liked job in a place I like to work, with good pay and benefits.

In the meantime, I do not see the cardiologist again until 1/7/2015, all the tests should be done by then and I will learn what has been found and hopefully get on a treatment plan that will allow me to be back at work and a stable life with a manageable health condition.

I have managed to get the allergies and asthma into a very controlled and livable issue and I have managed to get the physical damage from the car accident into a livable life and working again with very livable pain levels so I believe I can conquer this health issue too.

But the days get long, I have plenty of small jobs here I can work on, both old house, cleaning and sewing, mending, knitting, designing for the dolls, sewing for the dolls so there is plenty here to entertain me with little or no cost.

But I miss work, miss the job, the people, the routine and balance it gives my silly little life.  I will manage but it will take time and effort, pouting and feeling sorry for myself will not fix a thing, action, positive thought, planning will.

But I had my first dinner guests in my kitchen, Sam, who came to see Jake and bring over a car, and Jake's girlfriend and her mother.  The potatoes and chicken went into the grill, Ben helped with a lot of quick house cleaning and kitchen tidying up, Jake bought the chicken and made sure his dad didn't get too lost and we survived.

Next time I want a working kitchen sink and the counters installed, a bit more planning time and to not be feeling sick from the stress test I had yesterday.

But, we did ok, no one starved, we all had clean dish ware to eat from, and Shadow survived being chained outside so we humans did not have to battle or trip over him.

How Jake managed to get his dad to drive over here, alone is amazing, Sam hates long drives, roads he does not know, but he made it with little problem.  I would like to route him back the way I usually run but as Jake will be going with him, Jake is buying the little car Sam drove over, nice looking and makes me wish I could afford it.

But the house is quiet, the weather is staying mild, the old house is looking better and I feel a bit more positive about my life now than I did when I headed to bed last night.

Damn all theives, everywhere

Ya, I know, I have a huge attitude about thieves, and especially people working jobs where their employer expect them to be trusted and so do customers.  Right now my big issue is with the delivery service that delivered my new kitchen cabinets to my home.  2 youngish men, both white, according to my son who was home to accept that delivery last week, Thursday.
One was outside most of the time, and when in my home, only helping move larger cardboard boxes into the designated location area, corner of the kitchen where those cabinets end up installed.  The other man, the 1 who was in the kitchen most of the time, the man with the metal clipboard with storage area, ya I have 1 of those that is plastic.  He is probably the person who stole my iPod Touch, 5th generation, special edition red, engraved on the back, wearing a Journey's End skin from DecalGril, and a shock protective hot pink cover.  The iPod, which was on the small shelf by my charging station was certainly home, where it lives, in my kitchen when I left for work Thursday morning.
I have that 'find my missing device' app activated, and phone calls were made to Lowes, to KraftMade cabinets and a call back to me from the delivery company and a long conversation twice now with a very polite and nice sounding woman.  This does not return my missing and much missed device, this does not keep that man from stealing from others but I hope hie get caught, and I hope he looses his job, that his life gets miserable and that he learns that stealing from homes of people or businesses he is delivering to is a very bad choice.
But I know I can replace the device, and I have been busy changing a lot of passwords, to all those apps that are in my passcoded, locked device that I hope he got very little $ from selling or will never be able to make usable.
I plan to keep it logged on my Apple account, and I do not plan to set things to erase the data on that device, so, maybe lifting that bright pink Apple device will not work out so well in his life.  I want his life to become very miserable.
And I have the same attitude about the 2 people at our plant who were terminated recently for stealing food from our cafeteria, we earn enough to pay for that food, and the much poorly paid employees of our cafeteria contractor get reamed over those food losses.  That stuff is all figured out and someone in their management knows how short the sales are, their employees get harassed by their management and held at fault for something they really cannot prevent.  So, no, I don't feel bad for that woman who has worked the plant as long or longer than I have or the man that was also caught.  They knew they were stealing and they knew if caught, and proven the company policy is termination.
So, now that I have vented, and whined, I will continue to live my good life, hope the cabinet installer is here tomorrow and makes good progress, the counter company will be here next Friday and I will be off work on a paid vacation day to be here, they are measuring and I have decisions to make on the counters.
Once that has a bill, I can get with my bank and all the kitchen costs end up rolled into a new mortgage, and my life settles back into a quiet winter routine with work, old house projects and my dolls, sewing, knitting and reading books.
And I will daily check for a location on my missing Touch and daily ill wish that man who stole it from my home.
Jake is right when he says my weapon of choice is a heavy battleax.

Late night thoughts

I should have tucked in and been asleep hours ago but am enjoying my quiet attic space and a book instead.
the weather is getting colder, I think fall will be short and winter long and hard this year but the kitchen should be warmer and I am going to plastic the outside of the front door.  And hope to deal with the draft problem, that huge gap between the door edge and the frame.  It will take some work and I will whine and complain while I do the job but it will get done.
And  I should get most of the ceiling trim done in the kitchen, the new top on the corner shelf done so that big tv I won this past spring will have a place to go.
every day  i can count my many blessings and realize how happy i am and how goof my life is.  So, no matter the problems with the old house, I will find a road that works.

The renovator's nightmare

I have had an ongoing relationship with this old house for over 10 years now.  It gets a lot of the money I earn, it needs more than I can give it, there are days I think it hates me, but it is my home and my sanctuary from the world.

The last owners were living examples of filthy white trash, and when they finally got out, the house was crawling with cockroaches and reeking from urine and feses, but I could finally start working on cleaning it up and repairs.  

It was months before I could move in, and even then, after several thousand dollars and many long and hard man hours of work, I washed dishes in plastic tubs and had no kitchen cabinets and counters.

Several years down the road, I refinanced the original loan and had half the foundation replaced.  And in the summer I hand dug the trench for waterline, sand is easy to dig but it wants to keep sliding back in too. 

And then the roof began to leak, and that got worse and worse, but I could not afford to refinance, not just yet.  About 3 years of leaking roof later I was in a bad car accident and I still had to deal with a leaking roof.

But the other driver at fault had good insurance, I pushed hard to get my life back and go back to work, that took 8 months and 17 days.  And a long wait on the settlement from the insurance, and living with a still leaking roof.

The settlement put central air and a new roof and a battle in small claims court with a rather dishonest roofing contractor.  It cost me a lot more in legal fees than I won, but he lost and he did have to pay his lawyer and me.

And I put a lot of work into the sub floor and the knee walls and paid for work to be done, now that little 1900 house with 4 rooms has an attic which is still being worked on, still needs a lot of drywall and some other work but someday will get finished.

But I battled with the bank to refinance once again, this time to buy this old house a very handicapped friendly kitchen.  And last night the cabinet installer was here to do needed measurements and tonight I put the first coat of primer on the new drywall, tomorrow I will start the painting.

And as soon as all the paperwork is to Lowes for the cabinet order, I will do my part, the bank will finance this as a builder's loan and the cabinets will get ordered.  It might be late December before the kitchen is done but I will be glad to go to work so.i can pay the bills, and keep working on this old house.

Whining about old houses and men in suits

The loan officer was just thrilled to help refinance my mortgage, and pushed for me to borrow more than I planned to borrow.  My credit, at least with the bank, is excellent, 10+ years and never late with a single payment...

So then comes the man in a suit to turn up his nose at my old house, and he comes while I am on vacation with the house a torn up mess, Jake nose deep on his laptop (doing schoolwork) and Ben and I are playing with my truck.  Ya, it was not running and no truck means no building supplies....

So, he thinks the place is ugly and a mess, worth the loan but I should be made to use the funds as he  thinks is the best use.  Do remember that this man does not live here and he is not going to be making the payments on that loan.

I am not putting cheap vinyl siding on this place, it needs the old asphalt siding removed, the old clapboard siding repaired and then house wrap, insulation and siding. Stucco is top on my wish list for that siding but I could consider other options.  Throwing a quick and cheap siding job and then making payments on it for far longer that it will last is not on my list.

The suit thinks my kitchen floor needs to be leveled, which means tearing out the ceramic tile Mick and I put down, putting plywood sub floor down and shimming/tweaking it to get a flat, level floor and then what? I have some cheap vinyl flooring installed that will not hold up long but I will be paying for it too for years to come.  And I should put in cheap cabinets and counters, never mind how long they will last, and he just put over$17,000 into doing his kitchen.

But my loan officer does not agree with the suit, and so I will probably get to refinance and put in the kitchen I want to pay for, and do the other things my way.

It is annoying, he is right that nothing here is done, and that the current siding looks terrible but last I checked, I do not live outside the house, and I have all new windows, except for those current big holes with plastic over them.

The metal roof, all those Pella windows, the drywall and work in the attic, the stairs, wiring, central air and drywall was not done with any loans, and I have not paid a lot for the labor, a lot of my sweat and some of my blood, and plenty of what I earn working in a pork processing plant has made the mortgage payments and put all the improvements into this house and will continue to do so.

And the suit can do as he pleases with his home and his money, and leave this grumpy old woman alone with her renovation project.

Old house progress

I spent my vacation week trying to make some progress on this old house, getting the last old windows out, the damaged kitchen door out and repairs done so all are ready for replacements.  I opened up the wall between the kitchen and living room with shelving from the back of the bench height to about a foot below the ceiling.  They still need trimmed out and another cost of paint but I like what they have done for both spaces.

I put peg board in between the studs on the wall between the kitchen and laundry area, the first has the keys and charger cords, all handy and off the pot rack.  The other 2 spaces will be used to hang the coffee cup collection.  I doubt if they will all fit but I will get some of them out of a box and enjoy seeing them here.

It is becoming my home, my house, done to suit my wants and needs, the open shelves between the kitchen eating area and the living room.  The new kitchen windows and in time, the new cabinets and counters.

And I will find time to clean the grasses out of the flower beds again, it needs done several times a year and I am behind on that again.

I am tired of sharing the house with my much loved son but know he and I will manage a little longer.  It is livable most of the time but I look forward to my home to myself and going back to sleeping in my downstairs bedroom, and having my living room back