I don't have a reason, I don't know where it came from or why but I am again battling the blues once more. Finances are ok, work is ok, old house is making some progress, my life is stable so no reason to be blue.
We are working every Saturday so it might be just that my body is getting tired, pain levels are ok, in fact, considering the long hours I am on my feet at work, pain level is very low.
The knitting is going ok, starting the heel on a sock for Jake, Sharon's shawl is doing well, and I have plenty of yarn and needles to play with.
No problems with the dating relationship and so far this fall, we are not bitter cold or drowning so I can't blame the weather either.
So, I work on doing what has to be done, here and at work, and I know this will pass, I pay better retention to my eating choices, and keep my finances in order and know I will be ok, it will lift, the clouds do lift, and I get ok.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Kids coming home to stay
I keep trying to get the baby birds out of Mommy's little nest but Ben is back living here, he is working and now Jake is coming home from the Marines, about 2 weeks or more sooner than I had expected, nothing here I had hoped to have done is done.
Ben has my attic space a huge mess and that is where I will be moving up to when Jake settles in here for the next 6 months to a year.
The utility area is a disaster area, metal roofing that will do most of the front porch is down there, along with both Ben and Jake stuff. They also have a lot stored in my attic space, which is far from a finished studio.
My finances are very tight, no finds for materials, no funds to hire help for what I need help with or just cannot do. The attic bathroom is not even framed in yet, the runners between cross ties are not in so there is no place yet to attach the top 2x4 that it takes to build the north and south bathroom walls. Both fall between ceiling supports.
Tearing my hair out will not gain a thing, today I will get the new filters in the water filter and the furnace, might even get some work done with foaming the remaining draft from where the house and foundation join. It is a crawl under the west side of the house, with a trouble light, dusting away cob webs as I worm under there.
But it is also a job I have put off for years as all the rest has been insulated, I only have 8-10 feet to deal with, first foam and then later insulation blanket. It will make a difference in the heat bill, make the downstairs (and only) bedroom more comfortable and I now do have the foam in a can so need to get the blasted job started.
Work is going ok, we just did 3 weeks of someone out and overtime, work harder and faster, now 6 days of every one there or should be, I then have 2 days off for a medical test, 1 day with all of us there, Bonny off, the weekend, another week of all of us at work and a week of someone gone every other day. Should be fun, I have 2 of those 3 days off, 1 to get Jake in Chicago and the Friday of Labor Day weekend to play with Larry.
And somehow, sometime I need to start some massive house cleaning and moving stuff before Jake is home, his gal pal is here with him and my house has far too many people, not enough space and I am going insane once again.
Ben has my attic space a huge mess and that is where I will be moving up to when Jake settles in here for the next 6 months to a year.
The utility area is a disaster area, metal roofing that will do most of the front porch is down there, along with both Ben and Jake stuff. They also have a lot stored in my attic space, which is far from a finished studio.
My finances are very tight, no finds for materials, no funds to hire help for what I need help with or just cannot do. The attic bathroom is not even framed in yet, the runners between cross ties are not in so there is no place yet to attach the top 2x4 that it takes to build the north and south bathroom walls. Both fall between ceiling supports.
Tearing my hair out will not gain a thing, today I will get the new filters in the water filter and the furnace, might even get some work done with foaming the remaining draft from where the house and foundation join. It is a crawl under the west side of the house, with a trouble light, dusting away cob webs as I worm under there.
But it is also a job I have put off for years as all the rest has been insulated, I only have 8-10 feet to deal with, first foam and then later insulation blanket. It will make a difference in the heat bill, make the downstairs (and only) bedroom more comfortable and I now do have the foam in a can so need to get the blasted job started.
Work is going ok, we just did 3 weeks of someone out and overtime, work harder and faster, now 6 days of every one there or should be, I then have 2 days off for a medical test, 1 day with all of us there, Bonny off, the weekend, another week of all of us at work and a week of someone gone every other day. Should be fun, I have 2 of those 3 days off, 1 to get Jake in Chicago and the Friday of Labor Day weekend to play with Larry.
And somehow, sometime I need to start some massive house cleaning and moving stuff before Jake is home, his gal pal is here with him and my house has far too many people, not enough space and I am going insane once again.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Being angry at Jake's dad, again
We have been divorced almost 18 years now and he still can rattle my little world. You just do not all the way free when you have kids. This time Sam 'borrowed' money from Jake for flight back to the states from the Phillipines, his choice to move there, not Jake's.
I know Sam loves Jake, but that does not stop him from using him, nor does it make Sam put Jake first, what Jake needs or wants. Sam's wife spends money like it is water and Jake ends up shafted over it. Not Jake's marriage, not his job to hand over his hard earned savings, but it is his money and his choice to make.
It burns my that Sam would ask, again, and I am not mad at Jake, Dad has him by the heart strings.
If you cannot afford the flight costs, you need to stay on one side of that Pacific ocean or the other. Sam and Cynthia made the choice to sell out the farm and move to her country, now they need to live with their choices, pay their own way and let Jakevwork on making his life work with no farm, horses or ranch future to look forward to.
And once again Sam has me crying, stressed, depressed and what he does to MY son makes a mess of my head, again. His son too, and he is using him like his family did to Sam, he vowed our boy would never be used that way....and now is doing the same damn stuff to our boy as his family did to him. Not much I can do but love Jake and keep being Mom.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
dealing with real life
It's June and I still don't have matters settled with the roofing contractor and small claims court.but we have a court date in late July and I hope I find some Justice and repayment of some of my funds.
The budget here it tight and will be even tighter as I work in the cost of paying for the carpenter who did finally put a roof on my house and possibly even the home inspector.
But I just could not let it go and do nothing, the contractor is not honest and I am not the first person he has ripped off, without my taking him to court there would be no legal record, no chance for others to not trust him with a huge deposit and then get shafted on the job he agreed to do.
Work also has it's pressures, I do like my co-workers but wish for more brains and more actual management from our lead person, and more understanding costs and how tight each department has to watch the man hour costs in the department. They cannot create more opportunity for me to have overtime, there is only 1 person in our department getting consistent overtime and her late come in needs to be a rotation position if any of the rest of us are to have an opportunity for overtime, and so Barb will have to accept giving up some and accept that it is not her overtime but company time that all of us are entitled to a chance to earn some of it.
I will push for being able to work that late come in as a weekly rotation and accept that it will have some of my very small department in a snit with me.
It's not a bad life here, and I do like who I am, where I live and work but today I could easily curl up somewhere and cry, nothing really wrong, so imagine it's tired and body out of balance, I need to remember to take my vitamins more often.
I am working to make better, more practical financial decisions, avoid wasting money when I know I need to pay all the extra I can on the debt load so it will go down faster and I am going to put the blue Honda Passport up for sale on the Yahoo bike group I am in. Selling is is a wise choice, I don't need 2 bikes, I don't have a place to store it so it lives over at Larry's who does tinker with it,which might be part of the reason it's not running right.
And Larry taking over working on my bikes, without me being there, or asking/wanting him to do that irritates me. I don't know what has been done, I don't learn anything and he has 3 bikes of his own and none of them have the battery in yet this season.
But I am doing more 'social' stuff with people outside of the plant and not just Larry, Sharon and I have done the local play several times and I helped serve at the alumni banquet last weekend. I might not be willing to join the work crew for meals together but I go to Cargill to earn a living, not for a social life, my meal break is my time and I do not want to join their little 'parties' now and then. I do have the right to opt out and will continue to do so.
There is a lot here I need to deal with, weeds outside, mess inside, projects to finish, 2 pair of socks started and also a market bag in process, and some of that 'head sorting' But I am making better progress on some of that too, and it's ok if I have some moody blues now and then.
The budget here it tight and will be even tighter as I work in the cost of paying for the carpenter who did finally put a roof on my house and possibly even the home inspector.
But I just could not let it go and do nothing, the contractor is not honest and I am not the first person he has ripped off, without my taking him to court there would be no legal record, no chance for others to not trust him with a huge deposit and then get shafted on the job he agreed to do.
Work also has it's pressures, I do like my co-workers but wish for more brains and more actual management from our lead person, and more understanding costs and how tight each department has to watch the man hour costs in the department. They cannot create more opportunity for me to have overtime, there is only 1 person in our department getting consistent overtime and her late come in needs to be a rotation position if any of the rest of us are to have an opportunity for overtime, and so Barb will have to accept giving up some and accept that it is not her overtime but company time that all of us are entitled to a chance to earn some of it.
I will push for being able to work that late come in as a weekly rotation and accept that it will have some of my very small department in a snit with me.
It's not a bad life here, and I do like who I am, where I live and work but today I could easily curl up somewhere and cry, nothing really wrong, so imagine it's tired and body out of balance, I need to remember to take my vitamins more often.
I am working to make better, more practical financial decisions, avoid wasting money when I know I need to pay all the extra I can on the debt load so it will go down faster and I am going to put the blue Honda Passport up for sale on the Yahoo bike group I am in. Selling is is a wise choice, I don't need 2 bikes, I don't have a place to store it so it lives over at Larry's who does tinker with it,which might be part of the reason it's not running right.
And Larry taking over working on my bikes, without me being there, or asking/wanting him to do that irritates me. I don't know what has been done, I don't learn anything and he has 3 bikes of his own and none of them have the battery in yet this season.
But I am doing more 'social' stuff with people outside of the plant and not just Larry, Sharon and I have done the local play several times and I helped serve at the alumni banquet last weekend. I might not be willing to join the work crew for meals together but I go to Cargill to earn a living, not for a social life, my meal break is my time and I do not want to join their little 'parties' now and then. I do have the right to opt out and will continue to do so.
There is a lot here I need to deal with, weeds outside, mess inside, projects to finish, 2 pair of socks started and also a market bag in process, and some of that 'head sorting' But I am making better progress on some of that too, and it's ok if I have some moody blues now and then.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Huge splurge
I really have put a very tight budget into a much tighter jam with buying the newest iPad but I am already using it every day/night and am so much more comfortable with it than the Toshiba Thrive tablet I own.
This year I am not putting in a vegetable garden but will work on the neglected landscaping and on quality time with Larry.
Work is ok, hurt a lot today but part of that is due to ahard fall on concrete while walking over to Larry's place.
Life is ok,finances are snug but I will manage to keep the bills paid and not starve to death.
I love my life here, it has so much quality and value.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Ending 2011 and looking to 2012
Well, I can say it has been a better year than 2010 but it would not take much to beat 2010. I have been back at work for over a year now, did make a job change there in plant to hourly management with better pay and benefits and easier on my damaged leg/foot. I do now have a very tall and stiff brace/support boot that helps me with being on my feet for a full work shift.
My finances are in a bit better shape and my house has a new metal roof, the dormer is built and I am enjoying my very basic spiral stair to that attic space that is very slowly taking shape to be my studio and retreat.
A quiet and stable dating relationship with a man who is not living off me and who will not cause me to get phone calls from collection agencies looking for him to pay past due bills. Now, that is a good change from the past, I still get calls from collection agencies looking for Kenn Gean and Michael Ferrin.
Our weather is way too mild for this time of year and I worry about what will come in the next few months for storms but do know my house should stay dry and hopefully warm unless the power goes out for very long.
I'm doing something at our local library every Thursday morning now and will be offering free knitting lessons there at that time to anyone who wants to come.
I have house plants again and some bulbs hiding in the fridge so I can try forcing them, they have about 2 more weeks of refrigeration and then into pots and in the storage area and dark but not cold for a week or so and then out in the light. My first attempt so I am hoping they like me and do ok.
Still no handicapped parking permit but I did download and print out the needed form for that and am going to consider getting it filled out and signed by my doctor. I won't need or use it often but there are times I should have it and use it.
Ben's doing ok, Jake is doing great, Bryon is still in CA and I hope doing ok. I still have no contact with Stormy and am comfortable with that. No anger or guilt or issues, just know that she has to live her life and with her choices and I have a right to live my life, to not be manipulated or emotionally battered by her choices and her emotional problems. They are not my doing, my choices or mine to fix, pay for and I cannot change them.
I am looking at gaining progress on the old house project, doing more outside with my landscaping projects and getting more of my debt load paid down.
I am stable and at peace with my life, with who I am and with where I am going in my life, at least most of the time.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
That old house
It's been a long haul but I am finally seeing all that space below my roof rafters and the ceiling joices becoming living space. I still have a lot more work and am going to be out of money as soon as the west half of the roof is done. But I have my dormer and spiral stairs and I will eventually have a bathroom up there too.
I will be taking my original contractor to small claims court over his defaulting on the contract and not refunding the deposit. It stinks but things happen. I did all I could to make this be a good job. C.L. Campbell construction chose to be dishonest, chose to leave my house open to elements.
But Pat Herzog is now working on the house, he has the dormer done, the east side of the roof is done and Monday they start on the west side.
Winter is coming and I have a good start on insulating the new space. And I will work on it tomorrow and Ben might help me some. It would be great if I could afford to have the entire attic sheet rocked including the bathroom that is not even framed in yet. But at least the space is now workable, it might take me a couple years to finish the new upstairs area but I am seeing slow progress.
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